Start typing to search
36 Ways to Live DifferentlyChange Your Future to Rewrite the PastRegret is an Unreliable EmotionThe Greatest Story Ever Sold đŸ’”Different Is Better: Your Personal Invitation to NeuroDiversion 25Time Anxiety and NeuroDiversion: a 2025 PreviewNew Posts on Mental Health and Purposeful ProductivityAnnouncing: A Year of Mental Health 💚2023 Annual Review: Back in Action, Big Changes for Next YearAnnual Review Coming Up! (2023 Edition)Choose a Life Purpose (Any Purpose Will Do)The Real Risk Is That You Don’t Change At AllHow to Pay AttentionHow Hedonic Adaptation Can Raise Your Level of HappinessThe Great Mattress Wealth Redistribution PlanPlaying It Safe Is DangerousDon’t Just Question Authority, Question YourselfHelpful Things to Learn AboutIf You Want Average Results, Follow the Rules of AverageThe New Rules of MoneyAn Instruction Manual for YourselfRethinking The Marshmallow ExperimentReaders: What Would You Like to Know About?Unusual Things You’re Allowed to DoFollow Your Boring DreamsIf You’re Not Getting Better, You’re Getting WorseThe Life You Want and the Life You’re Supposed to LeadHow to Practice Disappointing PeopleThe Mouse in the CageHow Honest People Learn to Lie9 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life Right NowHow to Ask Magical QuestionsCongratulations On Your New LifeWhat If You Just Started Walking?To Live Your Best Life, Love Yourself MoreWhy Is It Hard to Be Different?Unlock the Power of Out-and-Back LivingThe Importance of Controlling Your TimeShipwrecked in the Arctic: A Lesson in Exposure TherapyThis Year, Give Up on Your DreamsTop AONC Posts of 2022Special Powers đŸ’„Next Stop, Annual ReviewThe Energy Story You Tell YourselfDoes Commercialized Meditation Do More Harm Than Good?Waiting for ResultsNotes on Wilderness Survival from the Show ALONEEffortful Before Effortless (and 8 Other Rules for Tranquility)Here Lies the Man Who Played It SafeGetting Off AdderallDon’t Cheat Yourself: A Lesson in Exercise and Life3 Good Reasons to Change Your MindThe Counterfeit Self“I Wish I’d Made That Change Later” -said no oneLife Lessons from Sylvia PlathTo Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, Decide in Advance What Success Looks LikeThe Law of Average, or How to Stop Settling for Systems Designed for the MassesThe Little Voice in Your HeadThe T-Rex Takeover: How We Smashed a Guinness World RecordWDS X, A Very Brief Photo Recap đŸȘ„Time Will Pass Either WayFearful / GreedyChange Your Narrative in a Believable WayFind Your Limits to Push Past ThemModern Self-CareLife Is a PonziRunning for $240/DaySurvival Guide to LifeThe Man with Two WatchesOn a Scale of 1-10, How Distressed Do You Feel?Learn to Depend on YourselfA Visit From Your Future SelfToday Is a Good Day to Start OverWould You Trade Places With Someone Else?What They Tell You and What Is RealAnnual Review 2021: Forward Motion Once MorePlanning Ahead for a Big New YearLearning How to LearnWould You Live Your Same Life Over Again?Develop Your Dominant QuestionsRisky DecisionsAlways Ask for What You Want: A Lesson in Asymmetrical RiskDreading the Holidays? It’s Not Just You.Time Anxiety Is the Most Pressing Problem of Our Age ⌛9 Predictions For The Year 2050How To Talk To Someone Who Believes A Conspiracy TheoryWhat is the Bravest Choice You Can Make Right Now?What’s Something You’ve Done that Few Other People Have?Cycling Before Dawn: Notes on Crossfit, Consciousness, and ComparisonsMoney Mistakes are TemporaryThe Steps Before the First StepThe Courage to Change Your MindIf You Find Yourself Dreading Appointments You Made Long Ago, Start Asking “Would I Do This Tomorrow?”The Real Imposter Is the Part of You That HesitatesThe Second Best Thing You Can Do Right NowThe Cost of Unnecessary WorryingOpportunity Waits in the Time of UncertaintyHabits of Highly Effective Real PeopleStart Your Resolutions on January 6thNew Year, Same YouAll The Things You Didn’t DoThe Three Conditions For Making Ordinary MagicTo Every Thing, A SeasonReturn of the Annual Review! Let’s Do This! (I mean, if you want.)Sometimes The Best Thing You Can Hear Is “It’s Going To Be Okay”No Reservations to Parts Unknown: Thank You, Anthony BourdainIf You Want to Make Money, Don’t Study Hard in SchoolTo Win the Lottery, Buy a Ticket and Never Check the NumbersUnder the Unseen Blue Sky in Sydney, AustraliaDon’t Feel Pressure to Find Your Life’s Purpose at Age 21The Importance of Having a Breakdown, AKA “What Happened to the Annual Review”When You’re Stuck In A Hole, Look For Someone To Join You: A Lesson In EmpathyA Field Guide To Wandering In The Wilderness Of The SoulThe Limits of Lifehacking: What Happens When you Approach Optimization7 Questions to Ask When You’re Feeling StuckFor All The Things You Can’t Control, Remember “This Too Shall Pass”Going Back To A Hard PlaceEvening RitualsThe Movie Of Your Life, Part IIThe Myth Of The Self-Made Man“If You Can Invest In Someone Else’s Company, You Can Invest In Yourself”“We Run Away From Desperation:” Thoughts On Pursuing A Creative IdeaIt’s Not My Birthday“Everything Is Figureoutable:” Notes from Paris to DohaEven When You Aren’t Sure What To Say, Don’t Be SilentAfternoon RitualsMorning RitualsDecide Now How You’ll Evaluate Yourself Next YearIf You Can’t Learn Math, Maybe It’s Not Your FaultIt’s Time To Change The Road You Walk OnWe’re Not Going To Change The World, You Are.“How Could You Go Back To Living A Mundane Life?”Be Realistic: Plan For A MiracleWhy You Should Write a “Last Letter” To Your Loved Ones Even If You’re HealthyBlack Sheep BasicsWhen To Compromise And When To Hold Your GroundHow To Live In FearIf You Have No Challenges, Maybe It’s Time To Change Your LifeIf Everyone Becomes a Non-Conformist, Won’t We All Be Conforming?Reflections At The End Of A 30-City Tour (At Least For Now)It’s Not About Overcoming Your Fears; It’s About Acknowledging And Moving OnHope, Expectations, and Winning the LotteryRevisiting Montana, 25 Years LaterThe ResumĂ© Of FailuresThere’s No School For What You Need To DoThe Answer in Your InboxResign Your Job Every YearMy Morning Routine: Why I Do the Same Things Every Day, and How I Work from AnywhereTo Succeed in the New, New Economy, Don’t Mail It InThe Historian Who Couldn’t Escape From Alcatraz4 People Who Created Their Dream Jobs: Official Trailer for Born for ThisThe Light of the Oncoming Train Strengthens the MindThe 50-Mile Race vs. The Cliff JumpHow Goals Change Over Time, and What to Do About ItHow to Play “Adventure Roulette” at the AirportThe Snake in the Road: A Lesson in Fear & PerceptionClosing the Books: A Lesson in Letting GoSome Advice for Me, and Maybe for You“Taking Risks” Is Not the Same as “Doing Hard Things”If You Lost Everything, Would You Look Back or Look Forward?Adventure Is Worthwhile In ItselfA New Year’s Wish for the WandererIt’s Not How Much Email You Get, It’s the Lack of Purpose in Your LifeOne Year of Taking Adderall to Help with Writing & FocusWhatever Happened to the Road Not Taken?The Treasure Is Still Out There: Thoughts on Adventure and Scott DinsmoreWarning Signs That Your Life Lacks a Consistent VisionOnly Floss the Teeth You Want to Keep“What Have I Missed in My Life?” Notes on The Novels Mrs. Bridge and Mr. BridgeThe Game Is Rigged, So Learn to Play the GameMany Dreams Aren’t That Hard to AchieveLessons in Non-Conformity from Sesame StreetThe Emotional Balance SheetEating in Restaurants AloneHappiness Is a SuperpowerThe Fear of Losing PrestigeYou Can’t Live As If You Only Had Three Months to LiveSometimes It Doesn’t Work, But You Still Have to Try AnywayA Simple Thing You Can Do To Improve Any RelationshipDon’t Make a Bucket List; Make a List of 100 DreamsGoing to the Movies by YourselfThe Self-Addressed Envelope We Send to Ourselves100 People Share Their Experiences Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail“Knowledge Is Not Understanding” — The Case of the Backwards Bicycle“Most Ambitions Belong to the Past”: Reflections on A Neurosurgeon’s Final Year of LifeHate Paying Taxes? It Could Be a Lot Worse: You Might Not Have to Pay ThemTo Cross the Railroad Tracks, Go Against Everything You’ve Been ToldWin the Way You Won Before“If you have to ‘give back,’ maybe you took too much in the first place.”Visiting the Hidden Speakeasy in Downtown Sydney, AustraliaThere’s Always Time to Write a BookSometimes Life Sucks, So You Might As Well Do Something About ItTo Be Happier, Go to the LibraryThe Japanese Tradition That Encourages Us to Be Present7 Alternative Ways to Evaluate Your Life Every DayWhat Does It Mean to Be Rich?Writing With Adderall: A Personal Case StudyBlogging for an Audience of OneUnits of Momentary HappinessIf Your Life Is a Movie and You’re the Director, Why Did You Add this Scene to It?How to Think About People Who Disagree with YouIs a Quest Better if it Helps Others?What If We Don’t Improve After a Difficult Experience?Re: “Let’s talk when you’re free”Tinkering on the Margins of Small ArgumentsA Better Organizational Strategy: Throw Away Everything That Doesn’t Make You HappyRobert Genn’s Last Year to LiveDo You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Be Free?A Magic Broadcast Channel That Will Help you Reach the WorldPlan in Advance When You’ll Begin to Worry About SomethingFraming Decisions in the Context of Future RegretReflections from the Road: 18 Cities Down, 22 More to Go“I’ve kept busy all my life. They say the worst thing you can do is sit down.”You’ll Always Lose at the Comparison Game (So Stop Playing It)To Express Gratitude, Put the Do-Not-Disturb Sign Back Where It BelongsA Life That MattersCycling the Greatest Possible Distance Over 7 DaysWhy You Must Study Your Mistakes, and Other Rules to Live ByQuestions to Ask When Pondering a Big Life ChoiceHow I Deal with AnxietyYou Should Do What Makes You happyThe Opposite of LonelinessWorst Case Scenario: Losing It All in EuropeOn the Cost of Upgrading Your Fleet of WarshipsDuke Ellington: A Life On the RoadThe Cure for Writer’s Block: Start With the Last Thing You LearnedWhat to Do When You Feel OverwhelmedPlatesThe Worst Thing That Can Happen Rarely DoesThe Floor and the Ceiling: How Much Money Is Enough?When to Stop and When to Keep GoingRunning In Your MindThe Cure for BoredomThe Virtue of InsecurityVisiting the Art MuseumWhen You’re Happy, You Don’t Have to Tell AnyoneThe Past Wasn’t Better. Choose the Present InsteadOpportunities and Missing BicyclesAudit Yourself to Improve Your CircumstancesGiving the “A” Grade for the Person You’ll BecomeReducing Decisions to Focus BetterYour Goals Are Too SmallThree Types of Happiness: How Do You Choose?Life’s PrioritiesWriting and Speaking for IntrovertsHuman Behavior, Compliance, and IdentityThe Challenge and the OpportunityThe One-Year, Alternative Graduate School ProgramSpecial Broadcast from the End of the WorldToo Late: Notes from LHR T5Will It Always Be Like This?You May Feel Inadequate, But 
Paying AttentionChanging the SystemThere’s No Such Place as Far AwayA Year in the Life of YouFamous Last WordsThe GoalSearching for Guinea Bissau in Midtown ManhattanPowerful WordsSmall Things Can Keep Us from Big ThingsWhat Is Freedom?Leadership Lessons with a ViewChicago Marathon: Mission CompleteThe CallingHow to Ensure You’ll Do AnythingUnnecessary Traffic LightsPerseverence (AKA “No, It’s Not OK To Quit”)How To Be UnhappyThe Free Lunch MovementHow to Do Big ThingsHow To Make DecisionsYou Can Do That? Great. Go Ahead.Life Is Full of Things You Can’t FixConversations: Turning Pro, Bravery, and the Get-To WorldOn Destiny, Influence, and the Impossibility of Being Self-Taught34 Things I’ve Learned About Life and AdventureThe Reward for ConformitySome Things You Can Do Right Now to Change Your LifeWhere Is Your Security?There’s A Letter You Need To WriteWarning SignsWhat to Do About Those People Who Sidetracked Your LifeIntentions, Decisions, and OutcomesAn Academic ConfessionLife In the Tower, Somaliland EditionThe Tower: A Free Report for a New Way of Life“There’s plenty of time.” (But what if there’s not?)“What Should I Do With My Life?”Second ChancesHow To Put Off Making Decisions About Your LifeThe QuestQuestions to Ask of the People Who Make the RulesThis Time It’s DifferentThe End Is (Always) NearThings They Have No Right to Tell YouHow to Do the Right ThingThe Moment You KnewLegacy Projects and the Love of True FriendsThe “Hell Yeah” Roundup: Your TurnBe Nice to the CleanersAn Important Thing No One Will Tell YouThe Need for ChangeHello, My Name Is
Rain RunningMost People Are GoodWhose Side Are You On?“We’ve Got Plans for You”Opening NightThe Family Who Doesn’t UnderstandWorth Living ForKind of a Big DealNot RealisticThe Arc of the Universe Bends Toward JusticeAre Goals Necessary?SuperpowersAlways Get Back Up: Lessons from Muhammad AliBook Tour Gratitude, 63 Cities LaterHow to Be YourselfHow To Be YourselfForward MotionAlways Be Thinking About These ThingsChasing Daylight: Some Thoughts on MortalityWho You Are and What They SayPeak MomentsWhat Would You Do if You Knew You Would Not Fail?Running in St. LouisWhy Do You Do This Every Day?If You Love Something, You Have to Protect ItCalm Before the StormGenerous People Have More To GiveThe Four Burners Theory — Your Thoughts?Non-Independence DayFear and PermissionTransitionsEnjoying the MomentStarting With What You HaveRest and RecoveryAn Interview With YourselfThe Small Man Builds Cages for EveryoneWhat You Don’t Do Doesn’t Matter“I’ve Just Been So Busy Lately”Beware of LifeFeeling Stuck? Try ThisThe Good StudentMountain Climbing, Motivations, and The Deep-Seated Fear of FailureWhy Not Try It All?Your Own Amazing RaceFearless?Notes on a Full Life, Live from CX 883Personal Responsibility and Showing UpGoing to ExtremesAll the Things You Don’t NeedSufficiencyWhat Makes a Community?Welcome to the Real WorldHow to Write a Life ListGood Things About the RecessionGlory DaysFriends and EnemiesBreaking through the Fear of FailureHow Much Money Do You Really Need?How to Conduct Your Own Annual ReviewA Short Collection of Unconventional IdeasWhat to Do When It’s Not Working OutLifestyle Design and Your Ideal WorldThe First Day of Your LifeThe Link between Security and ComplacencyHow to Fight Authority (and Win)Time Is Money?Beware of PotentialEver Feel Like Giving Up?A Brief Guide to World DominationHow To Fall Down and Get Back Up AgainHow to Respond to CriticsHow To Recruit a Small ArmyThe 14,600 Hours to VirtuosityCreating and Living by Your Own List of ValuesThe Decision to Be RemarkableWhy You Should Quit Your Job and Travel around the WorldHow to Be Unremarkably Average
Share Post:

How To Talk To Someone Who Believes A Conspiracy Theory

I just came from the pizza parlor that doubles as a global headquarters for child trafficking. I counted up some ballots that proved the election was stolen.

On the way back, I stopped by the drugstore to fill a prescription. I tried to tell the pharmacist about how 9/11 was an inside job, but she was busy implanting microchips into other customers.

Okay, let’s slow down. I’d like to address a topic that has become increasingly relevant: how to talk to someone who believes in a conspiracy theory.

I was going to write a long post that cited lots of research, along with some recommendations for how you can welcome your loved ones back to reality.

But the more I read, the more discouraged I became. The bottom line is that it’s pretty tough! Or at least, it’s tough if your goal is to persuade someone to change their mind.

Lists of facts don’t seem to work, because they’ve already watched a video on YouTube that confirms their existing beliefs. When the facts change, that doesn’t work either, at least for most people. They simply repurpose the new information to fit the same narrative. So what do you do?

This is not a hypothetical concern. In recent months, I’ve talked about it with a number of close friends and colleagues.

Perhaps you too have someone in your life who has suddenly stumbled into an alternate timeline of history. They’ve watched the videos or clicked on the Facebook posts, and then they clicked on more.

Now, before you know it, they’re reposting memes and sharing clips from Alex Jones. You check on their accounts after not seeing them for a while, and you’re like OMG, what happened to so-and-so?

The bottom line is that we’re all a little stumped. It seems implausible that so many people could fall under such a spell. It seems even more difficult to see a way out. But here’s what I’ve come up with.

First, let’s acknowledge some history: it’s not wrong to be suspicious or skeptical.

The phrase conspiracy theory is inherently problematic. Many things we once dismissed as absurd are now widely known to be true. There’s now credible evidence that aliens are out there somewhere, or at least they might be, and that the U.S. government has withheld information about it from the public for decades.

Tech companies like Google and Facebook have been monitoring your private communications and sharing them with governments around the world. If you have an Alexa device in your home, Jeff Bezos really is recording all of your conversations, along with whatever else takes place in any room you install his devices.

Those are just a couple of examples—there are many more. But of course, there are also plenty of “conspiracy theories” that are factually incorrect and harmful. And just because some things have turned out to be true doesn’t mean that everything “they tell us” is wrong.

Second, conspiracy theories build on one another. Once you’re in, it’s hard to get out.

Here’s something I learned while researching this post: The # 1 predictor of whether someone believes a conspiracy theory is whether they believe any other conspiracy theory. Once someone gets sucked in, they tend to go further and further down the rabbit hole. (YouTube and Facebook bear some real blame for this, since their algorithms are built on manipulating “engagement” above any other value.)

Susceptibility breeds reinforcing beliefs. As English writer Alan Moore wrote:

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not the Illuminati, or the Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening—nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.”

So people are right to be suspicious, and perhaps it’s comforting to believe that someone, somewhere, is pulling all the puppet strings. But the question remains—how do you talk to someone who believes in a conspiracy theory?

Five ideas:

1. Understand the emotions behind their beliefs. They’ve been lied to before. They feel excluded, and now there’s a whole community of people who accept and love them. Makes sense, right?

2. Ask questions. A simple one is, “Do you really believe that?” Surprisingly, the answer is often “I’m not sure.” Okay, well, let’s start there! Is it plausible that this thing you’ve heard on the internet is totally wrong? (It might be helpful to gently remind people of the principle of Occam’s razor: how the most likely answer is the simplest one.)

3. Find common ground. Again, easier said than done sometimes, but important. You don’t trust the government? Well, that’s understandable. You’re concerned about your child’s health? Okay, I get that. We tend to disagree on what to do about those kinds of things, but we might as well start with the assumption that most people aren’t deliberately disingenuous.

4. Don’t shame them if they come around. Some people will change their minds at some point; they just have to do it in their own time. It’s much better to welcome them than to shame them. Also, “I told you so” isn’t helpful. “I’m really glad to know you feel that way” is much better.

5. Learn to separate values from beliefs. Perhaps the best wisdom I found came from Jonathan Fields. (Side note: I’ve mentioned Jonathan’s new book, Sparked, a few times. It’s out now and getting great reviews!)

Jonathan told me–I’m paraphrasing here—that he’s learned to separate values from beliefs. In other words, if you build relationships based on shared values, at times you might run up against opposing beliefs. As long as your values remain aligned, you need to accept that the other person’s beliefs might never change.

It’s not quite the same as “agree to disagree,” it’s more like “remember that the world is complex and everyone has their own information filter,” but of course that doesn’t sound as pithy. So let’s go with separate values from beliefs.

Values and Beliefs

This last idea is the one I’ve thought the most about, because if you can’t easily persuade someone to come around, what can you do? Basically, you can either write them off completely or find some means of accommodation.

In reflecting on this I also realized a mistake of my own, or maybe a problem of my own design. I’ve always wanted to write for readers who feel misunderstood and alienated. In rushing to judgment over some issues (even when my judgment is correct), I might unnecessarily push away some people. And I don’t want to do that!

To be clear, this doesn’t mean you (or I, or anyone) should shy away from sharing personal beliefs. You still need to be true to yourself, avoid being neutral in the moral issues of our age, and so on. But thinking of values and beliefs as somewhat distinct might be helpful.

People who believe in conspiracy theories tend to become entrenched; they have emotional investment. If you care for them and don’t want to make a clean break, you have to understand where they’re coming from and how they arrived there.

You can still hope they’ll change their minds—especially in situations where the stakes are high, and where their personal choices have consequences for everyone else—but if you expect them to do it your way or on your timetable, you’re just going to be frustrated.

That’s what I’ve got. How about you—have you tried to talk to someone who’s left the world of reality?

Feel free to make a YouTube video or Facebook post sharing your views. Just be aware that if it’s rational and fair-minded, no one will want to share it.

###

Images: 123

 

Let's Keep
in Touch!

Get the weekly newsletter and a free unreleased chapter of my new book, Gonzo Capitalism.

    ​