On the flight back from South America last week, the airline was showing Yes Man, a film starring Jim Carrey. Left to my own devices, I rarely finish a movie, but I watched the first two-thirds of this one and thought it was great.
The premise of Yes Man is that a guy who usually says no to everything – requests from friends, growth opportunities at work, and so on – has to make a sudden switch where his default answer becomes yes to any request he encounters.
As he says yes instead of no, his life dramatically changes. He gives away money on the street, signs up for guitar lessons, talks a suicide jumper down from the ledge, and so on. Like most movies created by committee in Hollywood, it’s highly formulaic – but I liked the message: instead of saying no to opportunities, why not find a way to say yes?
As powerful as that message is, however, I couldn’t help thinking about the vast majority of people who have gone to see that movie. The question I zeroed in on was, “What do you think most of those people thought and did after they left the theatre?”
Here’s my speculation. I think they thought to themselves:
“That was a nice movie. Jim Carrey is a good actor.”
And here’s what I think they did:
Absolutely nothing. As in, nothing different than before they saw the movie.
To them, the idea of saying yes to life is just a movie. That’s why movies like Yes Man are so popular: they offer a Cinderella fantasy for the practitioners of life avoidance. It falls in the same alternative universe as Spiderman – a good world to be immersed in for 109 minutes, but none of it is real, right?
Part of me wants to grab these people as they leave the theatre: “Hey! What if it wasn’t just a movie? What if you really got up tomorrow and decided to live that way? This is your wake-up call!”
Of course, I know that wouldn’t go over well. Some people are comfortable with living vicariously through Hollywood. It’s an easy, safe, comfortable choice, and I’d rather preach to the choir than evangelize the unconverted.
***
In the Rock-Paper-Scissors game of life, every day we have endless choices. Door A or B, blue or red pill, etc. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Hope beats fear
2. Abundance beats scarcity
3. Yes beats no
A few years ago, I started saying yes to things. It wasn’t a gimmick like the movie, and I didn’t say yes to everything – but I went from looking for reasons to say no and started looking for ways to say yes.
- Round-the-World trip while I’m still in school? OK.
- Climb Table Mountain in South Africa when I’m supposed to be working? Alright.
- Go running in the middle of the night in Sri Lanka? Sure.
Conventional living is all about being balanced, well-rounded, risk-adverse, and safe. The problem is that well-rounded people rarely do anything interesting. Balanced people don’t usually change the world.
The alternative is to truly live, and come back tired – even if you’re not traveling. Be better than you have been before. Give more than you take. Embrace the extremes. Say yes.
Final Thoughts
That thing you’re working on today – will it matter one year from now? If so, great. Keep doing that. If not, why are you doing it?
Here’s wishing you well from my new home (for this week) in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I hope all is well with you, wherever you are.
###
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Image by Tyla
July 13, 2009
Stephen Johnson
I haven’t seen this movie Chris but like you, often think about the practitioners of life avoidance. It’s so easy to say ‘no’, instead of stepping back for a moment and searching for the possibilities a situation may hold. In my humble opinion, saying ‘no’ is just another reflection of the mediocrity that permeates so much of life and society. Posts like this encourage people to be more open, and maybe even, to say ‘yes’.
July 13, 2009
Diane Elizabeth
I loved this, Chris. It makes so much sense. I lived a traditional life for so many years doing everything you were expected to do and accomplished everything you were supposed to want. In the end, I was left wondering……”This is it?” It all seemed so hollow and not very inspiring to say the least.
My mission is now to be the very best me and stretch and explore all the talents and gifts that might not have been nurtured by established society. I’m going to do what I want to do. What a concept!
I am choosing the Art of Non Conformity. One last thought: “Who made all these rules and why is everyone following them?”
July 13, 2009
Clint
I think a more effective method for me to use is to replace “I can’t” with either a straight yes or no. I’ve found that you can create a lot of feelings of helplessness by going with can’t instead of owning the responsibility of agreeing (or not) to something.
July 13, 2009
Erika Lyremark
Chris, love it. One of my favorite movies and one that I recommend to my clients who need to believe in the power of yes. Just last week I gave this exact assignment to a client. Keep spreading the word about the yes man.
July 13, 2009
Paulette Rees-Denis
Right on Chris, you rule….
always great and inspiring comments….
thanks for what you do and bring to the world!
July 13, 2009
Steven
Well, I haven’t seen the film.
I have had one almighty bitch of a day and then I read this post. This got me:
“That thing you’re working on today – will it matter one year from now? If so, great. Keep doing that. If not, why are you doing it?”
No.
So, walked right out of that day and got me a taxi to something worthwhile.
Thanks Chris – Day 1 of the rest of my life begins at 8.00am tomorrow.
July 13, 2009
The Backpack Foodie
Chris, I think you underestimate the courage of “ordinary” people. I know people who have been inspired by “Yes Man” – and it doesn’t need to be a life-altering revolution to be significant. Sometimes it means opening up in a small but meaningful way in their daily lives. Shouldn’t we also celebrate this?
I watched this movie shortly after I had decided to leave my cozy job as a videogame producer, and travel the world. It was very impressive for me, as it corroborated the way I had just decided to live my life. I found it uplifting, even if it had all the pretenses of a run-of-the-mill romantic comedy.
A while later, talking to my brother, I suggested the movie to him. I thought it would lead nowhere. But when he saw it he vowed to say “yes” more often. He went trekking with friends and returned burnt out and happy. He said yes to me when I invited him to backpack in Hungary for a week.
My brother might not end up doing something that will transcend his life experience. But for a few days, he did try it out, in his own, significant way. And for me, that makes it all worth it.
July 13, 2009
Andrew Parkes
Love this post, Chris.
What I also got from the movie is that we can’t say YES to everything without getting overwhelmed and tired. Maybe like, ‘You can have anything you want but not everything.’
But, like you say, the main point is to start saying YES more than NO.
July 13, 2009
Lo
Thank you so much for this post! Lately I really need a rallying cry to follow, and this is it: The alternative is to truly live.
Also, I rented Yes Man specifically because I thought it would be inspiring. Completely ignored the Hollywood. I’m still a year away from saying yes, but already working on being free of the fear that’s always caused me to say no.
July 13, 2009
Tedi May
Dear Chris:
Your words of being a “Yes” are wise and true.
I have seen from being a yest that my life has been blessed, and I have blessed the lives of others..
I have led my life being a yes, because I was told early on by my inventor Father that I could do anything I thought I could do, and I believed him..Being a Yes creates space for possibility, fun, joy, and creativity for us all.
PEACE n LOVE, Tedi May, Dirt Road Delight
July 13, 2009
MassiveGrowth
“Practitioners of life avoidance”. That is a brilliant phrase, and aptly describes the vast majority of those who say they should be doing this, should be doing that, but end up “should”-ing all over themselves.
July 13, 2009
Mallory
There is strength in saying no, but there is power in saying yes! I liked this article. I am trying to say yes now more than I say no. It costs me sometimes, but the costs have been worth it. In terms of will it matter in 5 years, it may not matter much, but what I do will matter.
July 13, 2009
Christa M. Miller
I’m so glad you posted this, Chris. Serendipitously, today I talked with a woman who runs a nonprofit that funds law enforcement agencies in their investigations of Internet crimes against children. She had me in tears with details, and I keep thinking I really don’t want to write these stories… but now that I know, I can’t really not. Thanks for reinforcing my instinct to walk away from “safety.”
July 13, 2009
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now
I used to be the person that finds a way to say “no” to things too. I realized I was really living in fear. I knew I didn’t want to live in fear, so the first thing I did was join Toastmasters. I forced myself to get up in front of people and speak. It scared the crap out of me, but now I’m building a speaking career because I love doing it.
I still say no too often, but I’m working on this issue. As of right now I’m finding more ways to say yes. I needed this post tonight. Thanks!
July 13, 2009
Peter Mis
Chris,
Great post! I agree that the vast majority simply enjoyed the movie and then went home. I admit that I, too, have seen inspirational movies that never inspired me. It wasn’t the movie’s fault…I was the one that simply never got it! Leaving what you know means leaving safety behind. At a time like this, many are being forced to leave what they know behind, simply because what they know isn’t what the world needs right now. They can either embrace the opportunities that exist in the new world, or maintain their oblivious-victims-of-themselves life status.
AONC, to me, is a case study of the possible. Sadly, many don’t live in the world of possibility. They have survived in mediocrity. Many simply have no idea how much they can actually achieve…have no idea of the inner greatness that they possess!
Perhaps someday the light will switch on and people will understand who and what they really are. Their inspiration may come from a movie or from a blog. Let’s hope they get there!
Thanks for sharing your gift!
It’s a great day to be you!
July 13, 2009
BarefootFord
I think over all the world would have less grocery stores and more ice cream shops if everyone always had to say “yes.”
Andrew
July 14, 2009
Mike
What if “balance is where you find it”?
You write (or I understand what you wrote) as if balance itself is a proxy for mediocrity or conventionality, and of course this depends on your view of the term balance. The idea that “Conventional living is all about being balanced, well-rounded, risk-adverse, and safe.” seems wrong to me.
You can have unconventional goals and lead an unconventional life and still be balanced, imo. The difference is you decide to put the fulcrum for your balance in an unconventional place.
July 14, 2009
gwyn
Great post! You make a very good point about how the public takes in such messages in the form of Hollywood. They pretty much don’t, which is a shame. It is up to those of us that “get it” to put the messages out there through our actions, which you do. However I have a comment on the use of balance in your post. I understand what you are saying, but balance can be defined different ways as it applies to many facets of life. While it is important that we open ourselves up to opportunities (even crazy ones) by learning to say yes, we must also know when to say no. For many of us that is as big a lesson.
July 14, 2009
Sandi Grandberry
Chris, You understand! I smiled at the comment about being on the other side of 35, I am on the other side of 60 and just yesterday decided to get my PhD. I will probably never use it for financial gain, but it will be a complete source of personal satisfaction which will way outweight the $50,000 it will cost me.
Now, your post here gave me a boost to look for those grants and scholarships I have been hesitant to look for…because no one would give a grant to an old lady . Thanks
July 14, 2009
Genevieve
Great article I will forward. Doors open when you say yes, when you stay open to all fields of possibility even if they don’t seem related in the conventional sense with what you think you should be doing. I recently said yes to running a marathon and fundraising for a charity organization–it’s been a terrifying journey into the unsafe realms for me (asking friends, family and strangers for money). But it’s opened up new doors in ways I could have never imagined before.
We all should say yes, everyday, to something we don’t normally do. It expands the psyche!
July 14, 2009
@Takuya_Hikichi
Great insight Chris, I just watched this DVD last week. I loved the part when he started speaking Korean fluently.
July 14, 2009
Louis Rosas-Guyon
“The problem is that well-rounded people rarely do anything interesting. Balanced people don’t usually change the world.”
Absolutely brilliant! That is exactly the kind of thing I believe in so deeply. Thanks for putting it into such succinct language. Great post.
July 14, 2009
Katie
Awesome Snippet:
“truly live, and come back tired”
July 15, 2009
Nathalie Molina
Amen! Focused on 3 year strategies today, so yes, my hope is it’ll matter in a year. We shall see!!! Solid question to ask on a regular basis!
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July 16, 2009
Laura Cococcia - The Journal of Cultural Conversation
Hope your travels are going/went well, Chris. I love the end of your post with the question – will the thing you’re working on matter a year from now? Helped me really analyze my current projects, and rework what’s been working for me and not as I continue down my own creative journey. Looking forward to your next post soon!
July 19, 2009
teevee
I saw this movie recently and thought the same thing, so finding someone write about it and ask the questions in my own head just tickled me.
One of the basic principles in improv is “Yes, and!” I have studied and applied that principle in my life as much as possible.
If the actors in improv say no to ideas as they are being presented than the scene stalls and dies.
I suppose at the end of the day, the idea is to be a Yes(Wo)Man to life and open yourself to the possibilities that are presented to us. Both good and bad.
July 19, 2009
Tabitha
This article is incredibly refreshing, especially that I’m reading it so early in the morning. I agree 110% with it. Most of us think of FEAR right away before trying things out, which make them miss the great adventures of life. I always try to motivate people in taking that first step of just saying “yes” and making them experience the things that follow after that and not regretting a single moment.
July 20, 2009
Amy
Maybe the reason you list is why I don’t really like watching movies. I just feel it’s a waste of time. I like the really good movies – I could watch Amélie a million times over. But the bulk of it is just a way to waste your time. One of my friend doesn’t get that – she absolutely doesn’t understand why I could not like watching movies.
And to answer your question at the end: my personal project is that I’m organising and uncluttering my place, and trying to save up more and more money every month – I want to go to China next year, and I just want to get rid of all the useless stuff now, so that storing my useful stuff & packing will be much easier in a year from now
& a decent amount of money in your pocket (figuratively speaking) wouldn’t hurt.
July 21, 2009
Elaine
Just last week my partner Ted asked if I wanted to watch the “Yes Man” DVD with him.
I said No.
Now you’ve got me thinking…
July 26, 2009
Nichole Moses
I had the exact same feelings when I saw the movie. How many people realize that they can literally change their lives by doing things out of the ordinary once in a while, or breaking away from their comfort zone. If you want to make a change in your life, you must do something different.
July 26, 2009
Joe_mx
I totally agree with you about this movie. YES MAN, well a formula, but for people like us, who strive for something bigger, better, beautiful, a great story of life, the message is so clear, because we are open to them, to the learning experience of every person, movie, song, mistake, what ever.
I so refreshing from time to time to come here and read you, and all the people that follow you. It makes me remember my commiment to my life, to my goals.. to “why not see it all, do it all, we are here until we get to go”…
thanks again Chris for your thoughts, time and enthusiasm to life
July 29, 2009
Cara
Excellent post Chris, though I have to say that I disagree with you on one thing, though I suspect that it is a definitional problem more than anything.
I will join with the contrarians that being well-rounded is not the same as being boring, nor is it the same thing as dipping your toe in each little part of the pool, but never diving in anywhere. In other words, I being truly well-rounded isn’t what your high school guidance counselor thought it was.
Being well rounded and balanced is about being curious about the world and taking off the blinders that keep us focused on our own lives and careers. It doesn’t mean that you don’t dive in to your work or hobbies with a passion, but that you engage with the universe with enthusiasm, gratitude, and wonder to find out more beyond yourself and your norms.
Of course, my entire blog is devoted to being well-rounded, so I have an interest. Thanks for what you do and for sharing it with us.
August 18, 2009
monica
I loved that movie. It was sort of a wake-up call for me..I’m trying to be more open-minded and say yes to more opportunities!
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August 29, 2009
Kaitlin M
[That thing you’re working on today – will it matter one year from now? If so, great. Keep doing that. If not, why are you doing it?]
That final thought was very powerful, I think if we all just stopped for a moment everyday and asked ourselves, is what I am doing right now, helping me get to where I want to end up? We would be better off.
So instead of getting to the end of the year and thinking what have I done with all this time, we would know and the question wouldn’t even enter our head.
Thanks for the great article.
October 19, 2009
Nathalie Arsenault
I agree with most of what was said, except for this statement: ‘Balanced people don’t usually change the world’. If Gandhi wasn’t balanced in mind, body and soul, do you think he could have achieved all the great changes he has?
You must be balanced within yourself before changing anyone else or anything else. Work on the foundation before building a home. Balanced doesn’t mean ‘boring’, it just means that you understand yourself fully and you follow your own true feelings. When you understand this, you can change the world, for the better that is.
October 26, 2009
Terry Okono
I haven’t see the movie but i think its a great movie from all what has been said. I’ve been trying for a while to “get out” of my “comfort zone” and your post has added much energy to my ‘urge’. I sure need to see the movie as only then can I comment reasonably.