I do. It gets lonely out there traveling by myself, spending entire days without talking to anyone sometimes, hanging out in countries where I don’t speak the language and am obviously a foreigner.
My work suffers and I make a lot less money than I could if I stayed in one place for a while; sometimes I don’t make any money at all. It’s funny how people expect you to do something for them when they pay you.
Sometimes I feel like the restaurant critic who knows that no one will understand the challenges of his work. “But you get to eat for free all the time!” his friends will protest when he tries to tell them he gets tired of it or that it can be hard.
Yes, I am so fortunate that I get to write and travel. Believe me, I love it. But like that guy who eats at nice restaurants all the time, it doesn’t always work out the way everyone else imagines it does.
Sometimes the hours go by in a blur, on red-eye flights to Frankfurt and Hong Kong where the continents drift by on the navigation screen in front of me. But other times the time passes very slowly.
I sit in bus stations and third-world airports and on park benches all over the world, waiting for something to open or for someone to help me figure out how to get to Bucharest or Lagos or San Jose.
I try to make good use of the time reading and writing, but when I’m tired and jet-lagged, I mostly just wait. There’s no expense account to pay for drinks and nice meals, and finding healthy food on a budget can be challenging in some countries.
***
Dealing with critics, as any good leader has to do from time to time, makes me tired, too. It’s true that the more impact you have, the more you will be criticized. Expect it. Unless you’re hiding out in average land, the critics will find you and tell you why you’re wrong, unimportant, irrelevant, and so on.
I realized recently that my greatest weakness as a leader is insecurity. Sometimes, I’ll admit to those of you who are following this adventure, I care more about what people think of me than I care about making the right decision. I know that’s not good, and I’m working on it.
A 4-Step Encouragement Mantra for the Journey
(Note: I wrote this in first-person, for myself… but please steal and modify it for yourself.)
- I can do it.
- I could always have a regular life somewhere.
- But I’ve chosen a different path.
- And I won’t give up.
My friend Jove is running a 100-mile trail race this Saturday. I’m a runner too, but not like Jove. He runs at least 50 miles a week on average and is nice enough to let me come along for a “short” 10 mile run once in a while whenever we’re both in town.
One recent weekend, he ran 18 miles on Friday, then hiked 13 miles on Saturday with a 50-pound backpack, ran 18 more on Sunday before hiking 7.5, then hiked 6 miles back out on Monday.
Jove runs without music, and he runs almost every day. I asked him the other day, how do you stick with it? This is what he said:
I haven’t really found a lot of times where it’s not enjoyable, but this year the few training down spots I’ve hit I’ve just tried to remind myself what a monumental task a 100miler is. Also, if I get out the door and start running, I usually feel better about running. If I’m a couple miles in and still feel bad about running that day, I’ll put the long run off for another day. I haven’t really had to do that too much this year though.
The past two 50ks I’ve run, I’ve hit a low spot around miles 15-17, where the initial steam starts to fade. Luckily, I’ve managed to catch people at this time in both runs, which puts some wind back in your sails and reminds you that 50k isn’t easy for anyone.
OK, that’s cool. I don’t think that will help me run 100 miles at once, but I can use it for a marathon. Or perhaps for the train ride from Moldova to Romania when the customs guys barge in and turn all the lights on at exactly 3:00 a.m.
Two Steps Forward
Oh, one more thing. Sometimes we fall back on our world takeover plans. Things go wrong, Bangladesh doesn’t issue a visa, we get tired, etc. The only response is to keep going; the only trick is perseverance. You may take a step backwards, but you have to keep taking steps forward.
Yes, I feel like giving up sometimes. But I know I won’t. And I hope you’ll stick it out too.
Speaking of that… how about you over there on the other side of the screen? How do you keep going when you feel like giving up?
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Image: Shefaet
December 8, 2011
Liz
When I feel like “Giving Up” and I do about once a month.
I just tell myself to drop what I am doing, step away, and enjoy something in life like a good cup of coffee, watching a movie with my husband, or just something I like on TV. Most of the time, the reason I feel like giving up is because I haven’t taken the time to allow myself to relax. I force myself to give my little mind a break from all the task at hand and all that gets me down. Sometimes I just need a few hours, sometimes a few days, but usually something happens in that time that gets my spirit back up and I get inspired again- like a new blog like this one, or a new client project. I’m easily exciteable, so I can really get revved up again with something simple. I am also working to schedule in some down time this year to help reduce those times of feeling like I want to quit. Quitting really isn’t worth it to me when I think about it. I love my life and would never go back to a 9-5 job! Yuck! 
December 12, 2011
iktomi
there are some things that will not work no matter how much effort you put into it. age comes on you, health, family responsibility, finances, death of a loved one, etc. but usually there is a substitute that works when the original idea doesn’t…it is all a matter of perspective…unless you like to beat yourself up. knowing when to quit and letting go has a lot going for it…peace of mind and souland less turmoil.
December 25, 2011
Rebecca
First i get mad at myself for making the choices that lead me to a point of giving up lol then i muster the energy to write all the things i think went wrong and put systems in place to make sure they dont happen again, then i freeze a bit and worry im gonna make the wrong choices again lol, then I chill out and stop being so hard on myself lol, remind myself to “take away the filter” and make sure im not missing something im meant to notice, then i re-evaluate, then i try again- and again, and again and again lol…
January 9, 2012
David Bonifant
I have, in the past, (20 years ago) shared your capacity to enjoy long distance running, having completed a couple of marathons on the Gold Coast, Australia. Subsequently, 10 years ago I completed the treacherous war time journey in Papua New Guinea 96kms up and down through 40,000 feet – The Kokoda Track, over 6.5 days. In training, I discovered for both exercises a “state” I describe as my “all day running mode”. That is to say a phenomena that allowed me to put my
“thumb in bum and mind in neutral” (to coin an old army saying) – that comfortable state that allowed me to continue easily without pain or desire to give up. Since I have discovered I can put myself into this mode often when tempted to give in!
February 10, 2012
Mike Boulding
Truth be told, I don’t give up simply because I hate the feeling of giving up. Even if it’s an awful idea, I’m insatiably curious and I can’t stand the thought of wondering ‘what if….’ so I usually give any particular challenge my all, just so I can say I didn’t give up. There comes a point sometimes, where I know that it’s time to count my losses and move on, but that’s only when I’ve decided it’s time to move on. I can’t stand the thought of some arbitrary force dictating when I succeed or fail. If I do have to give up for whatever reason, and I feel I could have done better, I return at a later date and try again, just so that I can say ‘It’s done.’ I always see things through if for no other reason then just so I can say that I always see things through… and seeing a post like this is quite inspiring, just so I know that there’s someone else out there who’s leading an unconventional life and has to deal with the solitude. It’s comforting, and I salute your honest in this post Chris. Thank you.
March 12, 2012
Melanie Smithson
I think all self-employed people must have the experience of wanting to give up from time to time. I like giving myself permission to give up for an hour or a day or for how ever long it takes to pass. The act of welcoming the feeling seems to help it move along faster. Trying to push through it just makes me tired.
April 29, 2012
Michael
I agree with you here. Some days I wake up and the motivation is just there. I feel an itch to get out of my house and pursue my dreams (whatever they might be at the moment). Other days… I feel what I describe as ‘bleh’. There is no spring in my walk and everything I undertake seems like a grind. Success comes to those who can put in the effort day in and day out. Somehow.
May 6, 2012
Tony
I believe that life is a journey to be experienced, with both highs and lows. I have come to the realisation that when I am on a high, I will experience an equal low, and when I am low (unmotivated), I will experience an equal high. (This helps me get out of the doldrums and mentally balanced). I guess it is a little like ‘ying / yang’. All of lifes experiences happen for a reason – enjoy the journey!
May 8, 2012
susie
yep i know how it feels. Giving up is an event occuring in me at least once a month. Ive been planning to quit my business not because it is making huge losses but the exact routine is driving me nuts and daily attachment is getting a toll on my mental health and my life in generally. Yes ive been telling myself to quit and here i am 10 years later still in the same situation. I love my staffs and knowing that this is their bread and butter made me postponed my intention hundred of times….
May 10, 2012
Jon
For me, “The 4 Agreements” and other books by Don Miguel Ruiz have helped me with the courage to keep going forward. It’s easy to get swayed by opinion of others who themselves are just trying to feel safe. The best way is to challenge the “core beliefs” that go against yourself; that is the cause of your suffering. Then with that awareness, you can change the beliefs or find new agreements to replace them. This is all part of the unlearning process. What do we really want?