A long time ago, I sent a thick packet of information to Yale, explaining in considerable detail how awesome I was and why they should accept the honor of my giving them tens of thousands of dollars a year.
They sent me back a short, polite letter, saying that while they were happy to accept my initial contribution of $75, they had plenty of other applicants, even more qualified and more awesome than me, all willing to pony up the tens of thousands of dollars for the next few years.
Regretfully, I was informed, the $75 was all I’d be able to pay them. “We wish you well in your future endeavors” was how they ended their brief reply, and they didn’t even follow me on any online social networks.
Every year, a large number of young people go through the same ritual—hours upon hours spent explaining why they deserve the privilege of becoming indebted to a system that probably won’t train them for a job. For many (not all, but many), the main benefit of graduate school, or even college or university in general, is a form of life avoidance: I’m not sure this is what I want, but at least I won’t have to think about it for a while.
When my first book came out, I finally made it to New Haven. I wandered the campus before speaking that night, drinking coffee at a student hangout and remembering all the time, money, and stress I had invested in the unsuccessful application. A couple days after New Haven I was in Cambridge, Massachusetts and saw signs advertising my appearance at the Harvard Coop. Back in the day, Harvard had also sent me a polite letter saying I wasn’t good enough for them.
Thinking about it on the road, I enjoyed the irony: I never made it to their graduate programs, but now I was speaking at their bookstores and campuses, my name on posters around the city.
***
It took me a long time to get away from validating my life according to something that didn’t relate to my true hopes and goals. At the time, I really did want to devote years of my life doing things that no one would notice, in hopes of obtaining letters behind my name that no one would care about. As ridiculous as I knew it was, I still wanted it! It was hard to let go of… until I finally did.
Part of it was the attachment to something of questionable value (a degree, useless letters), but I was also attracted to the linear nature of academia. I wanted to do something interesting and meaningful, and I saw a clear, if not entirely sensible path. Never mind that the end was muddled; at least I had a certain next step. Pay a certain amount of money, write a certain number and type of essays, complete such-and-such requirements, meet with various advisors, and so on. All fairly straightforward.
But when you venture out on your own, the next step is often unclear. You don’t necessarily know what to do at any given time, which is why having a specific direction is a superpower. There is no degree or graduation waiting for you at the end, and you have to determine your own milestones.
Graduates sometimes experience anxiety and uncertainty. What happens now? they wonder, confronted with the loss of routine and clear deliverables. On a path of independence, you get all these feelings in the beginning, with no one assigning you papers to write or exams to sit.
Having to be responsible, to make decisions about your life, to find something that fulfills you and matters to the world can be a scary thing. It certainly was for me, which is why I felt comforted by the thought of turning my decisions over to someone else.
Fortunately, I didn’t get what I thought I wanted. I paid the application fees, wrote the applications, and pestered people for recommendation letters all to learn that I would probably be better-suited somewhere outside towers of ivory.
Years later, I write these notes while sitting in a hotel lobby in Tajikistan, a place I had never heard of back then. I fly around the world and work on projects I find meaningful. I have no qualifications to do much of anything, yet for the most part I do whatever I want.
I realize now it wasn’t so much the acceptance or rejection of academia, an institution that may very well serve other people’s needs more than mine. It was the rejection of defining myself according to exterior standards, a system that was rigged to reward conformity by design.
Yep, I’m glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted back then.
###
Image: MC
January 19, 2012
Cheryl Thompson
This is for Sarah whose graduate school program starts in 3 weeks. Do something. It doesn’t have to be school. The more experiences you have (whether in jobs, volunteer work, church, friendships) the closer you’ll come to finding your bliss.
I’m a writer who didn’t start writing until I was 32. When I graduated from Business School, I could barely write a memo and that is a true statement. The first 13 years of my career I had 13 jobs. Every single one was valuable. Then, at the age of 32, I had 3 small babies who really needed a Mother and not a part-time lady who dropped into the house every evening. I started my own consulting business and have spent the last 18 years in total freedom. That doesn’t mean I have had failures and BIG ones. But I totally and purposefully know what it is I am MEANT to do. I am meant to speak, write, create, encourage and bring joy.
You find your mission by navigating through life, not through grad school. Get excited…life is an incredible teacher.
January 19, 2012
Katie McCaskey
Believe me, you don’t want the student loans, anyway!
I’m working to release the guilt I have associated with a bulls*t degree. Yes, it bought me time. But, like you, I’ve discovered that a masters degree has nothing to do with getting a life.
January 19, 2012
semccoy
As a veteran of two masters degree programs and a number of adventures around the world, I understand your point. You are correct when you state that it is not the degree that gives you credibility, anyone can earn a degree without learning anything. The journey, literally and figuratively, gives each of us the time to acquire both the skills and the ability to effectively apply them in an effective manner.
January 19, 2012
Heidi
When I think about my recent graduate experience (which I was fortunate to not have to pay for), the part I enjoyed and learned the most from was my interaction with other students. I wonder if I would have been disappointed or had a changed opinion if I had paid for it myself. That being said, it will be interesting to see what happens in the future to our education system. I think more and more people of all ages are becoming disillusioned by the ‘systems’ method, from education to the corporate world. It takes creativity and innovation to do something different and still be successful. You are definitely an inspiration to do what you want and not what you ‘should.’
PS: Has anybody started watching Morgan Spurlock’s ‘Failure Club’? It runs online and goes along the lines of this post in that people are finally doing what they want after YEARS of not doing it. Have a look!
January 19, 2012
Dan Holterhaus
I can definitely relate with the anxiety and frustration after college and having no clear objective ahead makes it difficult on some. I almost submitted my application for graduate school just to have something I was doing, but am now very glad that I didn’t. Thanks for the post.
January 19, 2012
AlexBerger
Love it. Had a similar experience while applying to a hybrid MA program at the London School of Economics/USC. I had just finished my second guest lecture on the material the MA covered at one of the most well respected Journalism schools in the country. Two days later I got the rejection letter. It was at that point that I was able to see it in proper context. I’d been rejected from a program I was applying to, that I likely could have been teaching. There’s definitely great value to the experience and I have gone back and pursued my MA – but the approach I’ve taken is one that puts a much heavier emphasis on keeping everything in context and my motivations are definitely vastly different than when I first applied.
January 19, 2012
Rebecca
This is so insightful and incredibly well timed. I’m a 22 year old college student that has had to take 2 semesters off over the course of my education due to illnesses. This most recent (and still current) medical leave is due to a chronic illness that affects me cognitively and physically. As school grows farther away it leaves me wondering the ever haunting questions of “what now? What do I do with my life? What do I do with myself?” I really appreciate this article, because right now, I do need to let go of letters and a piece of paper and focus on my health before anything else can be done. And your article showed me and reminded me that, it is indeed a piece of paper with a stamp on it. Thank you.
January 19, 2012
Jen
I love this post, Chris. I personally can relate much to it. It is an amazing feeling when one starts discovering their life isn’t defined by that of academia.
January 19, 2012
Billy
I once told an angel investor how important the MBA was, he politely smiled. Two years later we met again and I apologized and told him how I dropped out when I realized the professor could not apply what he was “teaching” in the real world that I worked in.
January 19, 2012
Dav Murray
Great article! And one increasingly being ‘heard’ by me. As a non-traditional student, it had always been a dream to attend college. I have, and some enough will have two degrees ( History and Fine Art – Studio) at the AA level. While, I don’t regret the experience. However – I am finding the college thing does leave much to be deserved. Frankly, little people using students as things to move about for their purposes. Classes, and assignments that, at best, serve little but rather mindless ends. As a artist, I have sold outside of my country. Not even the professors here have done yet, but I am told to do such-and-such because “I said so.” And so and so….
Frankly it seems better to listen to myself, and live a life that is real – and my own. I like reading this one very much!
January 19, 2012
Dayna
(first time commenter, long time reader! Love your blog and your books!)
I agree with your post, but I think that when reading the post one should be clear of your point. From what I understood, your point was this: do not define yourself by rules created by other people. Don’t depend on a fake structure to live your life.
That being said, although this was true for you about grad school, I think a grad school can be fabulous if you love what you do, you are doing it for yourself, and you are trying to do it by your own rules. Also, although I agree that it is just a waste of yourself and your life to just go to graduate school just because you do not know what you want to do with your life, I found undergraduate school a great place to wander and be lost. I came out with a degree and a clearer idea than ever about what I wanted to do with my life. I also was able to meet so many people who had the same interests as me, and learn from them. Yes, it is a cop-out just to go to school to fill time, but sometimes you must just do and try. And for me, and I’m sure many others, that is what an undergraduate degree is about.
Also, although school is definitely not for everyone, I think that, to better oneself, one always should keep learning and teaching. Really, everyone loves learning (can you imagine a child that doesn’t love to learn about the world?), but I think that sometimes school systems or teachers or peers ruin a the learning experience. This doesn’t mean we should give up on learning! It just means that we should each pursue learning in a way that is conducive to us and our lives; reading tons of books from the library or listening to TED lectures or to doing apprenticeships or traveling the world.
I am so happy that you found adventure and your life’s self-direction. I find it makes me feel like I almost have permission? to find my own weird life and create the regularity and chaos that I need in my life. Thanks Chris.
January 19, 2012
Andrew Caldwell
I’d agree that it’s a form of life avoidance, but it also gives you a chance to ‘grow up’ outside the confines of High School.
It’s a bit different in Australia as our fees are as ridiculous, but most of the people I know who didn’t pursue tertiary study got engulfed in life a bit too quickly, sort of hit 35 before they hit 25 if you know what I mean?
Still, enjoyed the irony of the universities welcoming you back!
January 19, 2012
Abigail Rogers
This is absolutely amazing. It encourages me on my own “nonconformist” educational track. Why do we feel compelled to do what everybody else does?
I love how you talk about the “privilege” of paying a university money. They do sometimes treat you like they’re doing you a favor by giving you something in return for your cash.
January 19, 2012
Brianna
Thanks for posting this, Chris. I have two degrees, neither of which I’m using. Do I regret getting them? Absolutely not. The experiences I had in college shaped who I am today. I’m quickly learning that there is plenty I can do and teach myself without getting further formal education. That’s not to say I wouldn’t if the opportunity to do came up for me, though.
January 19, 2012
Paula Christen
“Be very careful what you wish for because you just might get it”. Some things in life I wanted SO badly never materialized and the absence was filled with something far better. I just couldn’t see it at that moment.
Believe in yourself. We can all take more than just one path to get to where we want to be.
January 19, 2012
Brett Holt
Graduate school is a way to avoid life? I guess I’m associating with a bunch of awesome people who have graduate degrees and just knew what they wanted in life and did so at their own design. I know people who got Bachelors degrees to avoid life, but not graduate degrees. Graduate school is meant for people who are focused and know what they want. Perhaps Chris, Harvard and Yale really did understand you and knew better to take you because you weren’t focused. Oh I’m sure I’ll take heat but that’s okay.
When you say, “…a system that was rigged to reward conformity by design,” this could be said for any system/institution. I think it’s a matter of perspective and how comfortable people are with themselves to create their design, even with the “system”. And that’s okay. You can still find your niche and go on to be awesome!
I think that main point of this essay should be to try different paths such as school or traveling or touring with a band. It may cost you in terms of finances or time but, in the end, that is okay too. I’ve tried many paths in life (wildland firefighter, hotel management, drummer, community planner, and more) and they were all benefit to my life today.
January 19, 2012
Maureen
I’m happy for you, Chris, that this worked out for you. From reading your work over the last couple years, it’s these schools’ loss that you were not accepted. You are the type of person, self motivated and interested, that it seems to be would do well with or without the university education.
I still see value in higher education, though, and corporations value it, too.
I did a 2 year software programming diploma 20 years ago, graduated and started making $80 K / year. 15 years later graduated with an Business Degree completed online and found employers valued my 2 year diploma + experience A LOT more than the undergrad degree.
January 19, 2012
Kirsten
Seems I am on my own in my negative response to your post. I usually love what you share, but this one is not landing with me. As a college professor, I think one of the biggest problems facing education today is this erroneous assumption that a college degree equals a job. No. Getting a college education is about bettering yourself in a particular way using a particular path. There are many paths to a successful and educated life. Academia just wasn’t your path– but to belittle the hard work, sacrifice, dedication and focus of those who choose the path isn’t right. I care about those letters after my name– they represent years of my life focused on becoming an expert at something I love, just as you have done with your website and book. My students work hard and sacrifice a lot, and it’s not about a job, but becoming better at something they love. Again, many ways to get that same training and knowledge–every person should be respected and applauded when he or she takes any step toward a dream.
January 19, 2012
Dwayne Thompson
I get inspired to think outside of the box upon reading your post. My first encounters with your writings was a new student of Internet Marketing at a popular online school. I have had an awakening for lack of another word in that one year span. This post seal the deal, and confirms the revelation. We can’t change the pass, but we can do anything with the future. Educations real value is the feeding of passion, harvest of knowledge, and cultivation with the hope it inspires others. Thank you for being that inspiration.
January 20, 2012
Mark
Love the post. It’s just where I am right at the moment, I’ve just made the leap. Give up the PhD, for freedom? No contest really.
January 20, 2012
Nikolaus
hey chris,
I like the ideas of your book, you said, “instead of paying a lot of money to an institution that doesn’t even properly train you, simply do your personal learning”, with all the examples you’d listed there (i liked the wikipedia random page and learning a language and travelling and so forth).
now, in europe, where i come from, things are way better (at least concerning higher education). i studied medicine in germany, which was for free. the 500 dollar biannual fee didn’t hurt me, because as a child of a numerous family i was liberated. but can you imagine… in austria and germany, when they implemented the fee, the students went mad and started protesting, demonstrating and even locking themselves in… in germany, after some years of struggle, they are abolishing it again, and for most parts of the conutry, university studies are going to be entirely for free again.
our system is very different – it is about young people growing up basically. living in a shared appartment, having some kind of job, studying sometimes, doing arts or sports other times and visting a party or two – all of this for free. just wanted to share a europeans perspective.
January 20, 2012
Victoria
That is a wonderful post, Chris, and it reminded me of my step-father’s story. As a young man he was accepted to Harvard university and he went off to the Wicked East to pursue his studies.
He dropped out after less than 2 years. He told me once he was in very good company because Bill Gates dropped out too at about the same time. My step-father went on to do everything he ever wanted to do. He passed the state exams and became a Professional Engineer (all without a degree) and he joined up with another engineer to start a business which is still going strong after 30+ years. He never got rich but he loves what he does. Today he is an expert in his field and travels all over the world and ends up in some of the strangest places. He’s over 70 now and he is and always will be one of my heroes.
January 20, 2012
Tom
What you’ve written is almost undoubtedly true for vast number of undergraduates.
But it does depend on how you see it. Whilst studying for a degree, I knew that I didn’t really care about it. I knew it wouldn’t lead to the career of my dreams. So I used the three years of freedom to experiment. I had just become an adult. I used the time to find my limits and passions, in all manner of very foolish ways.
I now have no set career, no barriers, no commitments, no institutional lock-in. I’m making a living doing exactly what I want to be doing. I can’t say university helped me get here, but neither can I say it prevented me.
Would I go back to university? Possibly. I can think of several good reasons. I might have a creative passion that would be better nurtured amongst others who are better at it than me, or think about the same thing differently. A post-graduate course, in which the value is in the learning process rather than the certificate, might well be a way to learn more than I could just by having conversations with myself. It depends how you look at it.
January 20, 2012
Jaton West
Country music has a song for virtually every situation a human can encounter. In this case, it’s ‘Thank God for unanswered prayers.’
January 20, 2012
Nick
It boils down to having the initiative create your own destiny and create your own future in direct opposition to following the crowds through the pillars of academia. Don’t be lazy just getting a degree.. Great insight in this article!
January 20, 2012
connie barrett
Your posts are always thought provoking Chris. In my long life, I’ve met many fascinating non-conformists who were from all career paths although very few were self employed and even fewer would have defined themselves as business people. I’ve been getting the creepy feeling that you equate self employed business people with nonconformty. Please say it isn’t so. Emerson and Thoreau would strongly disagree!
January 20, 2012
Denise
As always, your timing is uncanny.
January 20, 2012
Julie Bruening
Sharing this with my angst-riddled teenage son, who is up to his neck in the college application process. Not mentioned in your article is all the judgement passed on kids at this stage in life, and the uncertainty – will you pass high school, will you get into college, will you be allowed to take the car, will you be able to make new friends if you go away. No wonder they act the way they do. Thanks as always for a great article.
January 20, 2012
Patricia GW
I did the same thing with a thick application to Harvard. I’m in my senior year of college now, and I’ve worked my ass off to pay for tuition up front. I have no support and make payments on my own. I know people graduating now from U of M who are 35-40K in debt and without a job. When I graduate, I’ll be debt-free and in control of my own life. It’s the most liberating feeling, to make your own way.
January 20, 2012
Patricia GW
That is to say, I went to a local university instead and not Harvard.
January 20, 2012
Nancy Carrozza CaraDonna
I didn’t get into Yale graduate school. I made it to the final all-important short-list and choked at the interview. They told me that I wasn’t made of the ‘right stuff’. The omnipotent rarified committee gave me the big ‘you’re not good enough’ and that tore me up for awhile. It’s people like Chris who have helped me learn otherwise…that ‘the committee’ doesn’t get to tell you who you are…
January 20, 2012
Nicole
This is a great, inspirational post. Lately I have been struggling with trying not to want things that I know in my heart I don’t want. Not too long ago I knew that owning a home was not something that I dreamed of, however in the past few months, 4 of my close friends have bought homes and suddenly I am questioning myself. Am I behind? Do my kids deserve the norm of living in a home with their own rooms? What have I done wrong, that I am not in the same place as my peers? This post helped remind me that just because I am not doing what is considered normal does not mean that I am failing. Thank you.
January 20, 2012
Ron T
Interesting view in your post, as well as in the plethora of comments. College is for learning to think, not for job preparation. While I agree with your comments generally, I must say I got considerable $$-value out of my graduate degree. Here’s how:
My BS was in a Social Science and my Master’s was in Public Administration. (Neither having much to do with anything specifically.) Although I had a great, prestigious job, I decided to start a business — Taxation and Accounting (all learned on-my-own well after all college).
One day, perusing legal anomalies, I came across a ‘grandfathering’ provision in a state legislature. Upon an immediate application (the application period was very short) I was fortunate to be evaluated and granted a professional accounting certificate (Bill Clinton wasn’t the only beneficiary of Arkansas).
When clients would come into my office they gave notice to an advanced degree and a state certificate as a public accountant on my wall. Not realizing their relevance, they were always impressed. Because of these ‘certificates’ they readily agreed to my substantial fees! This served me well for many years until I sold the business.
January 20, 2012
Kitty Wooley
Chris, I’m quoting from your post – this is one of the most honest, well said statements I’ve read in years. It’s exactly where I’ve gone and am advising others who solicit my advice to go:
“It took me a long time to get away from validating my life according to something that didn’t relate to my true hopes and goals. At the time, I really did want to devote years of my life doing things that no one would notice, in hopes of obtaining letters behind my name that no one would care about. As ridiculous as I knew it was, I still wanted it! It was hard to let go of… until I finally did.”
The problem some of my peers are having is that they’re on a leadership development path, yet they can’t seem to find their inner passion. Although they’re getting notches in their belts that may lead them to the goal they’ve adopted (to be executives), they’re allowing themselves to be warped out of their true shapes during the process. To me, the lack of passion is a clue that they’ve lost touch with their true hopes and goals. So, over coffee, I ask what they really want. Sometimes the dialogue helps them figure it out. Thanks so much; I’ll start pointing people to this post.
January 20, 2012
Jude
This is so relevant to what I`ve read and considered regarding life decisions: “Bloom wherever you`re planted”. Might be one is embedded firmly. Could also be uprooted by some circumstance. Nonetheless, the choice is still there: what is the next step to take.
January 20, 2012
Bob
Funny I know people who avoid life through travel. Perpetual backpackers. They avoid coming home because on the road they are equal – someone with a silly tale – and at home they are pretty well unemployable, broke and homeless. Compare that to someone who has spent a decade building a life for themselves. I went to university sure, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t be paid what I am now. I loved my time there. Plus I used some of the skills when I lived overseas for 12 months.
January 21, 2012
Cyn
I loved this post. I am a homeschooling mom whose high-school junior is deciding “what’s next”. I see that education doesn’t “make” a life, but you do need basic sets of skills to thrive. My son might not be accepted to a great school, but I see he’s qualified to do a great number of things. In fact, he’s one of your readers and is embarking on building a small business. Maybe, being qualified to “live well” is what really matters, and the rest is a personal matter.
January 21, 2012
Gale Thompson
You have so aptly described the central quandry of my whole life, in academia and out. (And I have been in, out, on–like a drug– and around academia since 1977) I want to contribute by counseling high school students about college but am on the fence to really recommend it even though getting a liberal arts education was the best thing I ever did.
January 22, 2012
Allie Lathrop
Great post- so many people will need its message. A year and a half ago, I really could have used it.
I have been a reader of yours for a while now, but never a commenter or contributor. “The Art of Non-Conformity” paperback was just recently put on shelf in a very random little shop in Albany NY. When I came upon it, I was surprised & thrilled, informed the store owner of this, and walked away with it hoping to send comments or questions to you/ other readers instead of remaining in the background.
January 22, 2012
Sandra
I really resonate with the idea of withdrawing from time to time and asking, “What’s the next step.” So glad you linked to that article. And so glad you went beyond academia!
January 22, 2012
Shawn Tuttle
In the 15 years since my grad school rejection letter (hallelujah!), I’ve come to see that the traditional career path has all but vanished and yet our educational system doesn’t seem to have a clue as to how to adapt to that.
While I don’t think higher education is obsolete, I do believe that what’s missing is the teaching of better internal guidance tools to help someone understand whether the path of civil engineer or pediatrician is, in fact, a wise choice for them.
January 23, 2012
Oscar
Yeah, but don’t demonize or minimize higher education too much. Learning is an important form of enrichment and research still shows that people with a college education earn more money, live longer, are more likely to both get and stay married.
You need a degree to work in engineering and the sciences. Sadly,the US is falling far behind other industrialized nations in graduating mathematicians, engineers, and scientists. Exotic travel is awesome, but no one is going to discover the cure for cancer from a hammock. It’s all about balance.
January 23, 2012
Matthew Setter
Why oh why didn’t I read this years ago! Ok, so it wasn’t written years ago and would I have missed the point if I had – maybe. But after investigating the questions of “what is it that really inspires me” and “what is it that I’m passionate about doing”, I feel that I’m heading much closer to the direction that I should be.
Whereas before, when I always took the safe option, do the right thing, get a job because you should, it always felt like a cop-out quite honestly. Do this, do that, be nice, play by our rules and we’ll give you this paycheck that you can, potentially, negotiate a bit once a year. Also, that’s just the way it is buddy and everybody else accepts it.
But then I find people like you who inspire me again that it doesn’t have to be that way and I don’t have to accept that way of life. I’m not there yet, but getting closer and still bloody passionate about getting it.
January 23, 2012
Diane Overcash
Good on you. Great post, Chris. A few years (10, wow has it been that long?) I was accepted into Savanna College of Art and Design to get get my masters degree. I looked at the amount of debt I would be in and decided that what I really wanted to do was paint. So, I opened a gallery and painted.
Bottom line, the art of living your life is to decide what you want and start. Do something about it, assess, and then do something else about it. There are no guarantees about anything, ever. I think there is a whole movement out there about self-education. Just go find out about whatever it is you want to learn.
January 23, 2012
richard
It is great that you discovered, for a small price, what many people are discovering with a pile of student loans. You found that self esteem comes from within not from the dictates of the world around us. It is also exciting that, as a member of the media was complaining today, more people are discovering this truth and are making their mark in this world. Viva la difference!
January 25, 2012
Jill
Loved your last sentence in the article. A phrase I have learned from a friend, “A ‘no’ is sometimes better than a ‘yes’.”
January 25, 2012
Lea
still thinking about this article (read it a few days ago). i used to be in the habit of forcing my way through the world. sometimes i did end up where i intended and it was not the great experience i had hoped for (film school in guadalajara). that’s another sort of lesson. but i also had an academic rejection experience and this came up in conversation last night.
many years ago, i applied for an MFA in poetry at naropa in boulder, colorado. the school was co-founded by allen ginsberg and trungpa rinpoche – a super alternative education right up my alley. i was so well-versed in poetry and the beat generation in particular that i knew that the school had mistakenly given ginsberg credit for a line of verse written by kerouac. (really, ginsberg just added a comma to the verse as a joke.)
i was shocked when i wasn’t accepted into the program. my ego prevented me from investigating the matter, but i found out later that my application wasn’t complete as i hadn’t included my transcripts from a semester of undergraduate study in australia.
rather than persist in applying to naropa, i ended up trying to get an alternative education out of a traditional school and that was a bit painful. i regretted this for a long time. but i have since considered that with the exception of ginsberg all of those beat poets ended up dying in a gutter so they really hadn’t figured out anything important after all. and what is the use of a degree in poetry anyway?
i’m glad that you had the opportunity to speak at the universities that rejected you as a student. how satisfying!
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