If you are confident, they will say you are arrogant.
If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.
If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.
If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”
If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.
If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”
If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.
The instructions include:
rein it in
slow it down
wait it outpull it back
take your time
play it safe
But you will know:
They are envious because they want what you have.
They are afraid of change even as they crave it.
They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.
It’s not all bad news: some of them will sort themselves out and end up joining you. Because you are a good person and have had plenty of false starts of your own, you’ll understand and welcome them warmly. We’ve missed you! you’ll say. It’s about time you made it.
As for the others, well, you will remember what Gandhi said:
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
###
Image: Edge
November 16, 2010
Megan Matthieson
Thanks for this, Chris. Moving slowly from the being ignored to the being laughed at. And riding the edge. Hope the tour is going well. M
November 16, 2010
Conor
Chris,
Brief. Ballsy. Powerful.
What a mantra.
Conor
November 16, 2010
natalyn
The best thing I’ve read this week. I know it’s only the beginning of the week, but still. This is an awesome way to kick it off.
November 16, 2010
Cynthia Blair
Powerful and inspiring. I needed to hear this, especially today!
Thank you Thank you Thank you Chris.
I love your insights.
It needs to be shared!
November 16, 2010
Jenna
A better jolt than my first cup of coffee for the day! Thanks, Chris! Yesterday I received my next “big adventure” assignment and the “What am I doing?!” conversation took less than 30 seconds this time around…the more I live fully the less fearful I become!
November 16, 2010
Hannah
Thank you again Chris. Been feeling “selfish” lately due to some recent feedback so this was good timing.
November 16, 2010
Nina
As usual, yet another timely post. Thank you!
November 16, 2010
AmPa
Your message is very respectable, and appreciated. Please keep that in mind, while I offer this criticism, that may contribute to a balanced view. That is, let us remember that there are also no shortage of people:
- Who are arrogant, but desperately want to prove they are confident
- Who are not sure of themselves, but want to advertise they are deliberate
- Who are too lost in self-absrobtion to have any sense of purpose
- Who have no idea who they are, and can’t answer the question “Who are you, anyway?”
- Who are too naive to understand what true kindess and compassion is
- Who are clueless and drunkards in the real world, but think they are dreamers
and last but not least:
- Who are delusional they are rebels because they somehow always manage to see themselves as victims being shut down
I do not mean to direct this at anyone in particular, but all around me I see the above traits (in myself included) more than I see the opposite.
November 16, 2010
Julie Wise
Brilliant, Chris! Thanks for the reminder and the inspiration. I’m going to share this with friends and family and print out a copy to keep near my desk. Many thanks!
November 16, 2010
Paul Serwin
The haters are gonna hate. If you have people criticizing you, it’s of my opinion that you’re doing something right. Life is not about pleasing everybody else (because it’s never gonna happen)! Life is about doing what you love and spending time with those you love. This post was very inspirational, Chris!
November 16, 2010
Tessa Zeng
Brilliant, Chris. This is the kind of post all of us bloggers hope and dream of putting out there- truths so sharp you could cut yourself on it, if it weren’t so damn relatable.
In response to Rich, above- Maybe your friends have been lucky enough to be surrounded by a more enlightened crowd, but there are so many people who can’t Help but feel threatened by those who are certain of themselves. Some of the sweetest and most modest kids I know still get cut by their peers and shit talked about them behind their backs, simply for existing as who they are. Maybe that’s just because we’re still at college, but something about the popularity of this post tells me that the negativity pervades the rest of society just as much.
Not to mention that sometimes you Definitely need to provoke the enemy. Fighting them doesn’t have to be an overarching goal, but things “they say” need to be challenged because they represent limiting paradigms we’ve all harbored, at one point or another!
November 16, 2010
Henry
Amazing, simple but straight to the point post. Thanks Chris for giving me more validation to keep on dreaming big.
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November 16, 2010
Justin
Know who you are, confident, deliberate and with compassion for our acts of rebellion we harvest in our dreams.
Great ….. nice one
November 16, 2010
Karyn de Dufour
Your posts are always insightful, but now you’ve confirmed it for me – you’re a true paisan!
All growing up, I thought something was wrong with how square my peg was. Everyone tried to shave something off. I never let them – don’t know how – but I just didn’t. Mother always said “You’re too much for people” – bestowing the blessing and curse all at once. Years later, I realized my clueless determination evoked FEAR, of all things, and those reactions were about THEM and not me. What a relief!
Nothing has changed. My beat is my own making and I’m used to the baffled looks. But more importantly, this quality allows me to size up people and situations very quickly. When you’re a lightning rod, you can see things through the simultaneous light and shadow. It’s my one super power and, thankfully, I’m not the only one with it!
Keep lighting it up Chris!!
November 16, 2010
Kimmy
After a day of having my blog bullied about on a social media site by a few resentful rogues, I spent last evening reflecting on what I had done to deserve the sort of remarks that were made about a post I made that had nothing but nice things to say about a local artist. It hurt me so much, I actually wept until I slept. I simply couldn’t shake the sting of the meanness that had come from the darkness of the hearts of those who criticize me for not being a critic.
However, this afternoon, a friend sent me a link to this page, and I couldn’t be more grateful! Your words here gladden my heart, and give me new hope, just in time for Thanksgiving. Good for you, thanks so much.
November 16, 2010
Ryan Renfrew
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
November 16, 2010
Leigh Anne
Chris, if you turned this into a poster? I would buy it and hang it in my office.
I’m just saying.
Thanks for the night-shift uplift!
Leigh Anne
November 16, 2010
Mandi
Love this! Years of listening to people like that turned me into a self-conscious, self-doubting, sad little girl. The past few years I have been rebuilding who I used to be and ignoring the haters. Happiness ensues.
Thanks for reminding me of how awesome I am!
November 16, 2010
Jessica
Chris,
This was perfect timing. Just what I needed to hear today!
November 17, 2010
Elizabeth
Just the words I needed to read today! New to your site and I will keep coming back.
November 17, 2010
moxie
All of those shut-down comments reminded me of my much younger years, and then I became ill. For 3 disappearing years I’ve allowed my illnesses to define who I am; NO MORE! Recently, I decided to reclaim my dignity and my integrity. I’ll never be how I was in my youth, but my constitution is who I am, nonetheless. Now, I create a new reality, acknowledging the limitations, but not allowing them to dictate my worth. Learning to strive and thrive…ever forward, with hope, peace, and love?
November 17, 2010
Roxanne McHenry
@ Leigh Anne – I agree with a poster version! I was thinking to just print the post off to tape somewhere near my desk (lol)…But a poster I would buy and love!
Esp to encourage my own kids who are unique and already getting beaten down at a young age for their plans and ideas.
November 17, 2010
Sheila
I got a lot of that in primary school. They kept sneering, “You think you’re so good!” I didn’t, you know. I thought I was a worm. It took about 20 years to realize that what they meant was, “I fear you’re better than me.”
Today I realized that the cage bars have gone, and it’s time to stretch my wings and fly.
Thanks for dropping the key.
November 17, 2010
Umair Kazi
Hey! That’s a picture of where I live: Karachi, Pakistan!
Chris, you’re absolutely right about this one.
November 17, 2010
Andrzej
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” – great words. I just have to put it on my screensaver
Thanks for article, it was good.
November 17, 2010
Wyman
One for the cause. Changing the world. Awesome
November 17, 2010
Jay de la Torre
Fist-pumping and a full-throated “Hell yeah!” happened right after I read this for the first time.
Now that I’ve read this for the fourth time, I’m going to print it out and put it up on my wall so I can be reminded everyday of my decision to think for myself.
Thank you for your writing. You’re changing lives.
November 17, 2010
Living the Balanced Life
These are awesome words Chris. Others around us get uncomfortable when we want to change the status quo. They don’t want us rocking their comfortable, although boring, boat. When we do something different however, we are gonna make waves. Ha! Keep on rocking the boat.
November 19, 2010
Bryan Wilson
Cheers Chris, I really enjoyed this. I agree with the poster comment. Would be a great reminder to hang on a wall somewhere and be inspired every time you walk by.
November 19, 2010
Misty Funk
This post couldn’t have had better timing. I love the message. Time to erase guilt and start living.
December 18, 2010
Dottie Melcher
So inspiring. Reminds us to keep swimming upstream. Thanks.
June 11, 2011
Ted
Hey, This article has actually helped me chose a path to follow. Thanks for the great information and keep up the good work!
March 1, 2012
Deanna Thompson
This is so very true, in fact it’s taken me decades to realize that this same situation is happening to me, only the person is a family member. Guess that’s why I didn’t see it sooner. Thank you for writing this!
March 1, 2012
Carol
I wish I’d seen this when it was published! Especially: “They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.” I used to own their regret, not realizing that’s what it was, assuming it was my own shortcomings. I still have to fight it, but I do. Thank you for my new motto via Ghandi: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” There was a time I wouldn’t even have believed this could apply to me, but now I recognize that many of the people around me ignore me, laugh at me and fight me. At last, I’m winning. The good part of this struggle is the depth it has wrought in me. I am better for the struggle.
March 1, 2012
Rhiannon
On a day when I needed all the encouragement I could get I find this, thank you so much.
March 1, 2012
Kathy
I am going to make my own poster. I hope that’s ok. A wise woman once told me “its not about what ‘they need to hear’, It is about what it is that is yours to say.” I am sure I am still too much but I am me and what they say is them. I am proud of all that I am and take full responsibility for that, and credit too and I say what I need to say.
March 1, 2012
Jo
My 39 year old son gave me the greatest compliment the other day. Mum he said, your epitaph will be “she sucked the marrow out of life.”
That made me feel really good after all the naysayers we come across in life!