Wed 16 Jul 2008
If you're new here, you may want to learn what this site is about. I encourage you to subscribe to my RSS feed or sign up for free email updates. Thanks for visiting!
I do. It gets lonely out there traveling by myself, spending entire days without talking to anyone sometimes, hanging out in countries where I don’t speak the language and am obviously a foreigner.
My work suffers and I make a lot less money than I could if I stayed in one place for a while; sometimes I don’t make any money at all. It’s funny how people expect you to do something for them when they pay you.
Sometimes I feel like the restaurant critic who knows that no one will understand the challenges of his work. “But you get to eat for free all the time!” his friends will protest when he tries to tell them he gets tired of it or that it can be hard.
Yes, I am so fortunate that I get to write and travel. Believe me, I love it. But like that guy who eats at nice restaurants all the time, it doesn’t always work out the way everyone else imagines it does.
Sometimes the hours go by in a blur, on red-eye flights to Frankfurt and Hong Kong where the continents drift by on the navigation screen in front of me. But other times the time passes very slowly.
I sit in bus stations and third-world airports and on park benches all over the world, waiting for something to open or for someone to help me figure out how to get to Bucharest or Lagos or San Jose.
I try to make good use of the time reading and writing, but when I’m tired and jet-lagged, I mostly just wait. There’s no expense account to pay for drinks and nice meals, and finding healthy food on a budget can be challenging in some countries.
***
Dealing with critics, as any good leader has to do from time to time, makes me tired, too. It’s true that the more impact you have, the more you will be criticized. Expect it. Unless you’re hiding out in average land, the critics will find you and tell you why you’re wrong, unimportant, irrelevant, and so on.
I realized recently that my greatest weakness as a leader is insecurity. Sometimes, I’ll admit to those of you who are following this adventure, I care more about what people think of me than I care about making the right decision. I know that’s not good, and I’m working on it.
A 4-Step Encouragement Mantra for the Journey
(Note: I wrote this in first-person, for myself… but please steal and modify it for yourself.)
- I can do it.
- I could always have a regular life somewhere.
- But I’ve chosen a different path.
- And I won’t give up.
My friend Jove is running a 100-mile trail race this Saturday. I’m a runner too, but not like Jove. He runs at least 50 miles a week on average and is nice enough to let me come along for a “short” 10 mile run once in a while whenever we’re both in town.
One recent weekend, he ran 18 miles on Friday, then hiked 13 miles on Saturday with a 50-pound backpack, ran 18 more on Sunday before hiking 7.5, then hiked 6 miles back out on Monday.
Jove runs without music, and he runs almost every day. I asked him the other day, how do you stick with it? This is what he said:
I haven’t really found a lot of times where it’s not enjoyable, but this year the few training down spots I’ve hit I’ve just tried to remind myself what a monumental task a 100miler is. Also, if I get out the door and start running, I usually feel better about running. If I’m a couple miles in and still feel bad about running that day, I’ll put the long run off for another day. I haven’t really had to do that too much this year though.
The past two 50ks I’ve run, I’ve hit a low spot around miles 15-17, where the initial steam starts to fade. Luckily, I’ve managed to catch people at this time in both runs, which puts some wind back in your sails and reminds you that 50k isn’t easy for anyone.
OK, that’s cool. I don’t think that will help me run 100 miles at once, but I can use it for a marathon. Or perhaps for the train ride from Moldova to Romania when the customs guys barge in and turn all the lights on at exactly 3:00 a.m.
Two Steps Forward
Oh, one more thing. Sometimes we fall back on our world takeover plans. Things go wrong, Bangladesh doesn’t issue a visa, we get tired, etc. The only response is to keep going; the only trick is perseverance. You may take a step backwards, but you have to keep taking steps forward.
Yes, I feel like giving up sometimes. But I know I won’t. And I hope you’ll stick it out too.
Speaking of that… how about you over there on the other side of the screen? How do you keep going when you feel like giving up?
###
RSS Feed | Email Updates | A Brief Guide To World Domination
Did you enjoy this article? Please pass it on to others at your favorite social networking site, or share your own thoughts in the comments below.
Bookmark at:StumbleUpon | Digg | Del.icio.us | Dzone | Newsvine | Spurl | Simpy | Furl | Reddit | Yahoo! MyWeb
Cheng
July 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Truth be told, when things get rough, I usually give up. Not forever though. But I usually stop all efforts and take a few days or even two weeks to ask myself why I’m doing what I’m doing. Am I happy doing what I’m doing? Is the struggle worth it? This small period of self-reflection usually reminds me of the reasons why I’m in this particular situation to begin with. And if the reasons don’t sound as convincing as they did at the beginning of my endeavor (it happens), that’s usually a clear sign to me that this might not be worth it, that I’m most likely wasting my time/efforts and should be looking at alternative solutions to my current dilemma.
wesley
July 16th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Yes, I do sometimes feel like just having a regular life rather than following the dream, but really I’m just way too stubborn, focused and good at the delay of gratification to follow through on the giving up.
Ariel
July 16th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I’m a student at MIT and consequently there are numerous times (sometimes it feels like ALL the time) during the semester when the workload really gets to me and I feel like giving up - like finals week. I’ve spent some time thinking about how to keep myself motivated and here are a few things I’ve found work for me - none of them work all the time, but almost always, at least one of them will:
1) Music. I’ve found that music can radically change my mood, so I have compiled a “Happy” playlist and a “Workout” playlist - for use when…. well that’s obvious.
2) Caffeine. (Caveat: this only works as a short-term fix that works over a few hours) Everyone uses caffeine when they’re tired because of the energy boost that caffeine gives you. But what most people probably don’t know is that it also makes you feel happier by increasing dopamine levels (the same way heroine and cocaine do.)
3) Motivational quotes. I like to keep track of quotes that really speak to me and give me a different perspective. One of my favorites (unfortunately I can’t remember the exact words… or the speaker, but this is the gist of it) is: “Success isn’t getting up and working on the days you feel like it. It’s getting up and working on the days you don’t feel like it.”
4) Talking to myself. I find this is particularly effective when I’m exercising. When I’m at the point of giving up but I know I still have something left in me to push even further, I repeat to myself something along the lines of “Don’t give up… you know you can keep going.”
(Don’t laugh at me)
John Sharpe
July 16th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I think of going back to average and that’s not an option!
kirsti
July 16th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Usually I take a step back and think about how many things are part of the struggle. Some days, it is like the universe is trying to tell me ‘wrong way!’ and in these moments, I just surrender and think for a while. Kinda gather the forces if it were. Other days, I am just tired or one thing has got me down and it is usually an indicator of a need for rest….so I do….or I go to a garden, or better - a temple and just be for a while……Sometimes the struggle is because I really am going against who I am and what I want to do so I take obstacles as a reminder of that….
Janice
July 16th, 2008 at 9:15 am
What do I do? I keep reading your blog or go ride my bike or run with a friend. Thanks for the great insight. Keep it up.
Rebecca
July 16th, 2008 at 9:16 am
THANK YOU for this post! Last night I had a dream where my mentor asked me, “Are you sure you want to keep running your school?” and I woke up before I dreamed my own answer. Then before I could go back to sleep, I heard strange animal noises outside (I live in Durango, CO, a town of 15K, right downtown, 1/2 block off main so I assumed it was a really weird raccoon noise) and when I went outside to check it out, I was face to face with a mountain lion.
We stared at each other for a while and then I shooed her away (she obliged-whew!). But she came back, stared in my front door at me and hung out for quite some time. It was surreal and felt like an explanation point on the question, “Do I want to keep on going?” and then I check emails and see this post from you. My answer is YES!
Ron McDaniel
July 16th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Hi Chris.
I did a lot of traveling when I was younger, including living on some beaches. My parents were against the reckless behavior, but I had some unexpected allies. My Grandparents surprised me and supported what I was doing.
It turns out, once you get old you look back on all the stuff you did, or you look back and think about all the stuff you could have done. I always remind myself that I am building great memories - the boring stuff fades but the adventures remain.
Shayna Walker
July 16th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I think of my children, and the example I’m trying to set for them by pursuing my dreams instead of mediocrity. There’s nothing like responsibility for the next generation to give you back your strength.
Jerry Higgins
July 16th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Chris,
It takes a pretty secure person to admit that they feel a bit ‘insecure’ at times…..my hat’s off to you. I’m on a mission to care less and less each day what others think about me…..It’s the ultimate challenge.
Benny Lewis
July 16th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Chris; very good point. Travel tends to help you accumulate interesting stories and so, people presume that every second of your life is non-stop fun and adventure. And people thinking that you are constantly living it up and are in no place to complain makes it even worse. The loneliness (when not travelling with someone), and the confusion and frustration in strange cultures happens to a lot of travellers. That thought is what helps me get through those blue times, like the group the Police said “seems I’m not alone in being alone” when sending out their SOS.
I’m lucky enough to have some friends that will listen to me bitch about such things as well as hearing the superficial “guess what I did today” travel stories. Some of them are fellow globe-trotters (what would we do without instant messaging when we need it..), so whenever I’m thousands of kilometres from anyone I know, someone online is always ready to cheer me up! Otherwise, if this isn’t an option, I just think that just around the corner there may just be someone else in the same predicament and I may well just get the advice I need from someone closer at hand. I’ve related so much to even people who have never travelled when I do finally open up a little and see that deep down, we’re all not that different really.
Your post for example reminds me and all others out there, that we aren’t the only ones feeling that way. There’s an old Swedish saying: Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow
ryan
July 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Whenever I feel like giving up I just think about what I will be settling for. I see it all around me, in the people at work, the people I pass on the street.
I know that the minimum is not acceptable, and that the shot at greatness may not work out, but I am going to try.
Haven’t quit yet.
Elvis Montero
July 16th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I’ve felt like giving up so many times it’s not even funny (and I’m only 25). Like most people, I’m hesitant when facing uncertainty. 2 recent examples:
- Travel abroad to get my MS degree when I have no money saved, no scholarship and I’d probably have to carry a significant debt for many years of my life? Done.
- Abandon a more-than-decent paycheck to focus exclusively on my education in the middle of a worldwide economic recession? Done.
I think we’re just fearful. We fear the prospect of failure so much that we neglect any affirmative action out of what-if, irrational thoughts (What if I waste my father’s savings and I don’t get the degree? What if I don’t get a good job once I’m done? What if…).
How do I keep going even when I feel like giving up? I say to myself: “You have nothing to lose. What’s the worst that could happen? This is your life. You’re in control. Go for it!” As cliche as it may sound, it does work! These trite remarks usually change my mindset and mood completely in times of vacillation. I’ve learned you can talk yourself into pretty much anything. It takes time (and practice). But it does work.
Sandy
July 16th, 2008 at 10:54 am
When I feel like giving up I think of all the people cheering me on. How could I tell all those friends that “I quit” after they have told me how much they admire me and how I’ve encouraged them to step outside their comfort zone.
I also do something really enjoyable like take my work/note book down to the lake on a beautiful day and get myself a nice iced tea. I do this around noon when all the corporate people are out trying to catch a few minutes of the beautiful weather. Usually after watching the suits and thinking of my great friends I can push on.
Ari Koinuma
July 16th, 2008 at 11:02 am
The thought crosses my mind daily.
But then, I remind myself that when it comes to my lifework, the ONLY thing I can do wrong, is to quit. It’s not about reaching goals. It’s about trying, and enjoy the path to get there.
I make take breaks, but I come back. Always.
ari
Hannah
July 16th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Hey Chris,
Thanks for sharing the honesty. I think my latest insight has been - to do it anyway. I am a Ph.D. student, which also means facing yourself, your fears, aaaaall your insecurities, over and over again. I don’t get anything done, let alone produce a publish-worthy paper, unless I can somewhere find the confidence to keep going, one tiny baby step at a time.
Over time, I have tried different things, including all of the above, - caffeine, reading inspirational quotes, reading books&blogs, going out to party, giving up, staying in bed altogether, getting mad with myself, doubting all my past choices, pushing myself too hard.
Doubt is a good thing, too. It’s a reflection, it helps you to stay in touch with yourself and your real goals, it helps you to keep thinking whether this is really what you want.
Having tried all these options, I realized there is only one way out, and that is to do what you want to do anyway. Get up in the morning and keep taking little steps. Make it as bearable as possible when it gets rough and believe that you will eventually get where you need to be.
A friend once told me:
“When the going get’s tough, the tough get going.”
Wishing you all the best and I hope you enjoy Romania (one of my best friends is from there and I still haven’t been!)
Kate
July 16th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I tell myself that it is none of my business what other people think of me! Most of the time I actually believe it now. Thanks Chris for the great essays! Keep your chin up!
Summer Fey Foovay
July 16th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Because I have a problem with depression, there are certainly times when I want to give up.
A very wise woman once told me “When I get old, I’d rather regret the things I did, than regret the things I didn’t do.” That, and the vision of living the “average” life both work like a jolt of electricity for me. I tried that - I was miserable.
And I know that feeling that people believe your life is idyllic. I do have a good life - I work for myself, I live in a wonderful place - but I climbed a mountain of shit to get here, too. People think “working for yourself” means laying on the beach all day - ROFLMAO. Yeah, I wish. But I don’t mind working a lot - because I love what I do. So that is another thing that keeps me going - I imagine getting a “real job” - that one keeps me up at night! *shudder*
I believe that number one thing to do when you want to give up, is stop and count your blessings, however tiny and small and unimportant seeming, count every single one of them. I promise, that will get you up and moving again.
Laura
July 16th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
If I find myself getting frustrated, angry, or upset in the middle of a task, I will usually lay it aside until I calm back down. But if my problem is discouragement — Say I walked across town to the library, spent a long time there working hard, and am not looking forward to the walk back — I tell myself, “Self, what options do you have? You want to rest; but you can’t rest here. You can rest at home, and you *will* rest at home. But first you have to get there.” Then the walk turns from a long, unpleasant slog to a blip between me and my bed.
Rick
July 16th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Nice post Chris.
Feeling like giving up seems to be pretty common to most everyone. The winners take a brief rest, look back on how far they’ve come, reassess their plans, and then get back at it.
In regards to your statements about dealing with critics; the improvements I have made in my life have almost always had a genesis of criticism I’ve received from someone. I rarely feel bad about receiving criticism unless the critic has pointed out that I’ve hurt someone else. It sometimes takes a little time to evaluate whether I need to make a change or not, and then to figure out how to proceed, but essentially constructive feedback is the start of the path to improvement – for me anyway.
I can’t say for sure that you’re going to visit every country in the world… but I have a good feeling that you’ll at least get really really close.
Peace,
Rick
Stephen Hopson
July 16th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I was quite inspired by this post because it reminds me of my own journey through life with a disability (deaf). You got it down pat with the idea of keep moving; i.e. persevering. It doesn’t mean you have to bang your head against the wall, especially if something wasn’t meant to be, but at least not give up.
One thing you seemed to have mastered is the art of surrendering. You realize there a lot of things outside your control and therefore you don’t fight against the current. If you’re in a foreign country and you’re unable to get a VISA or your train is delayed or whatever, you seem to understand that it doesn’t do you any good to worry. Worry is wasted energy.
I found this to be quite inspiring - keep it up. You’re a great writer and you add an element of emotion to it without really trying. That’s talent!
Anna
July 16th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Dear Chris,
Thank you for your honesty.
I completely agree with Shayna Walker about thinking of yourself as a good example for your children. I don’t have children yet, but i belive that if i want my future children to pursue their dreams, I would not be convincing unless I do the same myself. This pushes me every day to keep improving.
Thank you Ariel for your useful advice.
When i feel like giving up I keep telling myself something i heard one successful business leader say. Lars Seier Christensen: “The world is much easier than you think.” This reminds me that the obstacles I see are largerly created by myself, and that I should just go for the action instead of thinking too much.
I once read a great book, called The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. I can recommend this book to everybody. One advice in the book is that you should embrace uncertainty. Basically it means that if something is happening without your control, welcome it to you. Don’t go for your first inclanation of resistance. Make it flow.
Best wishes for a lovely wednesday afternoon to everybody here.
Regards from Denmark,
Anna
Robyn
July 16th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Like Summer, I’ve had a lifetime challenge dealing with depression and oddly, extensive travel as a child added another layer, making me feel unequal to others in yet another new neighborhood and new school. I work every day to become the person I want to be, living the life I want to live, but admit that there are many days when I am insecure about my ability to make the right decision and whether I have the right stuff to succeed.
I get the Daily OM, I practice Chi Gong, I read blogs like this and the comments on them to get a renewed sense of purpose and strength. I know I’m not the only one struggling; not the only one to feel this way. And I hope for grace to see me through when once again I come to this place, because I know I will, and grace to accept my flaws and failures and keep going.
Nathan
July 16th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Brave article Chris. I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through this on a daily or weekly basis. I think part of the problem is that being original and daring puts you into a class of people that separates you from the norm. Most people just don’t understand and so you are almost resigned to a live of solitude. However, having a blog like you do allows you to reach out and touch the rest of us, which I would hope is mutually beneficial.
I often wonder whether I am walking the wrong path or just too stubborn to realize I’m not really being bold but ignorant. There is a large part of me though that just won’t settle for anything else. At the end of the day I try to remember that I’m simply following my heart and in the words of Maslow:
“What a man can be, he must be.”
Daniella
July 16th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you - you know how sometimes someone says something at just the right time in your life to lift you up and keep going - well, that was your post for me this morning. I started my own business a few months ago, and of course as everyone knows that has it’s ups and downs, and even though overall I love it and want to keep doing it, I’ll admit the last couple of weeks have been more down than up. So, once again, THANK YOU for sharing your vulnerability and reminding me to keep going!
Jeff
July 16th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Great piece. I experience this frequently on 4 or 5-day business trips that go from Seattle/Kuala Lampur/Singapore/Tokyo/Seattle. I find myself sitting in a hotel thinking, “what am I doing? I could be home with family right now.”
However, a recent quote from one of my highly respected peers says it best:
“Only giving up predicts the outcome.”
Carry on. Take one step after the other. Keep going. It’s never as hard as it looks when you’re done.
Cheers,
- Jeff
Kassie
July 16th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Hi, Chris.
Thank you for this post. I started my own school, and I am so blessed with many wonderful colleagues, students, and students’ parents.
This week, though, I started an entirely new type of class, using a new curriculum. A day after the first session, a colleague told me how one of the mothers who had been in the class was trash talking me and my work to the nth degree. To make things worse, this woman–both in terms of position and stature–is someone to whom people just tend to listen (to give her more authority than she is necessarily due).
When I heard this, it really made me ask why I even bother! Learning a new curriculum is not easy, and it is not something I have to be doing, but I believe it has value for those who enroll in the classes.
All that to say, your post is timely. So what do I do when loudmouthed critics attack? First and foremost, I remind myself to take deep breaths. I totally focus on complete inhalations and exhalations. Sometimes, that by itself gets me to thinking how amazing the ability to breathe is—how blessed I am just to be able to breathe! At the times when it works like this, I can even laugh, thinking, “What does the critic matter? I can breathe!!!” (I live for simple pleasures. Can you tell?)
Then, I also recall all the people who have shared with me how blessed they feel by the impact I have had on their lives because of what I am doing. That combined with all the people who have invested their energy, encouragement, and other resources into me humbles me. It makes me want to be better still, to live up to their GOOD opinions of me.
At the end of the day, does it matter what anyone else thinks of me? No, for no one else ever knows the whole story. Yet I find that focusing on the positive opinions of me that people sometimes share is incredibly motivating. (I want actually to be the amazing person they think I am!)
There are lots of other tools in my collection for when I feel like giving up, but I’ll end with this one: I end the day, get some sleep, and start anew the next day.
P.S. For the specific scenario I mentioned at the beginning, I also decided to give follow-up phone calls to others in the same class. I asked them whether the class was what they had expected, and I just invited feedback. Other people than the large-statured critic—in the very same class—have said they think it’s great. We can always find naysayers (even among the thoughts in our own heads), and it’s easy to let the negative voices be the loudest, overshadowing all else, and blinding us to the good and the beautiful. But if we choose to look past the critics, we’ll be able to see the rest of the picture—the positivity, joy, light, and beauty of life. If we just make that one decision (to quell the negative voices without and within), usually the rest will take care of itself.
Roy
July 16th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Hey Chris,
A very thought provoking article! I am now in the Autumn of my life,with having to move to a new country 6yrs ago from Zimbabwe where we virtually ‘lost everything’, looking for & finding a new job, new friends, adapting to a completely new enviroment, etc.
Many a time did that feeling of’ ‘giving up, this is so difficult, why am I here’, pass through my mind! What gets me through is the upbringing I had whilst growing up & the really strong family support that I presently have & enjoy. As they say, ” There ain’t nothing like the ties that bind!!’
Rick
July 16th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Hey Chris,
If nothing else, based on the comments to this post, you have assembled an audience that has to be among the smartest and most thoughtful in the blogosphere.
Even the folks that claim some serious problems seem to have it more together than most of the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis.
Peace, Rick
Stella Devine
July 17th, 2008 at 4:33 am
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Rinse. Repeat.
Valeria Maltoni
July 17th, 2008 at 6:02 am
Two things I learned to do:
(1) if what you are doing is not working, do it in some other way; a path is sometimes non linear and when a door shuts, a window opens somewhere else;
(2) ask for help. I know this should be obvious, but being world conquerers and leaders is a fairly lonely work at times - nobody feels exactly how you feel.
Keep up the good work, Chris, and let me know how I can ever be of service.
Nicholas Grobler
July 17th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Chris
All the time. I feel like there must be a bush out there somewhere in the wildest of wild country that would absolutely LOVE my conversation, and I feel drawn to this bush ever so often, more in the past weeks than usual.
It boils down to number one of your two most important questions, “What would I love to do?” and sadly I have an extremely hard time answering this question, even after all my varied traveling and learning and amazing mentors.
It sometimes feels like there is a big black hole in the middle of my energy core and it just keeps on sucking. I remain desperately searching for the source of this black hole and trying to remove it completely, cause plugging it wont help.
Giving up almost sounds better than slogging on.
Janice Cartier
July 17th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Chris,
Hugs. Jan
Sometimes hard is hard. It just is. Embrace that. Let it be and look around for a part of it that is also an opportunity. Admitting weakness is a strength. You’ll find a lot of your humanity right there. What, you thought you could change the world without change happening to you?
Cheryl
July 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Hi Chris,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don’t know why but it is always encouraging to hear from people who are doing amazing things that even they have those moments where they are a little less than fully motivated or inspired. What’s more important is that I see that you feel this way on occasion, but you go on pursuing your journey anyway. It’s a great reminder for me to do the same. I, too, suffer from insecurity, more than other things, and I unfortunately allow that insecurity to get in my way sometimes. I read somewhere recently that sometimes you have to get out of your own way in order to get to where you’re going (it may have been you, but I just can’t recall right at this moment). I guess this is just another one of those ways in which that statement applies.
One thing in particular helps inspire me when I’m ready to give in. I think about the younger people in my family (my son, niece, etc.) try to keep in mind what kind of example it is that I want to set for them. It usually inspires me to make a better decision and keep moving forward. Another thing that helps is reading about others who are working toward their goals and trying to make a difference in this world. Such as you, even if it is 3am and you’re on a train with the light in your eyes
Chris
July 17th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Hey Chris,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
The only thing to remind yourself is that regular people give up all the time.
When they face a challenge they would usually stop.
So never give up…follow your path!
John Rocheleau - Zen-Moments
July 17th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
When you live an unusual life, you don’t have that unspoken chorus of agreement from society to empower you. You are more alone than most of your friends, even if you have a bunch of them.
But if you stick it out, and try to learn as best you can about what you do, and who you are — you become an individual and you grow strong. It is not always a pleasant experience, but it is always rewarding.
A day at a time gets me through, and keeps me grounded in the moment.
regiaart
July 17th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Hi Chris, everybody wants to know about you right now, and hope you’re OK.
I gave up a lot of things years ago to follow my dreams. I came to New York as a single mother of 2 small kids to live my life as an artist. I had lot of ups and downs. I can not come back, my dreams and me are only one entity. Go ahead!
Esteban Kolskyg
July 17th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I have a career, a wife, two kids, a house, two cars and the two families (mine and my in-laws) who seem to believe that the way you solve problems is by telling me. I run, not 100 milers but long distances like marathons and little more, swim, for fun mostly, and am trying to get into triathlons.
Trust me, there was more than one time that I decided to give up. It would so much easier… yet, I always go back to the same old thought: I won’t let the bastards win.
Who are them? Don’t know… but they won’t win. I am too good at everything I do to let someone else win. If I lose, who will pick up the torch and complete the journey? no one else.
No, I won’t let the bastards win.
Chris
July 17th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
@Regiaart,
I’m doing great, thanks for asking! Honestly, I’m just so amazed at what all of you have to say that I really have nothing to add. It is all very motivating and encouraging.
Keep the faith, everyone.
Jonathan
July 17th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Chris,
I have been feeling the same way lately. I have been questioning what I am doing. I know this sounds bad but, it is good to be reminded that we all go through these times, and we just have to keep going.
Very encouraging post. Safe travels!
Seb
July 18th, 2008 at 12:44 am
I often find myself thinking “why bother??! its just too hard”
It’s at times like these that i find i need to look to some reason to keep going (hmmm that shiney new model plane’s looking very nice at the moment
I find as long as i have a reason, no matter how silly it might seem to others (when i finish building this wall i get a pack of Doritos!) yes even that silly, it helps me to keep going through the hard bits… and there are lots of those.
Jen Vondenbrink
July 18th, 2008 at 7:09 am
When things get tough, I go to visualization. I try to use this before things get tough, but sometimes things sneak up on you.
When I visualize, I think of all the good things that happen through the journey. As I go through the journey, I am more aware of the little things. The things that pick you up like a hug from a friend or a smile from a stranger. When I don’t visualize, I find myself listening to the negative self talk in my head. I miss so much then.
Mid-a-ged
July 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Late to the thread. But here anyway! Thank you for your work. I was recently introduced to your blog & I have enjoyed it and your commenters very much. But I must say, the whole approach to quitting is bit disturbing. It is totally ok to want to quit. It is even totally okay to quit. The motivation for sticking with something can be just as “bad” as the motivation to quit. You gotta fall in love with the process. Goals are, and have always been, overrated in my opinion. Beliefs about why you do something, goals you must achieve (even as noble as saving the world) and the “pay-off” are nothing more than concepts that distract one from the real thing: this instant. Really, self-identifying as a non-conformist can be just as big of a burden as any other deeply held identity. That is not to say that “being” a non-conformist is a burden. But “trying to be” or “working to be” a non-conformist, well that is a different story.
Thanks again and I look forward to your insights.
Trackback from (Anti) Social Development
July 20th, 2008 at 10:43 am
[...] Ever Feel Like Giving Up - all the time Chris, all the time. Chris Guillebeau discusses how traveling can frequently be lonely and confusing. The articles easily translates to your own life experience. [...]
Cath Lawson
July 20th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Hi Chris - This is a brilliant mantra. Whenever I’m feeling that way - I remind myself of the worst job I have ever had and suddenly things don’t seem so bad.
Sabina
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Chris, thank you for this post!
What a “coincidence” that I run on this post. Lately I have been thinking on giving up very often. I question the project I’m working on - is it only my ego-trip. I’m I doing it only because I want to proof myself that I’m able achieving it.
Is it only my illusion and thus not worth my time and effort? Am I following my soul’s true path and I’m not strong enough to overcome the obstacles?
But as I see everyone has obstacles on his path, no matter which path he chooses to take. Maybe the alternative path seems easier at first sight, but sooner the later a blind corner will appear.
Is giving up and choosing an alternative “easier” path really the best solution? When do you know it is time to quit because the path you have taken is leading you in wrong direction or is unsatisfying?
I wish I would have an answers. Till then I’ll continue and hope for the best.
Trackback from Polymath Programmer
July 24th, 2008 at 2:02 am
[...] it’s been a long lonely journey sometimes… Which is why this came in at the right time [...]
Thomas Reposa (Unemployed bum)
July 30th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Not sure what I do to keep through the day to be honest. I sit back and try to forget that I am stuck in my parents house, 23, with no direction or will to find something more meaningful. When I feel that kind of creeping dread, where you know you should be doing something to stop this feeling, I turn on my game console and pretend im something else. People tell me to go get a job, to do something with my life, that I need to get something going. I wish it was as easy as it sounds. Finding even a junk pissant job is hard enough, but when you have no drive to move forward, its not as easy as everyone expects you to believe it to be. Deep down, I want to move forward, but my body denies it from leting it happen. My parents don’t really understand it, Hell, I dont even understand it. Is it something beyond lazy? Or am I just that? Lazy? You seem to have a nice pace going in your life though, I am just curious to know how you do it.
Sabina
July 31st, 2008 at 12:25 am
Thomas, I can absolutely understand you because I have gone trough the same as you. Not only once. Don’t give up.
I advice you to read books from people who made it (bot not the one that are supper achievers now), join some support group, find people/friends that are good listeners, start doing some sport.
You have to “pump up” the positive volume in your mind and the body will follow. You are what you think you are. And don’t think this is some kind of spiritual nonsense.
The body will do what the mind will tell it. So keep working on your mind. It’s like training for some sport achievement.
Hannah
July 31st, 2008 at 12:58 am
Hey Thomas!
What you need is little baby steps to get out of the situation.
I know, because I fell into a spell of inertia during the past six months. It’s a downward spiral - once you have had a couple of unproductive days, you get mad with yourself, because of which
The only way out is being really nice to yourself.
Set mini goals. Such as - just getting out of the house today, or doing one little thing to help out your parents, or something else YOU would like to do. Do little little things, and you will see that things will move away from inertia must faster than you expect.
Deborah
August 1st, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Someone just commented on my blog today that she’d probably give up if she’d lost as many animals to coyotes as I have. (We lost 8 of the 10 lambs we had last year, and we lost two ewes in the last couple weeks, as well as chickens and ducks.) Like you, I’ve chosen to live an unconventional life, and sometimes it sucks. Still, I wouldn’t trade it for anything! Most of the time I get to have wonderful experiences that most people only read about or see in movies.
Trackback from Our Best Version
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
[...] Many of us are uncomfortable being dubbed as gurus, masters. We’re regular people, with regular scars and warts, all just walking down the same road. But what we have to offer to the world is our sharing of what we learn — and that learning is most intense when and where we fall, get hurt. And that’s precisely what we need to show to the world. Chris Guillebeau’s recent post on his moment of weakness is a great example of this. [...]
Jess
September 4th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I was feeling absurdly out of sorts today, way regretful about my life’s course, etc. and knew the only way to bring me back to my inspired high was to read a few blogs of yours.
Thanks for being honest about insecurities and struggles and loneliness. Sometimes it feels like, to admit we’re still (*gasp*) humans, and that we get tired and lonely, makes us less “attractive” to others. It really makes us more genuine, I think.
When the world and my decisions crash down on me, when I’m too tired to sleep, when I’m immobilized by anxiety, I repeat in my head (or out loud; whatever the situation allows) “I’m still me. I’m still ME. This is not permanent. I’m alive and it will be alright. Be aware of this moment, right now, and know that it will wash over eventually.”
Or I get slightly pissed at myself and say, “well, get OVER it already!”
Thanks again for being a real person.
Bessie
September 26th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
like others, I’ve been feeling down about traveling lately, and your suggestions help. 8 months into a who knows how long journey, and I totally relate to your thoughts, of, ’so many would love to be doing this so how can i dare feel down about it’. Truth is it happens though, and it helps to know I’m not the only travel lover building calluses to the wonderful experiences.
Nice running analogy by the way, as a fellow runner, although definitely not 50ks, it’s a helpful reference.