An unexpected thing happened on the streets of Seoul, Korea.
I’ve been to Seoul several times, and don’t really feel anything special about it. It’s not a bad place in any way, and perhaps I’d like it more if I spent more time there. I just don’t think of Seoul in a special way, as I do with other Asian cities like Hong Kong, Singapore, and Bangkok.
That’s why the thing was so unexpected. All of a sudden while riding along in the interminable airport shuttle (the main airport is more than an hour from the city), I began to feel sad. I looked around and realized that even though I didn’t love Seoul itself, in the near future I would greatly miss this experience.
For more than ten years, I’ve been actively traveling in all parts of the world. For the past four years, travel has been a near-obsession. I’ve been in at least 20 countries every year, often more like thirty-five when you consider all the transits and stopovers.
There hasn’t been any time when I haven’t been planning at least one big trip. I’ve had multiple, ten-segment itineraries open at any given time. I’ve spent thousands of dollars in processing fees and FedEx charges sending my passports back and forth from D.C. and various embassies, often receiving them back the day of my departure before rushing out to the airport.
And on this trip, I realized for the very first time… that one day, before too long, it will be coming to an end.
168 countries down, only 25 to go.
I remember my visit to Sri Lanka, country #100, so clearly. I was jetlagged and made the mistake of taking a nap at 4pm. Waking up before midnight, I spent the rest of the night writing the original Working for Yourself guide and walking on the beach outside my hotel.
It feels so recent, but that visit was actually sixty-eight countries ago. Life has been flying by so quickly.
***
The quest to visit every country was always personal—I knew I’d do it even if no one cared or noticed. But when I started writing about big adventures (and YOU started reading), things changed a lot, mostly for the better.
At almost every book tour stop, meetup, or speaking gig over the past year, someone asked the question: “What will you do after you finish seeing the world?” Other people would nod, as if they were wondering too.
After a few false starts, I developed a good answer: “Well, I have no plans to stop traveling. I’d like to go back and revisit some of the places I especially liked.”
I also said that travel is only one part of what I do. I write books, start businesses, host the World Domination Summit and other events, and… a lot more. None of those things are coming to an end anytime soon.
These answers—I’ll keep traveling in some form, and I do more than just travel—are both true. But now I understand something that perhaps many of you already knew when you asked the question: the answers were true, but they weren’t sufficient. There is a real sense of loss as a big adventure comes to an end, and I should be prepared for it.
***
Assuming all goes well, the adventure is coming to an end over the next 16 months. There’s still a long way to go, but I can finally foresee a time when there won’t be any more stressing over visas and hopping off to random countries that I knew nothing about until a few years ago. I probably won’t sleep on many airport floors, and won’t likely maximize a 10-segment itinerary to get to as many stops as possible.
I don’t know what comes next, and the thought of coming to the end feels like a real loss.
An actor friend gave me a metaphor: when a show closes, the actors all experience a feeling of sadness and loss. This is usually true even if they didn’t especially love the show, or even if they’re all ready to move on to something else. You still have to say goodbye to an intense period of your life, and that’s always tough.
So now, after failing to grasp the problem, I suddenly get it. I felt like crying on that airport bus from Seoul, and it wasn’t because I wanted another day in Korea. It was that I’ve been working for something for so long, and now that it actually seems within reach, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Of course I’ll still travel and write after April 7, 2013. I’ll start more projects than I can finish and say yes to things I’m excited about. The best is yet to come. But I do understand… this is a problem I don’t yet know how to solve.
***
From Seoul I went down to Uzbekistan, a quirky little country in Central Asia. I’ve always been intimidated by the region before, mostly because I didn’t have the greatest experience in Russia. The lingua franca of the region is Russian, a language I know nothing of, and the administrative process in many “stan” countries resembles a Soviet Union that only exists in memory and excessive paperwork.
But this time, I began to see a key difference between a place like Uzbekistan and Russia itself. They are quite different, and I prefer Uzbekistan. I went for an hour-long run and returned back to a breakfast at my guesthouse with a large group of Indian travelers. Several of the people were quite loud and kept shouting to the waiters. “Hot milk! Bring us hot milk! Napkins! Omelette!” The waiters, who didn’t speak English, kept nodding and running back and forth to the kitchen. It was all quite hilarious and reminded me of why I travel.
I could have stayed longer. I would have enjoyed taking a tour to learn more about history and art. Of course, I had to move on after a brief stay, and that’s OK. No regrets. But when my taxi driver deposited me at the Tashkent airport, I motioned to him to stop outside the parking lot so I could walk in.
The driver, who told me had been taking English classes, phoned in to the dispatcher to find out how much the fare should be (another odd, bureaucratic system). He came back and quoted a figure that was a couple bucks more than I had been told to pay at the hotel. I explained what I had been told, and asked if I could pay the lower fare.
“Sir, I not lie you!” the driver told me. He seemed genuinely distressed about my concern, and genuinely honest. I gave him the higher fare, along with a small bit of extra cash that I wouldn’t be needing anywhere but Uzbekistan. Nice guy.
Then I took my time in walking to the terminal, stopping to watch the sunset and the crowded group of people waiting to greet arriving passengers. Another guy approached, offering another taxi but also just wanting to chat. We had a comical, one-sided conversation in English and Russian (guess which side I was) that ended with me flapping my arms to indicate I didn’t need another taxi because I was preparing to fly away. He smiled and waved me off.
Inside, I did the same thing… no rush, no hurry. Soak it all in, I told myself. Don’t forget this time and place. You’ll never be back, so hold on to whatever you can.
***
On the way home the following week, I got stuck and had to detour for an unexpected three-day stay in Sydney. I ran in the gardens, went on a walking tour, drank Australian pinot noir. It was beautiful and once again reminded me of all the things I loved about travel when I started.
Then I flew home via Melbourne and Los Angeles, and then it was over. Sure, I have five open trips planned—sorting out my visa for Eritrea is the problem of the moment—but all is on track.
Only 25 countries to go. And then what? Only time will tell.
###
Image: YST
October 13, 2011
Angeline
A wonderful post. You’ve left a wonderful legacy for yourself; when you get old and are unable to travel anymore, you will have the memories.
October 13, 2011
Dusty
Perhaps visiting all the countries in the world was just the beginning? Its crazy to think, but maybe in your path, you are still a newbie. Your just now moving past the beginner stage.
Perhaps, being at the beginning of your real adventure, you simply needed this experience to gain some wisdom and confidence to use in the next chapter?
Only you can guess what it is, but regardless, I’m certain you’ll do a fantastic job. And have one hell of a ride!
I’ve truly enjoyed your book and your posts. You are an incredible motivator. I can’t wait to see what’s next.
Thank you!
October 13, 2011
Janice Holly Booth
A great reminder to always be present. I’ve been doing solo adventure travel for over a decade. Recently, I made a list of all the places and things I want to visit and do. And then, as I looked at the list, I realized I don’t have enough time left in my life to do it all. What a sobering moment. Recently, I visited New Brunswick, Canada and found myself moving from one place to the next too quickly. My initial thought was, “I’ll spend more time here next time.” But there won’t be a next time, unless I give up something else on my list. Note to self: Don’t plan on coming back, there is only now. So make it matter.”
Thanks for your post about “Soul”. It really resonated.
October 13, 2011
Shelley Prowse Davis
I feel the same after every ceremony. A sadness that for me it comes to an end, but for every family I leave, a happiness for where they go from here.
October 14, 2011
Gil Sousa
You are a traveler, and you said that you are planning to keep traveling. Now you are “just” collecting countries, but is it enough? Why don’t you start a long term trip, away from your comfort zone, and do a slow round the world trip interacting with remote cultures and test your own limits? Instead of keep returning home, just keep traveling during a few months.
One of my life goals is living for a few months/years in inner China, in a place where the English language has no use and where I have to manage to “survive” and communicate.
October 14, 2011
Roxanne
I understand the sense of loss you are describing. There is a beautiful poem called “One Art” whose recurrent theme is a line that reads “the art of losing isn’t hard to master.” Even though the novelty of each country will not be there if you return to it, you can still continue to travel. The new challenge can be seeing old places with new eyes and finding a way to rediscover the wonder in them. That is part of what I am trying to do with my return to the Middle East and I am excited for the journey…
October 14, 2011
Brad
Great story. I had travelled extensively with the military and was very fortunate to have some time off to travel for leisure in those countries.
I know the feeling of sadness all too well, especially when you have to leave behind unique relationships forged quicly and intensely.
Thanks!
Brad
October 14, 2011
heather
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”
~Anatole France
October 14, 2011
Corey Koehler
Hey, there is always space travel when you run out of countries.
October 14, 2011
walt
i was also thinking what Felix is thinking: space travel. weightlessness. also sky-diving…there are lots of adventures to have. or you could go on an inner journey instead. go on retreats at beautiful monasteries, see if, now that you’ve explored all of the mundane world you might like to become a Buddhist or something and explore the more boundless inner one. I don’t think *that* exploration ever need end.
October 14, 2011
Brianna
When one door closes, another opens and blah blah blah. I so envy all the traveling you’ve been able to do. I often dream of booking myself on a world cruise and writing a memoir about the experience, but that is a dream that is far off, given the financial prohibitiveness of spending nearly $30,000 to travel the world.
October 14, 2011
Rosanna
Endings are always bittersweet but they always carry the promise of new beginnings. I congratulate you in advance for the start of something new… another adventure. Who knows, you may decide to undertake the monumental adventure of exploring the many challenges, lessons and joy that comes from staying put in one place for a long, long time.
October 15, 2011
Pema Teeter
Richard Attenborough searched for his Ghandi for 19 years. When he walked into the makeup trailer to see Ben Kingsley ready for his screen test, the director slumped into a chair and felt grief, staring at the man who would help him finally realize his dream. Attenborough had become intimate with his search and it was over. In his joyous, hard won gain, there was loss.
October 16, 2011
Azeem Ahmed @ Travel Tamed
Some people are so fortunate enough to see the world and you are one of them. 168 countries in the list huh? Its sometimes hard to believe and when you mentioned Sri Lanka was #100 which was actually 68 countries ago, it was a different feeling in myself. I have not traveled a single country yet, not even to my neighboring country or not yet traveled to every corner of my own country and i know it will be hard for you to believe it because i think traveling has now become a part of your life just like how food and drink is. Man, you are so fortunate, great. Wish you good luck with your next 25 more to go!
I am 23 now and i wish someday i could follow your footsteps and travel the entire globe as traveling is my passion and travel the world is my dream.
October 16, 2011
Phil Drolet
Thanks for the reminder- I’m coming to the end of a 17 journey in Australia where I came to get a Master’s Degree in Business but from where I’ll be flying away with a Master’s Degree in Optimal Living.
It reminded me that so many of the things I take for granted about Perth I’ll be missing very soon. Will definitely be looking at things through a different lens today.
October 16, 2011
Yvonne
Sometimes staying put is hard to do. I have lived in just 3 countries and have travelled a bit and although I often daydream of other places, sometimes I just want to find somewhere to settle- my forever place.
I wonder if I ever will. Will the travel bug (or whatever you want to call it) ever leave me? I don’t know and when I leave a place I always wonder if I’ll go there again.
Nice post!
October 18, 2011
Steven
Couldn’t agree more, I’m back to London tomorrow (I’m from France), after spending a week in Hong Kong and a week in Tokyo, loved every single minute of it, especially the moments where no understood what I said, what a blast. I know this is something I wanna keep doing, I met so many great people while travelling, we are still friends. Hong Kong is my favorite place so far, I like the crazyness of the place, 24/7 fun!
October 19, 2011
Katia
I was departing from Trapani airport (Sicily) when I read your blog, and it made me stop and savour the last minutes in that nice part of Italy and recollect the sweet memories of a long weekend with old and new friends. Thank you for inspiring me and reminding to be in the present and appreciate even the simple things like driving around in search for a gas station before dropping the rented car.
I’ve been experiencing the sense of loss you describe several times when I travel and it happens also in my job, at the end of a project (I work as an indipendent management consultant). But often a quiet and nurturing sense of gratitude substitutes the sadness and the sense of emptyness every end brings about. I wish you the same and a lot of new beginings and amazing dreams to fulfill!
October 25, 2011
Jon
Great post. This really reminded me of how I felt when I finished my first marathon. The ecstasy of victory and the sadness of … victory. But like another commenter said, there’s another challenge ahead. Training for my first 50K now.
October 26, 2011
guineveruca
beautiful post, and as others mentioned, the comparison to the end of a show run is apt. I used to be a dancer and every show ended with a tiny feeling of loss, even if I flat out hated the piece, the choreographer, the process (not that that happened often!).
I’m on the other end of it in terms of travel – just getting started on a goal of international travel, and this blog has certainly inspired me. I love reading about the travel itself but your take on approaching life with open arms is what draws me back to the site. I imagine you’ll come up with your next project long before those last 25 countries are experienced.
November 4, 2011
Steve M
I’m glad you took the opportunity to stop and enjoy the moment when leaving Uzbekistan. While your quest to visit every country is quite ambitious and inspiring, and will end up being one of the more remarkable accomplishments any human has ever made when you think about it, I have wondered how much you actually get to experience each stop. I know some stays must be more in-depth than others. But it is refreshing to read that you stopped to take pause and appreciate the moment itself for what it was. That is something all travelers, by nature, must do. Cheers.
April 9, 2012
dramaholics
Wow. 168 countries down, chris! That’s remarkable. Well for me there’s no ending when it comes to adventure or travelling. You may go back to places that you have been through and visit the areas that you’ve never been before. And you may eventually encounter great adventure for your trip.