Going Back to a Strange, Familiar Place

Once in a while, you walk into a place and experience an odd sensation. What is this feeling?

You might be tempted to call it déjà vu, but that’s not quite right. With déjà vu, (“already seen”) you have the sensation of revisiting somewhere you haven’t actually been, at least not in this world or life.

But this feeling is different, because you have been here—in this life, in this same earthly realm. It’s just that something was different back then: you were. Now, even if the physical environment is exactly the same, you being different means that your experience of it has changed.

Most likely, you catch this feeling in a very ordinary place. Not a special place, a secret place, or fancy place at all. Maybe it’s a place where people come and go, and life passes in all its usual forms.

For me, this place was an airline lounge I recently visited. As soon as I walked in, I had that weird feeling. What’s so strange about this? I wondered. Oh. That’s right. Six years ago, I was here during a very difficult time in my life.

Back then, I was afraid and terribly anxious. But I couldn’t talk about it! I kept it to myself.

In fact, I had to do other kinds of talking: that day I was on my way to give a public talk. I had to do my best to serve the audience, to focus less on myself and more on what I could offer them. Which was fine! That’s how it works! But I was also struggling.

And that, in a nutshell, represents the two versions of me that I continuously juggled.

• I want to make people happy even though I am not happy myself.
• Something is blocking me from being true to myself. (I’m letting it block me, of course. I knew that even then; I just didn’t know how to fix it.)
• Eventually this will all be okay and so will I. But I don’t know when or how.

So now, all these years later, I was back. The lounge had been renovated—and not to put too clichéd a point on it, but so had I. 🙂

The lounge had received a lil’ facelift: an upgraded coffee machine, refreshed seating areas, a new shared worktable. The writer and compulsive traveler was older, or at least “less youthful.” But despite the effects of age, he too had been upgraded and refreshed!

All around the lounge, people passed by, oblivious to the transformation of space and visitor. Other travelers came and went. Friendly lounge employees tidied up and said hello. Day-drinkers drank, questionable service animals roamed, a man took a phone call on speakerphone as if he were the only person in a public area. The usual.

But I just sat there, thinking, Well, look at that. Something sure is different around here.

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When you come to such a place, you have a few options of how to respond. You could do nothing, of course, and just go on with your life. Fair enough.

On the other end of the spectrum, you could have some elaborate ritual organized around recognizing your new life as a reborn phoenix. Break out the tarot, light the incense, etc.

But if you’re like me, you opt for somewhere in the middle. No elaborate ritual, no tarot, no excessively dwelling on things. But no ignoring them either! The state change should be acknowledged.

You have changed, you have grown, and you can acknowledge the person you were back then. You can feel compassion for the pain they were experiencing at the time. You can feel proud of how far you’ve come.

So should you find yourself in such a strange, reverent place, I encourage you to observe the experience. Pause as the other travelers rush through. Reflect on who you were and who you are. Imagine who you might still become.

And then, of course, it will be time to move onwards.

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