Thanks again for all your input on the four burners theory. That was fun.

I should say first that all is well in my life—I’m not concerned about falling off the edge or anything. I sometimes say that I’m going to start a “maximalist” movement because I don’t believe in limits or shutting ourselves off from the world.

So it’s all good. But nevertheless, I wonder about things sometimes, and the Sedaris quote was an interesting way to look at the issues of balance and focus. As a couple of people wisely said, the point is that we all have the same 24 hours every day.

No one likes the idea of turning off burners. But the question is: how can we best use the time we’ve been given?

A couple quick points before I share some of the comments from last week:

Someone said that Sedaris could think this way because “he must have a wife taking care of the home.” No offense, but I thought that was odd—first, because he is gay and therefore has no wife, and second, because it’s an odd idea that successful people “must” have someone else who is responsible for their success behind the scenes.

The second thing is that a number of people made comments about work being expendable and “what really matters” are the other three burners. Ah, but see, this is the reason for the post in the first place. It’s fine if you don’t care about your work and see it as a means to an end, but what about those of us who actually value the work we produce?

As I say from time to time, it’s good to ask yourself the question, “If time and money were no object, what would I do?” So for some people, perhaps they really would leave their jobs and spend all day surfing or hanging out. But for others of us, we’d want to build something; we’d be driven by the desire to find meaningful projects to fill our time. Surfing all day does not leave a legacy.

I’m not saying that work is more important than family or friends; I’m just saying I don’t see why it should be relegated to… wait for it… back burner status. And that is the crux of the issue. As a few smart people noticed, many of the comments address a side issue. The main issue is balance, focus, how to do it all with limited time and energy, etc.

Anyway, that’s it for me. Take a look at what some smart people said below, or read 200+ comments here. You guys are geniuses, really. I’m in your debt as always.

***

Sandy said:

For me, it is not so much about turning off the burners, as much as it is turning them down from time to time. When I am working on trying to finish a project or even start a new one, that burner gets turned way up, and the other burners, family, friends, health, etc get turned down for a bit.

When I have a day scheduled to spend with my nephews or nieces, I turn that flame on high and give them my undivided attention, living in that moment. All the others burners are turned way down or off.
I guess it’s not so much, turning on and off the burners, as much as turning them up and down and using the energy more efficiently.

Josh said:

I like to think that it’s possible to have it all. I make my living, along with my wife, as a photographer. We have 3 small children. We have very close relationships with our family and friends. We travel 3-4 times a year. And, while we aren’t rich in the monetary sense, we make enough money by taking pictures of wonderful people in love to pay the bills and feed our children. Honestly, if that’s not success, I don’t know what is.

Christopher said:

This very idea has been on my mind a great deal of late and I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t that we totally sacrifice one of the “burners” over any others in a permanent sense. Rather, we temporarily sacrifice 3 of the 4 at almost any one time. In general, we can only focus on one of these at a time – in a given moment. Of course, there is some overlap – we can build relationship with both family and friends at the same time at certain events, or sometimes a portion of our work could actually be so enjoyable that it creeps into “play.”

Gayle said:

If success is defined as some kind of extraordinary achievement–above and beyond the standard job, family and going through the motions of comfortable, middle class life–my experience is that “something has to give.”

I experienced it as the child of someone successful in sport and community development and, later, working for an organisation doing great things to make the world a better place. In most cases, family has to give. When your parents are changing the world, you just don’t see them as much because the rest of the world wants a piece of them, often.

Nelson Mandela is an extreme example. His children had less time with him than those related to his cause.

Daisy said:

The first visual that came to mind was my stove. If I’m cooking on all four burners at once, it works, but it’s mighty crowded, and there’s a danger of the cook getting burned. Creating a balanced meal on a four-burner stove is safer and more productive if the cook makes one item ahead so that he or she is only concentrating on three burners at a time.

I’m a full time professional (teacher), a disabled adult (hearing impaired), raising a disabled teen son (blind, on the autism spectrum), along with a neurotypical college graduate daughter and an equally busy husband. Balance is elusive, but it is attainable. Sometimes one burner has to be set to low or turned off temporarily.

Craig said:

The problem with the 4-burner analogy is that it focuses too much on the individual. Sure, 4 burners is more than enough to handle when going it alone, but hopefully we all live and work as part of a larger team.

Barbara said:

Here’s a question. What if you have two kinds of work? For a paycheck, I do one very businessy thing that I do like. For love, I do a completely different kind of work that could not support me at all unless I went back to school for a long time to get the credentials to teach it, which I don’t want to do. I think a lot of people are in this same situation. Do we have two pots on one burner?

Becky said:

It’s not about the burners. They’re the straw man. It’s all about choices and consequences and trade-offs. What matters to you? What are your goals? Where do you want to be? You want to travel, you have a goal. The trade-off is you aren’t in the USA to see everything your friends see, or do all the things you could do if you were here. You know you are trading off something to get what you want. As long as you’re happy, who cares if others think you travel too much. Ultimately knowing what makes US happy, whether it’s burning four burners or eight, is what is important.

Mandi said:

As with anything, I think the key to this theory is relative to the individual. First it depends on your definition of “success”. For some people success is working hard for 12 hours a day. For others it is small genuine accomplishments. And some people consider genuine happiness to equal an all around successful life. Sometimes my “successful” day is one where I have gotten out of bed.

Michael said:

What works in my life is keeping a clear mental image of what I want to have, be, and do. Then I bring my complete attention to whatever I’m working on at the time with the determination to create what I want. Living the creative life means taking life’s raw materials and using them in ways that meet the have-be-do equation. So, even if my house burns down, I can draw with the charcoal.

Kieran said:

Only four burners? I run ultramarathons, play ten instruments, speak a half-dozen languages, am in a relationship, have good friends, have a close relationship with my family (in the US and in Ireland), and am a lawyer at a pretty intense law firm.

To me, if you love what you do, when you do it, that’s the greatest accomplishment. Will I win these ultras? Hell no. Am I a spectacular musician? Not really. But I’m a decent runner and I can make music that sounds pretty good. My main goal is to enjoy the moment and the experience when I’m doing it — where I end up in relation to others is not my concern.

Tara said:

Where most people fail at this is not recognizing all the low quality things they put energy & time into. They spend hours watching TV in the name of relaxation. They force family time that results in little engagement and no bonding. They grind away at tasks that have very little influence on their world.

Steven said:

I think the four burner theory is true, but it doesn’t consider momentum: if you get a burner hot enough, you can turn it off and still cook for awhile. If you build strong relationships with friends and family, you can neglect them a bit without losing the core. If you build healthy habits, such as running a marathon, you can fall into running as a past time and still be healthier than most. If you build a reputation in your work, you earn the ability to coast a bit.

Sara said:

I’m a juggler. It doesn’t mean that I juggle very well, but I do know that the moments I enjoy the most are when I’m dealing with the stuff that most matters. I would say that I have three burners: Me, Work, Friends and Family. My friends are also my family so it makes sense to loop them together.

Christine said:

Are we talking success or happy? The two are not necessarily the same thing. To me, if you want the experience of being alive to your success, you need to attend to the things that make you happy, and these things need to harmonize with one another. And, forget balance, that’s just a corporate term that’s aimed at keeping people in jobs.

Rob said:

Nobody ever did anything extraordinary unless they were marvelously obsessed with their passion. If you want balance in your life go ahead and become marvelously obsessed with living a balanced life. If you want to become the greatest writer, blogger, artist, businessman etc. etc… it takes an unwavering focus on that one thing.

John said:

Interesting topic. What is absent in the excerpt from the theory is how success is defined and how long of a timeframe is being used to evaluate success. For me, the theory is also tempered by age – being able to declare I am successful in all areas at the age of 47 is very much different that what I perceived as being successful at the age of 22.

***

Thanks again for all the input.

Next week, fingers crossed, I’ll be heading out for Algeria and FINALLY Belarus (attempt number three). Then I take a quick side trip to Thailand, then I’m home in the great PDX for three weeks before touring America. Until next time, thanks for reading.

###

Image: CuriousIllusion

I did an interview for the nice people at The 99 Percent last month, and Jocelyn shared an idea that has stayed with me ever since.

Here’s the idea —

I like this quote from a David Sedaris article. Sort of an adapted ‘carpenter’s triangle’:

“One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work.”

The gist is that in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.

The question that followed was something like, “Is that really true?” I wasn’t sure what to say, so I made something up that sounded halfway intelligent, then moved on. Except I kept thinking about It later, and more than a month later, I’m still thinking about it.

I’ve said all along that life-work balance is overrated. If you’re not happy with your life, you should change it like plenty of other people have done. If your job sucks and you’re miserable, you should quit.

These ideas always strike some people as offensive, as if we should be grateful for bad jobs and unhappy lives. Maybe things will magically get better! Meanwhile, other people are somehow able to embrace change and pursue lives of meaningful adventure. (We tend to focus on the second group over here.)

But then again, perhaps the four burners theory is another way of looking at the same concept. I’d like to be healthy, and I’d like to have good relationships with my family and close friends, while also being successful at my work. I don’t like the idea of choosing or cutting off one of the burners.

I also know that success is what you define it to be. You can define “success at work” to be something very small, and then say you are successful. You can decide to group friends and family into one burner to save space on the stovetop. You can compare yourself to other people who aren’t as healthy as you are, and then decide that you are, in fact, healthy.

These days I don’t run marathons anymore, but I still run. I don’t go to yoga class very often, but I try to stretch before I go to bed. See what I mean? Slippery slope, meet non-conformist writer.

Another word for comparison is “rationalization.” We’d all like to think we can be successful without cutting off one of the burners. But when you start deconstructing it, I’m not so sure.

What about all the ambitious people of the world? Many of us aren’t satisfied with redefining success to suit a small vision; not everyone wants to be well-rounded or average. I know I’m not alone in wanting my four burners to be all-around amazing, and my life to be amazing all-around.

So I thought I’d put this tough question to all of you smart people. What do you think? I’d really love to know.

I could bribe you with Frequent Flyer Miles or Lufthansa Amenity Kits, but instead I’ll offer fame and glory by reprinting some of the best comments in a follow-up post next week. Just don’t cut off one of your other burners to answer it, OK?

Happy Monday, everyone.

###

Image: Sherbet

Many of us are on quests, either real or representative. Since my quest is real, I like the metaphor of journeying.

Going on a journey involves unexpected surprises, challenges, setbacks, and rewards. And I tend to think that any good journey is as much about the process as the destination.

Kind of like how the Greek poet Constantine Cavafy put it, almost exactly one-hundred years ago:

***

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon — do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

-Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)

***

There are a lot of things we could say about Ithaca. The journey—the road to Ithaca, which represents the final stop. The Cyclops—people who distract you—are ultimately more powerful in your mind than in their physical presence. To arrive in Ithaca is the ultimate goal, but don’t hurry the journey. Pray that the road is long.

This week the journey takes me back to West Africa again. Today I’m in Burkina Faso, waiting to head over to Mali in a few days. The road is long and the journey goes on and on… for which I’m grateful.

And how about you over there—how is your journey coming along?

###

Image: Rupert

Do you ever have the feeling that you’re leaving somewhere to which you’ll never return? You’ve been coasting along in the present, then all of a sudden—the future! Is here! There’s no going back, no matter how much you want to.

You walk out of the apartment and shut the door for the last time. You leave the university campus after years of study. You change jobs and say farewell to the workspace.

That place was so important to you, but now it’s no longer part of your life.

If you ever do go back, it’s never the same. You might feel like a conquering warrior (“I remember when I first arrived here, and look at me now!”) You might feel sad or regretful (“I wish I had…”), or you might have only good memories. Either way, change is the constant, and things are going to be different from now on.

***

Sometimes you don’t even see it coming. It just hits you all of a sudden: change is ahead! Be aware that this moment is passing soon, and your life will never be the same. Sorry, but you don’t usually have a choice in these matters.

When saying goodbye to a person or place, some think it’s best to leave things unsaid, or walk away without reflection. I’ve learned that this is usually a mistake, at least for me.

I say: hold on to the moment as long as you can. Fight for it if you have to. Get up early and stay up late. Be brave. Choose the raw emotion, even the awkwardness if necessary. If we must go on to something else, let’s at least think about what was and what could have been.

The more intense the feeling, the better. If synchronicity and the feeling of being part of something meaningful comes with sadness, loneliness, and disappointment, so be it. I just know that I don’t want the alternative—mediocrity, routine, the safe and the comfortable.

***

I often get this feeling when preparing to leave places as I roam the planet, even if I wasn’t that attached to them while I was there. Two years ago I went to Easter Island, thousands of miles out and six hours by air from South America. I enjoyed the visit, but as a tourist destination, it’s a long way to go for a small island with little to do.

I’m not buying a second home in Easter Island, in other words. But then—on the eve of my departure, I looked up at the sky and realized how far I was from everywhere else in the world. I also realized I would likely never return and thought, I’d better remember this.

I joke about collecting countries the way some people collect postcards, but really I’m collecting experiences like these. “Is it worth it to spend so much money on travel?” I’m sometimes asked. I don’t really think of it as paying for travel itself. I’m paying for memories, and when it comes to spending on memories, I say yes. Most definitely. I have no credit limit for memories.

I felt this way while leaving Tbilisi, Georgia a few months ago. It’s truly a beautiful city, and one of the best in Europe, no doubt. The intensity of it all was almost overwhelming to me.

I wasn’t ready to say farewell, but I also knew that staying another day wouldn’t make it any better. I ran ten kilometers the night before I left, trying to process the experience. The next morning, I rode in the mini-bus to Armenia, my next stop, and thought about it further for a good six hours or so.

I had been reading Don Miller’s new book on this trip. Among other things, Don says that meaningful lives do not just happen by accident. They require conflict, risk, striving, and overcoming. A good character in a story has to struggle, and so it is with all of us.

That’s why I think it’s good to embrace the transition points. Don’t go to sleep to dream. You can dream all day long without ever closing your eyes.

After making it to the next hotel, though, I laid down on the bed for a short nap at 4pm. I woke up 10 hours later, still feeling disoriented. I made coffee and did some writing.

Inevitably, I know that we all have to look forward instead of backwards. In the pursuit of growth, it’s better to choose the new than the old. But sometimes it’s also good to hold on to something for a while, and then you can treasure it as the memory it becomes.

Embracing reality may be exhausting, but I can’t imagine the alternative of avoiding it.

###

Image by Dariva

If you’re trying to figure out how you’ll leave your imprint on the world, start by thinking about what bothers you.

What do you not like about the world? What is irritating? What is unfair?

Keep calm and carry on was the message for people in Britain during World War II. I like get excited and change things better.

As fun as that is, though, the thing about change is that when it gets personal, most of us don’t actually like it. That’s why it’s easier to work on change in small doses. How can we take one tiny step towards something new?

Be aware: if something bothers you, you’re probably not the only one. Mobilizing people to improve things is powerful. As mentioned before, this is my personal year of scale and reach… but I’ve also been thinking over and over about the theme of empowerment.

As I consider it, empowerment is helping people to consider new possibilities and take courageous actions. This is the essence of leadership, as John Quincy Adams said –

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

Few leaders are appointed anymore. Instead, leadership comes through influence—when you influence someone, you’re an instant leader. If you look around and can’t figure out who the leader is for something that bothers you, step up! Followers need leaders. We’ll follow you when you give us a direction and an action plan.

By the way, if you don’t like thinking about what bothers you, you can also think about what excites you. Then you think about what you can change so that other people can get excited too.

What are you excited about? How can you create some kind of change around that?

P.S. “Get excited and change things” is also a good business plan. If you’re struggling to create something, leave the 65-page “target market analysis” behind and adopt this five-word strategy. See what happens.

###

Image: Vintage

Alix from the Netherlands writes in with a great question:

While goals are good to work towards, do you not feel like constantly pursuing things makes you run all the time and not ‘enjoy the moment’? What if, for example, while you’re standing in one country, and think ‘Hmm, I would really like to stay here longer..’ — I mean a real feeling, not a whim?

I don’t mean this as criticism, I am genuinely wondering. I have many goals and current things I am doing to work towards them, though I think of them more as directions which I can fork from (or back to) if I find worthwhile side streets – trying to listen to the surprises that come up, and to enjoy every day without always thinking ‘three are already past in this year’.

As I said, great question. The short answer in my case is that, yes, from time to time I would like to stay somewhere longer. I felt that way in Laos and Syria, for example. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Syria, so I didn’t plan to stay long—but then it turned out to be one of my favorite spots in the Middle East. All too soon, I had to turn around and head back to Amman and then onwards.

Before going to Laos, I felt like I already seen so much of Southeast Asia that another place wouldn’t be that different. (It’s not always popular to say so, but in several regions of the world, many of the places are quite similar.) Laos, however, was so fun that I wished I had more time.

Overall, though, I’m quite happy doing what I’m doing—my feeling is that I can always go back to places like Laos and Syria at some point later, and the reality is that I never would have been to either country in the first place if I hadn’t been traveling the way I do. It’s also true that when I leave somewhere, I’m often looking forward to what’s coming up next instead of wishing I had more time where I was.

I also like the actual experience of travel itself, as Robert Louis Stevenson put it:

“For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.”

Like Stevenson, I travel for travel’s sake. I like the process of going from one place to another. I like airports, buses, shuttles, hotel rooms, trains, waiting rooms… and I like putting the puzzle pieces together: how can I reroute three different tickets that were volcanoed last month? How can I apply for visas for Burundi and Cameroon simultaneously? Will I have enough time for a side trip to Morocco before heading home through Asia?

Lately, there are a lot of pieces—but an easy puzzle wouldn’t be as much fun. Of course there are tradeoffs, and what works for me won’t work for everyone. But yes, I try to enjoy the moment wherever I am.

And by the way, whether any of us successful at enjoying the moment isn’t necessarily correlated to geography. Appreciating life is generally more of an internal decision instead of a response to external circumstances. If you’ve ever been happy during a stressful time at work or unhappy on a vacation, you understand how that works.

So in that regard, it’s better to find a way to enjoy whatever you can at any given time, even if your bus is leaving for Amman and you’ve only been in Damascus for a couple of days.

How about you—are you enjoying the moment today?

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Image: Kate

Beginning this month in North America and many other places around the world, students will be finishing their education and moving on. High school, secondary school, college, university, grad school — whatever form it takes, this is a time of transition for many.

So much lies ahead! So many possibilities! And sometimes, so much uncertainty.

My sister is one of this year’s graduates. Congratulations, Mary! You lasted much longer in high school than I did, but you still managed to escape early. Well done.

And congratulations to everyone else out there getting ready to say farewell to a familiar classroom and enter an unfamiliar world.

Graduates hear enough unsolicited advice from people who think they know better. Much of it is banal (“it’s OK to make mistakes” — but oh, not those mistakes) and overly cautious (“take risks” — but make sure you have health insurance and a Roth IRA before you do).

Mine is pretty basic: everyone else is counting on you. We need you. I can’t wait to see how your choices will change the world.

All of us make mistakes, sometimes big ones, so you might as well make your mistakes count for something good.

Sometimes the risky choice is doing the things the way they’ve always been done. Maybe even “most of the time.”

***

Are you transitioning to something during this season? My congratulations and best wishes for the future. The next step is always more important than the last one.

Do you know a graduate? Tell them you are proud. And then allow them the space to solve the problems that you and I haven’t been able to.

For everyone — how will your choices change the world today?

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Image by Amanda

Looking for “Starting With What You Have”? It’s over here.

***

When people ask for advice about something, I’ve learned to be careful about being too honest. Sometimes I’ll say first:

“Before I answer, do you want to hear ‘that sounds great!’ Or do you want to hear what I really think?”

This is because when we ask for advice, sometimes we’re really looking for affirmation. We want to hear, Yes! I love it! Proceed! Because we’re already married to the idea we want advice on, we’d be disappointed to hear anything less than an enthusiastic endorsement.

And actually, I think this is OK. It’s natural to want to hear positive feedback; it’s good to know that people you trust agree with your plan. But I’d also say that much of the time, we either already know what we need to do about something, or we can figure it out ourselves without something else nodding or shaking their head. If you already know, why ask?

On the other hand, the right kind of advice from the right people can save us from missteps. I have a small advisory team in Portland, whose official role is to help plan next year’s World Domination Summit. I originally said I wanted to do it in March, they said (unanimously) it should be in June. OK, I said—I took their advice and changed the plan. I originally said I wanted 300 people to come, and they said, “Why only 300?”–to which I realized, alright, let’s just open registration later this fall and see what happens.

Those are two examples of very good advice. But I value their advice because I know they believe in the project. If any of them didn’t believe in it, I wouldn’t think less of them, but I also wouldn’t seek out their advice. Why go looking for affirmation from someone who doesn’t believe?

***

Another thing: if you’ve got your heart set on doing something, it really doesn’t matter whether anyone else thinks it’s a good idea or not. So on those occasions where someone honestly does want my advice and I think the project is a bad idea, I try to make sure I also say that my opinion isn’t the final say. Plenty of people thought the iPod would flop too. So I could be wrong about your idea, and so could anyone else.

Sure, your heart can lead you astray, but at least it will be a more enjoyable ride.

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Image: Stefan

Yesterday I rode my bike down to Laughing Planet on Belmont Avenue for a $4.85 burrito. The sun was out and all was well.

On the ride down I replayed the classic “time/money/no object” game in my head. You know, the one where you ask: “If time and money were no object, what would I do today?”

This is a fun game to play, and it’s even better when you realize that you wouldn’t change much about your plan. In my case, I had about $60 in my wallet—but the only thing I wanted to eat for lunch was the $4.85 burrito. I could have had a million dollars in my laptop bag, and I still would have taken my $35 “Craigslist special” bike down to the burrito place.

I’ve been overwhelmed with a few things recently, but I took this to be a good sign. Other good signs come from Mary Oliver, who was writing profound wisdom in less than 140 characters long before Twitter was around. Like this, for example:

“Listen—are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?”
—Mary Oliver

I’ve also been thinking that it would be good to breathe more than just a little, but we’ll return to that subject later.

Speaking of Living

A great new book launches out into the world today. It’s by Neil Pasricha, it’s called The Book of Awesome and it is, indeed, quite awesome. I’ll be giving away a copy on our Facebook page later today, and I encourage you to check it out at Amazon, Chapters, or your local bookstore.

The thing about Neil is that his writing is a lot like Don Miller’s—you’re reading along feeling entertained, and then all of a sudden, you get hit with a big lesson somewhere. You can look back later and realize how he was leading you all along to this point, but while you’re on the journey, you’re just enjoying the ride.

In addition to writing about how cool it is to memorize the phone tree options when calling customer service, (“Press 1 for awesome!”), going to bed planning to hit the snooze button the next morning, and eating the extra french fries at the bottom of the bag, Neil sneaks in a few things that hit you pretty hard.

His point is basically: it’s good to be alive. Be grateful. Enjoy the beautiful (“awesome”) life that we have.

Naturally, I like this message. Here’s an example of Neil’s great work:

I met Chris Kim in September, 2005 in Boston.

A tiny Korean guy with thin eyes hidden behind thick glasses under a well-worn and faded ball cap, he looked kind of mousy under awkwardly baggy clothes and behind a soft voice. And even though neither of us drank much, we met at a bar — me speed-sucking a gin and tonic through a needle-thin straw, him warming a well-nursed beer and occasionally taking baby sips.

When he mentioned he was from Boston, I asked about the Red Sox and he played along well enough. “Big win last night,” he offered cautiously. “Maybe still have a chance at the playoffs?” Of course, that launched me on a rant about the bullpen and whether Curt Shilling had enough steam for another big run. He nodded on, listening intently, asking genuine and serious questions, and letting our friendship take root over sports, of all things. Of course, he never watched the stuff, but was nice enough to let me talk mindlessly about it all night.

Full of wry smiles, awkward pauses, and mock-serious faces, Chris was a complex, fascinating, creative person who grew into a remarkably close friend during the two years I lived in the US. He got excited about little things, like caramelizing onions perfectly for an hour on low heat, getting randomly selected to fill out a survey of his radio habits, or learning a new keyboard shortcut in Microsoft Excel.

But it wasn’t the bar scene that helped our friendship bloom. It was the car scene.

Read the rest here at 1,000 Awesome Things

Before I read this story, I had seen Neil’s site a couple of times and thought, “That guy is a great writer. He’s got a fun thing going, like the Fail Blog or Cake Wrecks or any of those other sites.”

And then I read that article, which shows Neil working at a totally different level, taking risks and getting really personal—and I knew that The Book of Awesome would be more than just a fun book to read at the beach, or wherever it is that you are supposed to read fun books.

I’ve had a review copy on my desk for a few weeks, and am happy to report that the book is… Awesome! Go check it out.

And don’t just breathe a little and call it a life. You and I can do so much more.

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Image: Magdzia

From time to time, it’s good to have a conversation with yourself—maybe even an interview. This is how you do it.

First, sit yourself down wherever you like to sit. Get coffee or your drink of choice. Turn off the distractions and take it seriously. (Wouldn’t you take another interview seriously?)

Then you open the conversation like this:

Dear self, you are x years old. What do you have to show for it? Are you living the dream?

As you look back on your life, what are you most proud of, what do you regret, and how do you feel about each of those things? Here are a few follow-ups:

• What’s next, self?
• Why do you do the things you do every day?
• What do you really believe in? (What do you know to be true?)
• Where do you find your security?
• What bothers you, and what are you doing about it?
• What worries you?
• If you had one year left to live, how would you spend it?

***

Of course, when you interview yourself, you can customize the interview however you see fit. The point is to make sure you know why you’re doing what you do, and if you should make any changes. Simple, except when it’s not.

Here’s wishing you all a great Monday. Over here, I’m working full-time on a single project this week. Rare for me, I know, but once in a while I manage to take the time to focus. It’s kind of like asking questions of yourself: hard but good.

Are you satisfied with your answers?

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Image: DH