Great work. Thanks for the inspiration…you are having a huge effect on my life.
cheers!!

Good self-esteem not only means trusting yourself, but also being able to deal with the fact that you are not perfect and make mistakes too, and very important, being able to forgive yourself, so you can move on.

Like Rudyard Kipling said in his classic poem “IF”:

“… If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too; …”

The only thing I’ve found so far that works for me is to deeply hear what the person is expressing until they feel some relief at being heard, then ask if they’re willing to listen to me.

For example, if someone who says “I don’t like Oprah” I might try guessing that they’re expressing their worry because they want to see people free from being overly influenced by someone with a powerful media presence.

Once someone is fully heard, the dialogue opens and ideas can be exchanged and that’s what makes me come alive!

Another one that might help someone here is, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” As things have steadily increased in my business, it seems as if these types of people come out of the woodwork. Then I understood one time when someone said, “Hey I don’t like Oprah.” Then I thought, “Man, who doesn’t like Oprah.”

So there you go… when I was a singer/songwriter people thought I was really into Bob Dylan. I don’t like him at all, but hey… he is still Bob Dylan (which I completely respect). Furthermore, think about the people who just waste their time writing to someone they don’t like. I never once did that in my entire life.

Sure we can all have opinions, but these people that waste their time trying to tell you how much they dislike you or something you did… I just says more about them, then what actually say.
*Jared

My strategy is to understand that critics are, for the most part, unhappy, jealous people with poor or low-self esteem and no life. They’re simply trying to steal my happiness – so they’re also thieves in a way. I deal with them pretty much on a one-on-one basis. I don’t negotiate with bullies or terrorists and I don’t back down. I do ultimately take pity on them. I am learning to simply say a prayer for them that the emptiness, anger and hatred in their lives is replaced with love and peace. It frees me from the stress of taking their comments personally and allows me to practice gratitude (that I am not them), patience and persistence. Yes – it hurts, but understanding that they are judging me based on their own projections or understanding and not on mine – makes it much easier to shrug off.

I see my friend’s success as a joyful thing and don’t get jealous – just motivated. So, I don’t understand the critic thing really. But, good post!

And I thought about this. My grandmother doesn’t understand why I don’t want to just get through school and find a decent job and put a down payment on a house. Who said I want a house! I never said anything about a house or staying here, or getting a decent job. I try to stay away from the subject of my life goals with my grandmother, she thinks there irrational and irresponsible and only gives her cause to constantly treat me like a child. When we do talk about these subjects she said “Why do you want to make me worry, are you trying to put me in the hospital.” I was sad at first but I have now come to the conclusion, if she dose that to herself that’s her problem not mine… I’ve seen through our many discussions and outburst of arguments that, shes just selfish. She truly doesn’t care if I’m happy, just as long as I live the life she deems correct. When people think like this you just have to think… if I walked a mile i their shoes would I be happy, would I regret not following my dreams… your heart will give you the true answers.

And I did walk a mile in those shoes, I signed up at a community college instead of going to art school, and worked in the small office of a distribution factory… my heart screamed loudly… and at that moment stooping over the “F-G” filing cabinet I knew I was going down a road that… in truth terrified me.

Another quote re criticism that is one of my mantras comes from Hilary Clinton: “I take all criticism seriously, but I don’t take it personally.” (that might not be a direct quote, but it’s a reasonable paraphrase). I think that speaks to the fact we might need to hear what people are saying (or not saying, as Louise points out), but we don’t need to accept criticism as a judgement on ourselves.

Terrific website – just found it – I’ve added it to my toolkit in my quest to be dauntless!
E

When you remember this event with a “her-honcho” (!), sounds like you’re irritated because you’d like to consider what other people tell you before jumping in and committing yourself to a community event? sounds like you really value team-work and openness?

And are you frustrated because you’d love to present what you present with the passion you really feel? is that close?

Warm wishes from France,
Louise