Do you ever have the feeling that you’re leaving somewhere to which you’ll never return? You’ve been coasting along in the present, then all of a sudden—the future! Is here! There’s no going back, no matter how much you want to.
You walk out of the apartment and shut the door for the last time. You leave the university campus after years of study. You change jobs and say farewell to the workspace.
That place was so important to you, but now it’s no longer part of your life.
If you ever do go back, it’s never the same. You might feel like a conquering warrior (“I remember when I first arrived here, and look at me now!”) You might feel sad or regretful (“I wish I had…”), or you might have only good memories. Either way, change is the constant, and things are going to be different from now on.
***
Sometimes you don’t even see it coming. It just hits you all of a sudden: change is ahead! Be aware that this moment is passing soon, and your life will never be the same. Sorry, but you don’t usually have a choice in these matters.
When saying goodbye to a person or place, some think it’s best to leave things unsaid, or walk away without reflection. I’ve learned that this is usually a mistake, at least for me.
I say: hold on to the moment as long as you can. Fight for it if you have to. Get up early and stay up late. Be brave. Choose the raw emotion, even the awkwardness if necessary. If we must go on to something else, let’s at least think about what was and what could have been.
The more intense the feeling, the better. If synchronicity and the feeling of being part of something meaningful comes with sadness, loneliness, and disappointment, so be it. I just know that I don’t want the alternative—mediocrity, routine, the safe and the comfortable.
***
I often get this feeling when preparing to leave places as I roam the planet, even if I wasn’t that attached to them while I was there. Two years ago I went to Easter Island, thousands of miles out and six hours by air from South America. I enjoyed the visit, but as a tourist destination, it’s a long way to go for a small island with little to do.
I’m not buying a second home in Easter Island, in other words. But then—on the eve of my departure, I looked up at the sky and realized how far I was from everywhere else in the world. I also realized I would likely never return and thought, I’d better remember this.
I joke about collecting countries the way some people collect postcards, but really I’m collecting experiences like these. “Is it worth it to spend so much money on travel?” I’m sometimes asked. I don’t really think of it as paying for travel itself. I’m paying for memories, and when it comes to spending on memories, I say yes. Most definitely. I have no credit limit for memories.
I felt this way while leaving Tbilisi, Georgia a few months ago. It’s truly a beautiful city, and one of the best in Europe, no doubt. The intensity of it all was almost overwhelming to me.
I wasn’t ready to say farewell, but I also knew that staying another day wouldn’t make it any better. I ran ten kilometers the night before I left, trying to process the experience. The next morning, I rode in the mini-bus to Armenia, my next stop, and thought about it further for a good six hours or so.
I had been reading Don Miller’s new book on this trip. Among other things, Don says that meaningful lives do not just happen by accident. They require conflict, risk, striving, and overcoming. A good character in a story has to struggle, and so it is with all of us.
That’s why I think it’s good to embrace the transition points. Don’t go to sleep to dream. You can dream all day long without ever closing your eyes.
After making it to the next hotel, though, I laid down on the bed for a short nap at 4pm. I woke up 10 hours later, still feeling disoriented. I made coffee and did some writing.
Inevitably, I know that we all have to look forward instead of backwards. In the pursuit of growth, it’s better to choose the new than the old. But sometimes it’s also good to hold on to something for a while, and then you can treasure it as the memory it becomes.
Embracing reality may be exhausting, but I can’t imagine the alternative of avoiding it.
###
Image by Dariva
June 10, 2010
Kyle Smith
Inspiring post. Savor the moment, and invest in memories, because they last forever. Thanks, Chris.
June 10, 2010
Barrie Davenport
Chris, this is an absolutely lovely post. We do try to rush through physical and emotional transitions. That “in between” place is uncomfortable. As a friend always tells me when I feel agitated about ambiguity, “Just sit with it.”
June 10, 2010
Ricardo
Congratulations Chris! Awesome article.
Thanks for sharing this.
Hope to meet you some day.
June 10, 2010
Ben
I came across your website in the very early hours of this morning while nodding off to sleep during my 10 hour night shift. I’ve found it very inspiring and mind opening.
Even though I’ve read a lot of material along similar lines that you write about, I’ve found your writing style and real life action to be very refreshing.
Great work on your efforts!
June 10, 2010
Eli
I agree with you, Chris. I’ve left behind alot of things in my life, and it’s never really easy. Thinking back to where we were and comparing it to where we are, you really see the progress you’ve made but the nostalgia can have a very strong emotional effect. All of the people and places that are far behind me and may never lie ahead of me, they are still intact in my mind. That’s the greatness of life, it’s a big ride.
And even if some great moments are far behind us, there are sure to be many more great ones ahead of us, too.
June 10, 2010
Taoist
You say “hold on” but I say let go. Memories are in the past; “NOW” is where we live, but try to avoid. Live now-the past has gone, the future is yet to come. Unchain your minds.
June 10, 2010
Taoist
Wherever you go in the world, you are not that far from your self. You can run, but you can’t hide. Free yourself from your self.
June 10, 2010
Patrick
People’s personalities come into play sometimes too. Some can move on easily, some resist it. I find I can move on – almost too easily. I have to try to find that line between holding on to make the memories more dear, and being able to move on to the next experience to keep the future right there. If I don’t find that line, I tend to move on so easily that the previous experience can be lost in the next.
I also continue to think “One day I may return” and later, when it becomes obvious that I won’t, enough time has past for it to hurt me.
Great article Chris.
June 10, 2010
Wyman
I remember sitting at the airport the day after graduation from American Community School in Beirut, Lebanon. I thought this would be the last time I would see my class members. We were like family after two years in the boarding department.
About ten years later we decided to have an all school reunion every three years. Going to that first reunion was so special. They had all gotten older while my wife (HS sweetheart) looked the same. Three years later we had aged too.
Memories are wonderful.
A few years ago they had the reunion in Beirut. We did not go because we wanted to remember Beirut as we know it before the civil war.
I made a trip to S. Calif and found all the houses I had lived in as a child. I found them but none were the same. I’ll just remember them and all the fun my cousins and I had as they where then. Places change but our memories don’t have too.
June 10, 2010
Ariane
Your lasts two (or 3?) posts have just hit the nail on the head. I really liked a quote from the Equatorial Guinea email when you said every once in a while you should say what you really think.
And then you write this, and it tops that quote for me. This email really struck a chord and I can definitely see it getting me through many difficult days.
June 10, 2010
emma
“You can dream all day long without closing your eyes.”
I absolutely adore that sentiment. Thank you for reminding me of its truth – it shifts everything.
I love being conscious in the midst of change. Sometimes, things end without awareness, and it is only after they are gone that one suddenly feels their absence. It requires such glorious ATTENTION to feel the transition. Cultivating that is priceless.
June 10, 2010
Barry Wright, III
This post really resonates with me Chris. One of my favorite and clearest memories from college happened annually around mid-May.
Finals week would roll around, and inevitably one day would come where I would need to pull an all-nighter. I’d work until about 5am, getting about 90% of my stuff done. Then, just before sunrise, I’d go outside and take a walk around campus. I walked around for about two hours, watching the sunrise over dorms and trees, reflecting on the past year, solidifying the memory and appreciating all the good and bad. It happened by accident at first, but by my senior year, I was pulling the all-nighter even though my exams were done.
Thanks for reminding me of those moments Chris.
June 10, 2010
Joel
The last half of my stay anywhere is always a little somber. It goes by so quick and I’m always wishing I did more. The GOOD part about this is, I’m usually more aware the last half and end up doing more in the second part that I did in the first part.
Now to take advantage of the first half of the time there…
June 10, 2010
R
This week, this very week I find myself fast-forwarded into my future. Transition. Out with the old, in with the new. And then there’s all that stuff in-between. Like …now.
June 10, 2010
Lisa MB
I almost missed this one today, Chris. Winding down for the evening and was *shocked* to see an unread email from you. (I usually devour them as soon as they arrive.)
You met me right where I am today. That space in between. I wrote earlier today that I am a new (re)creation and after putting up the post, it hit me that I am leaving many things behind.
I find that I’m scared to be here. Feeling bad had become a habit and I don’t know what to do with this new-found joy. I’m afraid that this will be short-lived and then what?
Thanks for the reminder to just savor the moment I am in now. A perfect thought to end the day.
June 10, 2010
Matt
It’s not exactly the same thing, but as an expat living overseas you find that at this time of year a lot of people are making semi-permanent transitions for new places (finishing high school or college, moving home, summer internships etc). My wife and I have been writing about how to make transitions well on our blog. The most helpful thing i’ve heard is the RAFT acrostic. It stands for:
- R econcile relationships with people you will be leaving behind.
- A ffirm the people/relationships that have made an impact on you.
- F arewell. Make sure to say goodbye to people/places/things.
- T hink destination. Don’t try to stay too emotionally and socially connected to what you leave behind, be present in the place you are.
June 10, 2010
Sylvia
Lovely, lovely post. And perfectly timed to coincide with thoughts I’ve been having myself the last couple of weeks.
There is a beautiful poem by the German author Hermann Hesse, titled “Stufen”, (Steps), which expresses very similar sentiments about changes and moving on. Anyone reading German might enjoy tracking it down. One phrase in it is: “Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne der uns beschuetzt und der uns hilft zu leben.”
Loosely translated it means: “In each beginning is contained a bit of magic which protects us and helps us live.”
Thank you for your perhaps best post ever.
June 10, 2010
Chip
This is so true, and it’s exactly what I am feeling at the moment. Thank you very much for sharing.
I find the hardest part of leaving a place that I think I’ll never come back again is when my friends ask me if they would see me again. I don’t know what to answer as whatever I say might bring tears in either my eyes or theirs.
The greatest part of traveling is you will meet a lot of interesting people. But right when you start to know them, you gotta to leave.
June 10, 2010
barbara kelpin
Nice sentence,”no credit limit on memories and “Spend on memories I say yes” I like that and will try to apply it in my life. Every day no matter if we travel we can always find something memorable. Watching the sun set, watching people and the love they show their families and pets. Makes one happy. Thanks for sharing your kind thoughts. B.K
June 10, 2010
Michael
Well said my friend… However, what is life without some adventure and passion?
I believe we all have those moments in life when we know we are leaving somewhere for the last time or seeing someone for the last time and I like you always try and take a moment to reflect on that and burn it to memory.
I believe those memories we make and the adventures we partake of are the fruit of life along the way…
Thank you for your posts. It is refreshing to follow your travels and to note your courage in doing so…
Michael
June 10, 2010
Mickey S
•*¨`*•?.•´*.¸.•´Wowser! Great post!
Like al the other well spoken comments
this post is resonating with me too.
Yup Yup.
Thank you for taking the time to write it out for us Chris.
Now I will go re-read it
.•*¨`*•.•´*.¸.•´
June 11, 2010
Ole
Well put! A friend of mine introduced me to a wonderful expression for keeping the higlights of your life – keep them like pearls on a string. Everytime you savour one – or stumble upon one – add that lustrous pearl to your string of precious moments.
June 11, 2010
Julie
Thank you, this is beautiful and so true!
June 11, 2010
Asa
I can’t believe the timing on this post. I’m just back in the States after 297 days traveling around the world, and I woke up at 5AM wondering what I’m doing. I met up with some friends and family last night welcoming me back, but inevitably the questions turned to “What are you going to do for work? Where are you going to live?” instead of talks about my trip. I don’t want to talk about what cell phone plan I’m going to get, I want to remember my awesome trip and all the memories I collected along the way. I am going to live in the moment. Thank you!
June 11, 2010
Mark McGuinness
“Human kind cannot bear very much reality” – T.S. Eliot.
Not without making an effort, anyway.
June 11, 2010
Nailah
This article could not have come at a more perfect time for me. As I start my final full day in Lebanon, I’m already missing this place and the people I’ve met here. I’m struggling between the sadness of leaving and the desire to enjoy myself until the minute they close the airplane door. The transition can be tough…or I can just embrace it and enjoy the ride.
June 11, 2010
Elizabeth
Your posts have been such an encouragement to me the last few months. Thank you.
June 11, 2010
BETH PLASTINO
“HOLD ON TO THE MOMENT AS LONG AS YOU CAN”
SO ENCOURAGING
June 11, 2010
Daniel Nolan
Amen!
June 11, 2010
Anthony J. Matthews
Chris, thanks for these thoughts. Whenever I’ve left anywhere “never to return” it’s always the people that I’m saddest to leave, especially if I have made friends who I might not see again. I’m going to a high school gathering (it’s been 35 years since I left, only once been back for a pop-in visit) and am already excited to see many people again who have been gone from my purview for such a long time. I wonder if I’ll recapture the thoughts and feelings that I had back then.
June 12, 2010
Lorra
This was great – your posts are always insightful. And I agree – hanging on to certain moments is crucial – it’s also important to know when to let go, too.
You’ve given me a renewed fascination with the physical world – my geography is a lot better, too
June 12, 2010
floreta
“A good character in a story has to struggle, and so it is with all of us.” Ah! Thanks for this dose of Perspective! I’d never thought of this and now I feel better about being in a transitional stage.
June 12, 2010
Sergio L Romero
Thanks a million Chris! Simply put, it hit home in all the right uncomfortable, comfortable ways! I needed to read this, it gives me hope, hope I already had for myself. Just feels good to read it when you’re not expecting to.
Cheers,
Serge
June 13, 2010
Cynthia Morris
What a moving post. (No pun intended!)
I’ve always said that transitions aren’t my forte – between paragraphs, goodbyes, endings….but you challenge me to re-think and re-live them. To not rush past the emotions inherent in a goodbye or a departure from a place.
You’ve also inspired me to be more personal with my writing, not necessarily with what I share but with how deep I am willing and able to go.
Thanks, Chris.
June 13, 2010
Mike Ziarko Musing
Well said Chris. Embrace the moment because it will be over before you know it. The reason I travel has always been for the experience and the memory. I will spend money I don’t have for an amazing trip, but I will nickle & dime over buying “things”. Things just give us momentary happiness, experiences give us lasting joy for a lifetime.
June 13, 2010
Phyllis
What a great post. I am going to be moving to a new state in a week and with all the planning and to do lists – it’s pretty overwhelming.
Thanks for the reminder to savor all the moments and let the emotion of it all just be!
Pingback: Planning to be fluid « Transcending
June 15, 2010
Vicki
You could have written this article for me. Honestly. I’ve somehow, in great fortune, stumbled across it. Have just made the transition out of a high-paying, high-stress job into running my own arts marketing consultancy – a long-term dream. My first contract is an international one and I am in a new city for a month. Instead of feeling exhilarated, liberated and excited, as I expected to be feeling, I have been overwhelmed by anxiety and raw fear, and a strong urge to run back to my old workplace and beg for my job back. This reaction and the emotions have taken me completely by surprise. My first reaction has been panic – to grab onto to the next bar as Lisa so articulately put (I really have felt like I am floating and might fall) and to beat myself up (why did I take the hard road, what was I thinking yadda yadda). Today I made a conscious effort today to sit with the discomfort. This is why your words are so amazingly relevant. Because they confirm that the discomfort is GOOD.
June 15, 2010
Terry
I admire what you write about feeling the raw emotion and even the awkwardness. We’re trained to do otherwise.
It takes courage not to avoid the truth.
June 16, 2010
Keith
I’m not the most regular reader of your blog, but it always amazes me that you can hit the nail on the head about an esoteric topic like this one. When I was a kid, a friend of mine was moving away – as I was walking home from his house after saying goodbye, I experienced the same kind of transitional moment you are talking about in this piece. Keep up the good work!
June 16, 2010
John Sherry
For transition I read wanderlust Chris. Something inside knows that my landscape is about to change even though I can’t see the horizon. Our natural instincts are stronger than most ever recognise.
June 18, 2010
Jamie
Good or bad right now, it will change
But it will never be mediocre
In the end, my story will be thrilling
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away”
Thanks for such an inspiring post Chris.