What, you didn’t know that Luciano Pavarotti was huge on Twitter?

Oh yes. Or at least, he could have been.

See, every day I talk with various people about their projects. Inevitably, I hear a lot of questions that are rooted in this premise:

“How can people give me their attention?”

In other words: “How can I get more for myself?” The more in question varies: interest, customers, website traffic, subscribers, money, whatever—but it always relates to an increase in focus on the individual.

There’s nothing wrong with any of those things. I’d like more too. But motivations can be interesting predictors of success. The more that we want tends to come along when we give more, but when we give because we want to receive, it doesn’t always turn out so well.

If it sounds complicated, it’s not. Here’s the secret:

Some singers want the audience to love them. I love the audience. -Luciano Pavarotti

Interestingly enough, in the business I’m in, I’ve noticed that almost everyone who is successful in the long-term lives by this lesson. Yes, there are a few exceptions. But you can usually tell how it goes down within a few minutes of meeting someone—and these days, you can “meet” someone whether you’re in the same place or not.

Therefore, the better question to ask is:

“How can I give more?”

Sometimes I’m ashamed at my giving / receiving ratio. Look at that guy Jonathan Fields! He’s always saying nice things about me. I can’t keep up. I wrote him and said, “Dude! Slow down. You give too much.” (To which he said: “There’s no scorecard.” Of course he would say something like that.)

Look at that guy J.D. Roth! He writes about me all the time, even knowing that some of his more conservative readers think I’m crazy for spending my money on flying to Cape Verde without a good reason.

Quick update on that: British Airways is still on strike, but last night I made it back to London on a charter flight operated by EuroAtlantic. I’d never heard of EuroAtlantic before, but BA switched me over to them and it worked out OK. Next stop: Sal Island.

These people, the Jonathans and J.D.s of the online world who give back all the time, are incredibly rich in goodwill. I feel like I am permanently in their debt, and it makes me want to give them whatever it is I can give.

And of course, it’s not just the famous people. It’s Everyone Else. All of YOU who read from more than 100 countries now. Every day I look at the comments, the emails, the trackbacks, the fun things everyone is doing and think… am I really giving enough? How can I give more?

Understand: there’s nothing wrong with promoting your thing, asking for help, making a living. I don’t even think there’s anything wrong with wanting more.

But I figure the first step is to adopt Mr. Pavarotti’s perspective. It seemed to work out fairly well for him, even without a fan page or a LinkedIn profile.

Give back. Show love. If you want to change the world, love the audience.

What can you give the audience?

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Image: AA

Every year I choose a personal theme, and in December I decided that 2010 would be the year of SCALE and REACH. Thus far, it’s been an accurate prediction—some days it’s all I can do just to try and keep up.

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking more about EMPOWERMENT than anything else. Empowerment, as I think of it, is all about the beautiful principle of transferring knowledge and helping people consider possibilities that previously seemed out of reach.

The best lesson to illustrate empowerment is through a selection from Hafiz, a Sufi poet from the 14th century. Consider:

The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He
Knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.

Most of us spend a lot of time building cages for those around us. This is accomplished by striving to make people small, so that we small men can feel bigger. Cage-building is protecting yourself and your interests, making yourself look good, and discouraging good ideas because you weren’t the one to come up with them.

Taking the credit for yourself, assigning the blame to others—that kind of thing. Mostly it involves thinking about the kingdom of Me.

Key-dropping, on the other hand, is making other people look good, building them up, expanding the pie. In other words, key-dropping is all about EMPOWERMENT, that beautiful thing of knowledge transfer and possibility.

Think about the times when someone has really helped you think or live differently. It was like they placed a key on the ground in front of you; you picked it up and unlocked a cage. (You had to open the cage yourself, of course, but it was a lot easier with a key.)

As I consider the work I’ve done over the past five years, I see a mixture of cage-building and key-dropping. As Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” Accordingly, I see myself dropping more and more keys. But I can also see that I’ve built some cages. The course of action to change this is simple: build fewer cages; drop more keys.

What does that look like? Something like this:

• Before speaking up at a meeting, before sending an email, before publishing a blog post, whatever — ask the question, “Will this empower?”
• Give away your best work, and think about how you can give away even more of it
• Stop keeping score — or if you must keep score, make sure you’re always giving more than you take
• That thing you know how to do that everyone else marvels at? Show people how it’s really done.

You could probably think of examples that make more sense for your own situation. But whatever you do, don’t be the small man building cages. Be the sage, dropping keys for the prisoners.

What keys do you hold that could set a prisoner free? Why not start dropping those everywhere you go?

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Image: Bfick

Last week I mentioned two important facts about water and the world around us.

Fact #1: The problem is serious. While the rest of us look at pictures of the iPad and debate what kind of healthcare reform America should have, one billion people in Africa and Asia don’t have clean water.

Fact #2: Empowering people at the local level is the best way to fix the problem. Addressing the global water crisis is probably the most important thing we can do to help people make their own choices. You can’t “design your ideal lifestyle” when your children keep getting sick from bad water.

This week, let’s add a third observation:

Fact #3: It’s best to tackle the problem one place at a time. The overall water crisis is hard to fix (one billion people!), but when you break it down country by country, region by region, and community by community, it’s not nearly as difficult.

With the third observation in mind, today I’m kicking off a different kind of launch.

What You Need to Know

1. I’ve chosen to work on this project with my friends at Charity: Water, and together we’ve chosen to focus on two communities in rural Ethiopia. 100% of donations – yours and mine – will be applied directly to project expenses.

2. I want to raise a minimum of $500,000 for water wells in Ethiopia over the next 18 months. I’d be happy with more, of course, but it’s good to have a goal.

3. My own commitment towards this goal includes 10% of all revenue (not just profit, but everything that comes in) from UnconventionalGuides.com, 20% of all author royalties from my upcoming print book, and 100% of royalties for every reader I meet on the Unconventional Book Tour this fall. (The more people who come out, the more money we raise — more on that later.)

4. My accountant will provide a letter every year stating that I’ve kept my end of the bargain. I’ll also be discussing the project in every speech I give, and whenever I talk with people about AONC in general… which is pretty much every day.

5. Despite going all out, my own contribution will be a small part of the overall fundraising goal. The rest will need to come from friends, readers, and partners who want to be a part of the mission.

***

Over the next few months, I’ll tell you more about why this project is so important, and more about the specific communities in Ethiopia we’ll be partnering with. In late 2011 I’ll also take a small team to visit the communities and document the work that’s been done in cooperation with local leaders.

If this mission resonates with you, I would like you to be part of it with me.

Many of you have your own circle of influence or your own small army. When you speak, they listen to you because they trust you. I recently mentioned my support for Partners in Health in their relief effort for Haiti. Someone wrote in a few days later and said he read the post and felt compelled to give $10,000. WOW. Amazing, yes?

But then—he asked his friends to help out as well, and they raised ANOTHER $10k. I was suitably impressed, both by the donation and by the way his friends agreed to help double the initial amount. These are the kinds of things that happen with a group that is united in purpose to achieve something great.

If you have a blog, a classroom, an audience of some kind, you’re invited to be a partner in this project. You can donate directly, tell your friends, or get creative.

More information here:

http://charitywater.org/aonc

P.S. We’re still working out a few things in terms of how the blogger commitments and partner opportunities will work, but I didn’t want to wait on launching this important project. (Another lesson from Linchpin: artists ship! Artists get things out! I agree.)

I figured some of you may not want to wait either, so that’s why it’s here now.

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You can follow me on Twitter here
You can join AONC on Facebook here

And… you can support our Ethiopia Water Project here.

While surveying villages outside of the capital Monrovia, we found this site where villagers obtained their drinking water.

As a traveler, I drink the tap water almost everywhere I go — but you can be sure I brought my own $3 bottle of water with me that day. No one builds up an immunity to a water source like that.

The previous year, while working in Sierra Leone, we had taken up a collection for another charity further upcountry in Liberia. After seeing the first water source, we made our way to the second site in a long, bumpy ride in a Land Rover. A crowd gathered to greet us, and this was the image we found at that scene:

At this site we heard a number of interesting things from the villagers, the most interesting of which was that no child had died since the well had been installed. I thought that was a pretty good return-on-investment: pay for a well, work with a local organization to ensure a strong educational campaign accompanies the arrival of the well, and children stop dying.

Stories like these are the best way I know to illustrate two things:

1) The global water crisis is staggering. I won’t bore you with statistics, except to note that almost one billion people in the developing world are more likely to drink from a water source like the first image than the second.

I don’t know about you, but these days I’m more concerned with the quality of my cappuccino than my drinking water. Despite the fact that the world is unfair in many ways, I find it unacceptable that so many people have to worry about where their daily water comes from.

2) Enabling people with the ability to make their own choices is the best form of development. If you can’t make the simple choice to not get sick all the time or keep your children alive, your options are very limited. There isn’t much “lifestyle design” in places like this.

Having been through graduate school in the social sciences, I’m well aware of the moral relativist argument that we should mind our own business and leave these things alone. But fortunately, my two years at the university were preceded by four years in places like Liberia and Sierra Leone. I’ve seen too many water sources like that of the first image, and no one wants their children to die before the age of five due to a completely preventable illness.

Next week, we’ll kick off the new AONC Charity Project. It’s actually not completely new; I’ve been donating a big chunk of revenue towards it for a while, and I’m working with my publisher to integrate the project with the book that comes out this fall.

I haven’t said much about it before and don’t want to make a public issue about my own giving, but I also realize we can do a lot more as a group than any of us could on our own. Therefore, stay tuned for a different kind of launch, which will be accompanied by an ambitious goal (of course).

The thing about before and after — it’s hard to go back to before when you’ve experienced the after. This is true in life, clean drinking water, and transformation of all kinds.

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You can follow me on Twitter here
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Photos by Scott

Greetings, friends and readers. Today I have a personal interview with one of our group who reads AONC from the Sudan.

Christine (not her real name) is from the U.S. and works in the international development field for a charity that operates throughout Sudan. She has spent more than a year in the country thus far, and recently signed on for another commitment of indefinite length.

Because she is engaged in sensitive work and serves in Sudan at the permission of the government, we mutually decided to post this as an anonymous interview. All answers are her own.

Let’s get started.

• I know it’s probably hard to summarize what’s happening in the Sudan, but can you try?

This is a difficult question to answer. For years the media has simplistically portrayed two conflicts in Sudan: the Darfur conflict pitting government support “Arab” tribes against “African” tribes and the civil war between the Muslim North and the Christian South. I’ll start with Darfur. First, the “Arab” and “African” labels are somewhat arbitrary. The various tribes have been living together and intermarrying for centuries.

Second, the level of violence is nowhere near what it was a few years ago during what some have labeled the “genocide.” New arrivals to Internally Displaced Person (IDP) camps are fleeing low-intensity conflicts. For the most part, these are no longer just janjaweed/rebel conflicts. Often, they may be arab/arab, rebel/rebel, nomad/pastoralist, etc. While people are no longer dying in massive numbers, over 200,000 people are still displaced due to insecurity.

In March of 2009, the International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant for Sudanese President Bashir for crimes against humanity, the first time the ICC has done this to a sitting president. The next day, twelve of the largest aid agencies were expelled from the country. Three of the most effective national NGOs were dissolved and all assets were seized by the government. Since then, the level of harassment of international aid workers has reached unprecedented levels. At least seven workers have been kidnapped in the Darfur region, causing the remaining international agencies to pull out of certain areas. In some cases, the government has taken over certain programs, although how long they can sustain this remains to be seen.

I think it is important to note that the government is not a monolithic entity. There are some very good people in the Sudanese government, particularly the line ministries such as the Ministry of Health, doing the best that they can to provide services to the Sudanese people.

The second conflict is the North/South. In 2005, the leaders of the North and South signed the Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA), ending a conflict that had lasted more than 20 years. According to the terms of the peace agreement, a presidential election would be held in 2009 and a referendum in 2011 on whether or not the South would become an independent country. The election has yet to be held due to disagreement over the census. Conflict has arisen in the border areas since the signing, mostly in the oil-bearing regions such as Abyei. These areas have special status and will also have the right to vote whether they want to join the north or the south if the country splits. Of course, where there is oil, there is almost always conflict. In addition, the South has seen significant inter-tribal violence in the past year, with entire villages massacred.

• What are the root causes of the conflicts?

Underdevelopment, politics, race, climate change—ask 10 people, you will get 10 different answers. I’ve given a very simplistic overview above. To learn more about the Sudan conflict, check out Alex de Waal’s blog Making Sense of Darfur. While Alex has a definite bias (full disclosure: a bias that I often share), he is very good about ensuring that those who disagree with him have a voice as well.

• What does a typical day look like for you?

I don’t think there is such a thing as a typical day. I divide my time between the capital and field sites. When I am in the capital, a typical day consists of writing reports and attending meetings with government officials, donor representatives, and various UN agencies. When I am in the field, I visit project sites (schools, clinics, water sources, etc.) and meet with beneficiaries to ensure that our programs are meeting their needs.

• What are your biggest challenges, personally or professionally?

Maintaining neutrality is critical when working in a humanitarian situation. We are in Sudan at the pleasure of the government. As a sovereign nation, they have every right to decide whether or not we are allowed to stay in the country. Since I believe that the life-saving services we provide are critical, I need to be extremely careful of what I say and do, which is extremely difficult and, at times, ethically challenging.

The other great challenge is working with UN agencies. While I know some very dedicated, intelligent people who work for the UN and some agencies that function better than others, the system works against them. I despair when I think of the billions of dollars that get wasted on outrageously high salaries and fancy compounds. What most people don’t know is that often UN agencies, such as UNICEF, don’t actually implement anything, particularly in insecure areas. Rather, they subcontract to NGOs (primarily national staff) who then provide services to beneficiaries, with the UN taking a significant portion of the funds in overhead. When money is funneled through UN agencies, rigid, inflexible rules make it difficult to implement projects. UNICEF now insists that any NGOs building schools or latrines with their funds must procure cement from the UN.

I know many projects that have stalled because UNICEF failed to deliver that cement and won’t allow the NGOs to procure it in the local market. It’s not just the wasted money that makes my blood boil. It’s the way they try to control all humanitarian activities with a dictatorial hand, without consulting beneficiaries or the NGOs who work with them.

I should reiterate that I can only speak to my experience with certain agencies in a certain context, although recent studies commissioned by a consortium of major NGOs indicated that this occurs in many countries.

• Do you think people in the U.S. and elsewhere in the Western world are aware of what’s happening in the Sudan?

I think they get a very skewed idea of what is going on. The loudest voices control the coverage and the debate. In the West, these voices come from advocacy groups like Save Darfur and the Enough project. While their intentions are good, they portray the conflict in Sudan in black and white terms—the evil government against the defenseless rebels.

I even saw a recent editorial by the founder of the Enough project blaming the recent inter-tribal conflicts in the South on the Northern government. The problem with this simplistic view is that it limits the options of western governments if you convince enough of the public that one side is evil and the other is the side of the angels.

• What motivates you or led to your choice to work in Sudan?

An Ethiopian refugee who had spent time in Sudan once said that if you put 100 of the world’s nicest people in a room, 99 of them would be Sudanese. I couldn’t agree more. The first time I went to Sudan, a few years ago, I was extremely nervous. With the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, anti-western sentiment was high in Muslim countries. I expected to experience this but everyone I met was warm and welcoming. I also find the country fascinating—the cultures, the geography, the politics.

• What worries you?

I worry about not being able to meet commitments to the people we provide services for because of security concerns. With multiple kidnappings of aid workers this year, I worry about colleagues in insecure areas. I worry about the peace holding (see the answer to the next question).

This isn’t a worry but I find that one of the most difficult things about this type of work is always having to say goodbye to people. Very few people want to live long-term in a country that is in the midst of a humanitarian crisis. Most people stick around for a year or less.

• Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future of Sudan?

I’m extremely pessimistic in the short term. We’ll see how the country reacts to two major events over the next year or so. The presidential election is scheduled to occur this coming April. The voter registration period recently ended, but I know very few people who registered. Some just wanted to stay under the radar. I’ve heard others say that registration implies acceptance that the process will be legitimate, which many doubt. Not registering is a form of protest. Many Southerners could care less about the presidential election because they are simply biding time until the second event: the referendum in which they get to vote whether or not to secede from Sudan. Protests are already beginning about the legitimacy of that process.

Most Southerners support succession. But will the vote be legitimate? Even if it is, will both parties accept the result? Even if they do, does the South have the resources to survive as a state? What’s to stop the southern tribes from fighting each other – over 2,000 have died in tribal clashes this past year. I’ve had Southerners tell me that the only thing preventing them from fighting each other is their desire to hold it together until after the referendum.

That being said, I do have optimism for the long term primarily because of the sheer volume of talented, intelligent, engaged people in Sudan. To be clear, I am referring to the Sudanese and not the expats. I’m particularly impressed by the women in this country. Many of my role models are the smart, sassy, fiercely independent Sudanese women working in the Ministry of Health, teaching in universities, and running nonprofit organizations. I think that may surprise some people when they hear that northern Sudan is governed by Islamic law. Wearing a hijab does not make one subservient.

• What do you do for fun over there? Do you have such a thing?

I think that in order to stay sane, you have to have fun outlets. I read a lot. I think the Kindle is the greatest invention of the 21st century. I hated the idea of ebooks. But when you have very limited luggage allowances, especially on internal UN flights (which we use to get to field sites), a device that weighs 10.2 ounces, can hold up to 1,000 books, and can last for over a week without recharging, is heaven-sent.

Northern Sudan is under Islamic law, which means no alcohol and no nightlife. We spend a lot of time at coffee shops. A group of North American friends decided to introduce our Eastern hemisphere friends to potlucks, which we hold once or twice a month. The embassies occasionally host events.

I love NPR podcasts. Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me is the highlight of my week. If anyone knows a way to download (not stream) Morning Edition or All Things Considered, please let me know.

I also watch a lot of DVDs. It’s not unusual to work 10-12 hours a day, 6 or 7 days a week. It’s nice to pop in a DVD and fall asleep 10 minutes later. Regardless of nationality, the most popular DVDs here seem to be West Wing and The Wire.

• Can you tell us a good story about your work?

When people think of aid work, I think the most common images are of people constructing schools or latrines, drilling wells, distributing food, or delivering health care. But just because you build a latrine does not mean that someone will use it. The most difficult part of aid work is getting the community to believe in what you are doing and to take ownership of the projects. I worked for an organization that was building latrines as part of a larger project—but no one used latrines in the community. As a result, the water was contaminated and people were getting sick. During community meetings to introduce the project, community members told our staff that it was taboo to go to the bathroom in “house”. If you do, you will be considered a wizard and your daughters will never marry.

You may find that amusing but these people truly believe that, which is why our community mobilizers are key to our program success.

• What is the one thing you’d want AONC readers to understand about your work, or aid work in general?

People want jobs, not handouts. While there are certain situations when a handout is the only choice (conflicts, natural disasters), I believe that global poverty needs to be addressed in a broader economic context. For example, as long as developed countries continue to subsidize agriculture (typically large agriculture corporations, not the small family farm), African farmers will never be able to earn enough to support their families and will continue to rely on handouts.

• What can we do to help?

I know the easy answer to this question is to give money to charity x. However, I believe that the best thing one can do is to take time to educate oneself. To understand the complexities of the underlying causes of conflicts or poverty and to demand the same of your government representatives.

For aid in general, here are three books that with very different perspectives on aid: The End of Poverty by Jeffery Sachs, The Bottom Billion by Paul Collier, and Dead Aid by Dambisa Moyo.

***

Wrap-Up

I really appreciate our friend taking the time to write such detailed responses. If you have a follow-up question for her, feel free to post it in the comments and she’ll respond as internet access allows.

(Remember that this is an anonymous interview and she can’t comment on anything political.)

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You can follow me on Twitter here
You can join AONC on Facebook here

Photos by Stephanie

***

This video update was recorded after my recent trip to San Diego. What a great place! Thanks to everyone who came out to welcome me.

Note: my assistant makes a guest appearance early in the video, so even if you were upset about my support for healthcare reform, you still might want to watch.

If you can’t watch the video, here’s a short summary.

1. Why am I writing about politics on AONC? Personally, I don’t think of things like equality and access to healthcare as political issues; I see them as human rights issues. It’s sad (to me) that they have become so politicized, but regardless, I don’t see why I should keep silent about an important issue just because a few people will get upset.

2. Fellow bloggers and anyone else with a platform to share your views: will readers abandon you if you actually say what you think about an important issue? Not really. If anything, you’ll gain more trust and respect. Watch and see.

3. Even if some people leave, so what? Maybe the people who leave weren’t the best fit for your community to begin with. If someone is really so offended about one opinion that they’re ready to write you out of their life, the relationship wasn’t that strong to begin with.

4. When I think about big moral issues (equality, for example), I take the long-term view. Thirty years from now, I don’t want to look back and say that I had an opinion and a platform but never spoke up. As I said in the original post, the truth always emerges over time; the challenge is to get it right before history has been written.

5. Be brave. Take a stand. People care about what you think. Don’t worry!

***

This week I’m in Washington, D.C.. Next week is the product launch for Frequent Flyer Master, then I take a big trip to the Caucauses (Azerbaijan, Georgia, Armenia), then I turn in my book manuscript.

Thankfully, I like all of these things, so it’s not stressful. Hope you’re having fun too, wherever you are.

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Find me on Twitter: twitter.com/chrisguillebeau
Join AONC on Facebook: facebook.com/artofnonconformity

In 2005, U.N. Secretary General Koffi Annan was struggling with a series of scandals and other challenges in his administration. I read this short quote in a magazine interview with him and wrote it down in my notebook:

Question: Senator Coleman says you are ‘damaged goods.’ What do you say to him?

Answer: Watch and see.

***

I loved the calm, measured, determined response.

You don’t have to defend yourself, or prove yourself to anyone. Just tell them, “Watch and see.” Then go and do whatever you need to do.

Koffi Annan was able to successfully complete his term. Senator Coleman lost his race for re-election last year.

***

Over the next three weeks I’ll be finishing up the manuscript on my first “real” book. I’ll still be here and won’t miss a posting day, of course, but a few articles may be shorter than usual. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for reading.

As for you, friends and readers, sometimes the best thing you can do is go out and be awesome. Whenever you meet a skeptic, you know what to tell them: watch and see.

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Find me on Twitter: twitter.com/chrisguillebeau
Join AONC on Facebook: facebook.com/artofnonconformity

Image by Eye2Eye

This one goes out to all the people in the world who are afraid of something. Oh wait– perhaps I need to choose a smaller audience. Trying to write for everyone is usually a mistake.

See, every day I’m fortunate to read a lot of nice emails from all over the world. The people who write in are very kind. If it’s true that I can inspire someone, let the record show that I am similarly inspired by many other people, including those who are nice enough to pay attention to what I have to say.

However, some of the email I get uses the word fearless (as in, “I admire you for being fearless”), and whenever I see that word, I always worry that I’ve sent the wrong message somewhere.

Fearless? Whoa. Where did that come from? I may be any number of things, some good and some bad, but I am definitely not fearless.

Sorry if I gave anyone this impression somewhere. In reality, I have a long list of fears waiting to limit me at any given moment. Most of them can be related to the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of change– but there are countless variations. Name a fear, and I’ve probably had it at some point.

And I don’t think I’m alone in this. Personally, I’m suspicious of anyone who says they are truly fearless. I think they’re bluffing or hiding something deeply personal.

If any such person is out there, please be my guest and write in to introduce yourself as the first truly fearless person I’ve ever known. I’ll wait. If they really are fearless, then I think they should raise the stakes. Where much is given, much is required, right?

See, I’m skeptical about ever losing all fear. What I think is more important is finding a way to do great things despite the fear.

The Difference

The difference between being fearless and standing up to your fears lies in refusing to allow your fears to make your decisions.

I’m afraid of public speaking, but I do it anyway.

I’m afraid of taking a stand on tough issues– it’s so much easier just to sit back and criticize other people who do.

I’m not really afraid of travel at this point, but that’s only because I’ve done so much of it. In the beginning, I was certainly afraid. Because of the nature of fear, I’ve got plenty of other concerns to replace the travel fear.

And so I am afraid, and so I keep going.

I do this because I know the alternatives all too well. The alternative, at least in my case, is feeling bad about missing out on something because I was afraid. What scares me the most is NOT doing something.

Those times when I’ve let my fears dictate my decisions… I HATE THAT FEELING. I want to avoid it at any cost.

I haven’t yet learned how to pretend my fears don’t exist, but thankfully I’ve learned how to push through them. You push through with the help of:

• Experience – those times when you stood up to fear and did the right thing
• Preparation – understanding what to expect when you step out from the ordinary
• Trauma – this one is optional, but I’ve noticed that people who have overcome serious hardship often go on to be seriously amazing
• Perspective – How bad can it be? What’s the worst thing that can happen? If the world won’t end and no small children will die as the result of your actions, you might as well take the leap

***

The Bottom Line

Fear is normal! I like how M. Scott Peck puts it:

“The absence of fear is not courage. The absence of fear is some kind of brain damage.”

If you don’t care about excellence or world-changing or living life on the edge, you don’t need to worry about facing down your fears. In fact, you never need to pay attention to them at all. It is quite conventional to give in to fear and always wonder if something could have been different way back when.

For the rest of us, giving in is also known as giving up. If you do care about a full life, you must do whatever it takes to overcome your fear. Raise the stakes! Don’t give in. It’s worth it.

But let’s be clear: fearless? I don’t think so. Not for me, anyway.

And you?

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Fearless Symmetry Image by Swanksalot

To be truly awesome, you have to go above and beyond the efforts of those around you, look for alternative solutions, and refuse to back down from the truth. There’s a whole article about it for those who are curious.

But it all starts with showing up. Or, as a friend of mine puts it:

“I’m sorry you feel bad about not meeting your goals– what I would suggest is that you begin meeting your goals, in order to feel better.”

Insight such as this is difficult for some people to accept. Just imagine the excuses you’d hear:

But that’s not fair! But I tried to do it and something else came up! But some things are out of our control!

You can probably think of other excuses – in fact, you’ve probably heard them many times over. Thankfully, for those of us who do take responsibility, there’s good news on two levels. The first good news is that we automatically stand out. In a world of buck-passers, those who decide to take responsibility are unusual. Yay. You get the yellow jersey by default. (You still have to win the race, but no one is surprised when you do.)

But on a deeper level, the bright side of taking responsibility is that you can own your own success. Sure, other people helped you get there, but you were the one who actually crossed the finish line. You showed up. You did it. If you have to own the struggle and failure, integral parts of any goal worth pursuing, surely you can also own some of the success.

Remember this: many people can help you achieve success, but no one else is RESPONSIBLE for your success.

It’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments. Really.

When I think about people who rocked my world and redefined the course of my life at key points along the way, they fit into two general categories: those who took a chance on me when others wouldn’t, and those who turned me down or gently steered me elsewhere when something I wanted wasn’t right for me.

First up, I really appreciate the people who took a chance on me when others wouldn’t. Most of them are not on Twitter, they don’t have blogs, and they wouldn’t want a public shout-out. I know they are out there somewhere, probably taking other chances and helping other people. Good for them.

Because of what they did for me, I try to do the same for others wherever possible. Freely receive, freely give, right?

The second group – the people who declined my request for assistance, or who steered me elsewhere when something wasn’t right for me – goes a bit deeper. Without exception I was always initially disappointed in these encounters, but I was usually better off for them in the end.

In 2005 I applied to a graduate program in the U.K. Until the day I received the form letter thanking me for my application and offering regrets “due to many qualified applicants,” I was certain I’d get in. When I read the letter, I was crushed. I had scheduled my life around this opportunity, and then it was gone.

Surely this was a mistake! How had they misread my brilliant application?

I didn’t get in, I didn’t get waitlisted, and I never heard from them again. Thankfully, it wasn’t the final story. The final story involved spending a fourth year in Africa, strengthening many relationships there, working with the president of Liberia, moving to Seattle, setting up a new life in the Pacific Northwest, going to a graduate program that was better than the one I had hoped to go to earlier, traveling to all kinds of fun places, and eventually leading me to begin the career I have now.

I have no doubt that things would have been very different otherwise. It’s hard to say what exactly would have developed, but it’s fairly safe to say I wouldn’t be writing you now from Korean Air flight 017 (ICN-LAX) after two weeks of roaming the world. I like Korean Air just fine. I’m glad I didn’t miss out on this adventure.

In retrospect I can also see that I was drifting a bit during the time of that application. I was doing good work, but my overall purpose wasn’t clear. I think I viewed a university year in the U.K. as a way to defer life for a while. Being turned down required me to let go of the idea that an external force (in this case, a university) would carry me along instead of me figuring out what I really wanted.

Sometimes people let you down because they suck. Sometimes you’re just not ready. Other times, they let you down to give you the chance to be great without their help. Being pushed out of the nest is a good thing. It forces you to readjust your expectations: “Oh, this person isn’t actually going to be responsible for me. I guess I’ll have to be responsible myself. I guess I’ll have to find a way to meet the goals in order to feel better.”

***

When we find ourselves stuck in a situation and unable to move forward, something has to change. It is unnecessary and potentially fatal to rely on others to create change for us. Who’s responsible for creating change? You are.

What’s your job? Show up and bring something unique. I’d wish you good luck, but luck isn’t up to you. Luck is like a winning lottery ticket – if it comes your way, might as well cash it in. In the meantime, better to focus on what you can really influence.

Instead of luck, take heart. Take courage. It all starts with showing up.

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Responsibility Image by Nosha

Thanks to Carolynn for the quote about meeting goals

Have you seen the site Unnecessary Quotes? It’s fabulously sarcastic, offering a collection of signs that have quotation marks in all the wrong places.

I started thinking about other unnecessary things after a few people asked about my language skills for traveling. You can’t be a world traveler without speaking six languages, right?

Surprise! I’m not a language ninja. I speak bad French and awful Spanish.

Otherwise, I’m definitely not the guy you want to have around as a translator. (Airport codes and frequent flyer info, yes; translation at the next U.N. meeting, no.)

It’s not that I think everyone should speak English, or that learning other languages is unimportant. If I had kids, I’d put them in Chinese school in the morning with a Spanish-speaking nanny in the afternoon.

But you know what? Even though I’d happily accept the gift of magic language skills, I also know that my inability to cross most language barriers doesn’t really hinder me from going anywhere or doing anything. You don’t need to be a language ninja to travel. Sometimes it will be awkward and sometimes it will be funny, but your chances of starving to death on the road are quite low.

If I Could Only…

Focusing on something you don’t have (but think you need) can be a dangerous, common pattern. The pattern is to identify something you lack and use that as an obstacle that prevents you from doing what you really want.

With an obstacle identified, we feel better. No harm done, right? No harm except that nagging sense in the back of our brain that we really should be doing something differently. Not to worry: most people come to terms with it over time.

Fortunately, many of the obstacles we perceive are not really obstacles. Many of the things we think we need are unnecessary.

I don’t mean to discount handicaps, social disadvantage, etc., but the way out of most challenges was best defined by Oprah:

“We are each responsible for our own life; no other person is or even can be.”

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in a prison cell on Robbin Island. He got out and led South Africa on a path of forgiveness and transition. Viktor Frankl created a philosophy on finding personal meaning while imprisoned in a concentration camp.

When I think about people like that, I become less tolerant of other excuses. If you can emotionally thrive in prison, even more things become unnecessary. Let’s look at a few of them.

You don’t need experience. Experience can sometimes get you in the door, but what really matters is what you’re doing now. The past belongs on a resumé; the future is only partially in your hands. Today is the only day we are fully in control of.

You don’t need a mentor. No one will ever be as invested in your success as you. You can’t outsource the responsibility for planning the course of your life.

You don’t need paperwork. Paperwork includes degrees, certificates, endorsements, licenses, recommendations, referrals, and so on. Please note: it’s not that some of these things (or the other things) are unhelpful. It’s that they are unnecessary.

You don’t need to pay for access or information. I realize the irony: I sell information products on the right side of the screen. But if you want to break things down to the simplest level, almost all information is freely available. If you live in Iran or China, some information may be kept from your view – everywhere else, whatever it is you want to learn, go and learn it. If you have no money, go to the library. Go to the bookstore and read books in the cafe.

***

If you want to start a business…

The list of things you don’t need grows longer. You don’t need to move to Silicon Valley; you don’t need to pitch to venture capitalists; you don’t need to borrow money.

This part could go on for a while – you don’t need an office, you don’t need a MacBook Pro, you don’t need to outsource, you don’t need business cards.

From time to time I’ve been asked about my productivity habits. Here is my primary GTD workstation, pictured below for all posterity:

Technical Specs:

Spiral-bound
College-ruled
Three-sectioned
120-paged

No instructions are included, but it’s pretty basic. GTD is a great organization system because you don’t need much of anything to use it. The principles of GTD as I use it are:

1. Write stuff down
2. Do easy stuff quickly
3. Review big stuff periodically

As I said, basic but life-changing. But enough about notebooks and venture capital – let’s get serious. Are you ready? Here we go:

You don’t need other people’s permission.

If you’ve heard the one about forgiveness and permission – how it’s easier to say “Oops, sorry” than it is to get something cleared in advance – this is totally true. This principle helped me finish college in two years and sneak into graduate school without taking the GRE. (It certainly wasn’t high intelligence or aptitude for study.)

However, you also don’t need permission for much of anything. You don’t need permission to be happy, for example. Just be happy.

Where’s the line? The line is where your actions cause harm to someone else. My view is that as long if you stay behind that line, you don’t need permission. Thankfully, I don’t know many people who want to intentionally harm someone else. We just want freedom to pursue our own choices without being held back by anyone else.

***

What You Really Need

If you don’t need most of those things, what do you need?

You need passion. You need to be absolutely passionate about what you believe in. If you don’t feel passionate about something, chances are you haven’t discovered it yet. Keep looking.

You need a vision and a task. The vision tells you where you are going; the task tells you what to do next.

You need the two answers. What do you really want to get out of life? How can you help others in a way that is unique to you?

You need commitment to stay the course. Most people give up at 5,000 hours; the winners continue to 10,000 and beyond. I liked what Seth said about the 3,000 posts he’s written: the first 2,500 were the hardest.

Very Important: What’s the difference between the things you need and the things you don’t need?

All of the things in the first category are up to you. Most of the things in the second category come from other people.

Mostly, you need enough. You need enough money, enough time, enough courage. What is enough? That’s for you to decide.

But don’t worry about what you don’t have. When you let go of all the things you don’t need, a lot of other things become much easier.

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Also Read:

A Short Collection of Unconventional Ideas
How to Be Awesome

Unnecessary Bubble Tea “Image” by Adam Kuban